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I don't know why everyone wants me to throat punch them...

tammym1001tammym1001 member
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in Snarky Brides
So I'm getting married in exactly 2 months. I've been planning the wedding for almost a year now. From the very beginning we have had to make it clear to everyone that we are having a very small wedding (35 people) with only immediate family and a couple of friends. For the last year, my grandma has tried to guilt me into inviting all my aunts and uncles and cousins. I have repeatedly told her that's not happening, explained why we're having a small wedding, and even in a moment of extreme frustration threatened to uninvite her if she didn't stop asking me about it.

So a couple weeks ago I found out that she gave my bridal shower information to my aunt and was planning on having her bring her to the shower even though my aunt wasn't invited to the shower or wedding. She was just going to show up with her. I put an end to that.

Today I found out that my grandma has been plotting with my aunts to give them the information for the ceremony and just have them come to the ceremony since I won't invite them on my own and they weren't going to come to the reception. So here's the really fun part, my ceremony is in the same location as my reception and everyone will just be sitting at their dinner tables for the ceremony so if they would have come they wouldn't have anywhere to sit and would have to be asked to leave immediately after the ceremony so we could start the reception. 

I'm really just venting here, but I don't understand why people can't understand that not everyone gets to come to weddings and that they can't just do whatever they want and show up to private events knowing they weren't invited. GRRRRRRR!!!!!!
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Re: I don't know why everyone wants me to throat punch them...

  • raeah219raeah219 member
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    THAT IS SOOOOO RUDE!!!!! I would be so pissed if I were you, and I dont blame you for getting frustrated with your Grandma. You should sit her down for a conversation. 
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  • dbananadbanana member
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    That is so frustrating! It sounds like it's coming from a good place, but your grandma just does not understand why this is so wrong!

    We had a similar situation for our wedding. DH's family was passing along photocopies of our invitation to every cousin, aunt, and uncle that DH has never even heard of! We ended up passing this one along to MIL (because it was her family doing it) so she could make the awkward "no, you're not really invited" calls. 

    Here's to hoping she gets the hint! (or, more than a hint, it appears)
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    Oh my word.
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    eyeroll
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
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    dbanana said:
    That is so frustrating! It sounds like it's coming from a good place, but your grandma just does not understand why this is so wrong!

    We had a similar situation for our wedding. DH's family was passing along photocopies of our invitation to every cousin, aunt, and uncle that DH has never even heard of! We ended up passing this one along to MIL (because it was her family doing it) so she could make the awkward "no, you're not really invited" calls. 

    Here's to hoping she gets the hint! (or, more than a hint, it appears)
    That is so insane. We haven't mailed our invitations yet, but if my Grandma had one (and knew how to use a photocopier) I could totally see her doing the same thing.
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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
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    That's really annoying.  I think older generations think that all family are SUPPOSED to be invited to all weddings, regardless of how close you are.  They are used to the time of church hall weddings, where having extra people show up and having a "seat" for any extra guests was not an issue.  They don't understand how modern weddings work.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    No no no no no. This is not an older generation thing. This is just presumptuous and rude.  I hate excusing bad behavior by saying it is a generational thing. My dad's parents (in late 80's) and my great-grandparents (mom's side, late 80's) would never ever ever do that, because they aren't rude. My mom's mother and step-father, would totally do that, because they don't have manners. You need to be clear with your grandma that this isn't okay.
    It is not a modern idea that only the invited should attend events. 

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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
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    1. aaaaaah that is crazy shitty and does not sound like fun to handle

    2. your title made me LOL at work

                                                                     

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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
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    edited March 2014
    @hisgirlfriday13 - yeah that's why I said that I told her I would uninvite her in frustration because in reality I couldn't do that. I mean I could, but I would probably feel guilty about it for my whole life. As soon as I can talk to her without screaming I'm going to say something to the effect of your last paragraph and see what she says.

    @crazycatlady3 - I would blame it on the older generation except that all of my cousins have either eloped or had super small weddings and not invited any of the family and she said not a word to any of them. I have no idea why my wedding is different. 
     
    ETA: my sister informed me that she will happily act as bouncer and kick them all out including my grandma if they show up. LOL 
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  • alexnicole452647alexnicole452647 member
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    I have come to realize that people LOVE to make weddings about everything but the bride and the groom and tend to stick their ideas/opinions where they do not belong.  I would stand your ground, its your day and I am sure you have your reasons for wanting a small wedding and it is no one's business to tell you otherwise.  Try not to let these crazy people overshadow your day
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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
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    blueeyes90 said:
    No no no no no. This is not an older generation thing. This is just presumptuous and rude.  I hate excusing bad behavior by saying it is a generational thing. My dad's parents (in late 80's) and my great-grandparents (mom's side, late 80's) would never ever ever do that, because they aren't rude. My mom's mother and step-father, would totally do that, because they don't have manners. You need to be clear with your grandma that this isn't okay.
    It is not a modern idea that only the invited should attend events. 
    I'm definitely not excusing it, just trying to explain the phenomenon.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    I could totally see my mother doing something like this.  I think HisGirl is right - as bad as it is to uninvite someone, her behavior is absolutely unhinged and unacceptable.

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  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
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    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    My question is, are you willing to follow through with your threat of uninviting her? Because honestly, I would, at this point, do that. Because don't issue an ultimatum -- even in a moment of extreme frustration, if you're not willing to follow through on it.

    I've seen your other posts on this, and I remember you bringing it up. Your grandmother is being atrocious, and nothing you've done so far has put a stop to it. So it's time to do that. It's time to tell her, 'Grandma, based on your actions, I cannot trust you to honour and respect my wishes, and not invite people to the wedding, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to uninvite you.'

    Alternatively, you could say, 'Grandma, based on your repeated willful and ignorant refusal to respect my wishes, no further information will be provided to you about my wedding. Two days before the wedding, you will be told when you need to be ready by and someone will pick you up and take you to the ceremony location. If you try to bring any non-invited guests, they (and you) will be refused entry.'

    You could, if you're feeling nice (which clearly I am not), say, 'Grandma, how much of an asshole will you feel like if you invite them and they come and there's no where for them to sit and they're turned away at the door? Seriously, how awful will you feel that YOU embarrassed them like that?'
    I agree with his girl. The fact that she keeps doing this would make  me uninvite  her based on her constant behavior. 

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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  • FiancBFiancB member
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    I like the idea of keeping things secret to granny until the last possible second. IDK if it's too late for that though. I'm sorry, that sucks. 
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