Rehearsal dinner invitations?

anjuli116 · March 2014

Are invitations to the rehearsal dinner an etiquette necessity? Personally, I will take any excuse to design and print pretty paper, but I'm wondering if people will find it silly since our RD will be pizza and beer in the basement of the church. FI wanted to have it at our favorite specialty pizza/craft beer place downtown, but they can't fit 30 people, so the church has been gracious enough to allow us to bring it into the undercroft. If you got an invitation would you think "you're asking me to RSVP to walking down a flight of stairs?"

FMIL is hosting ours, but since she lives 6 hours away from our wedding location, I'm helping her with a lot of the local legwork. I wanted to have the right answer for her.

phira · March 2014

Formal invitations are not necessary. My brother's rehearsal dinner (which was HUGE--open to every guest of the wedding) had an email invitation. My future brother-in-law's just was word of mouth.

antoto · March 2014

I used paperlesspost.com for ours. It's way less formal than snail mail but it will keep everyone from being all "what time??? where??"

edited: p.s. many of them are totally free and all are easy to set up.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Well, anyone who's coming to your rehearsal is probably coming to the dinner, so you wouldn't need to send them any kind of invitation, other than alerting them to the food options.

If you're inviting other people to the RD, then an invitation is nice, so they know, and then they can RSVP, so you have a headcount.

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

Formal invites aren't necessary, but my FMIL hand-wrote some very nice ones. We are only inviting about 30-35 people. If you want to make nice ones, go ahead, but I'd save my money.

anjuli116 · March 2014

Thanks girls! Saving the money on the paper is probably best.

@HisGirlFriday13 Yeah, the headcount would be my primary concern. I think the only people coming who aren't "rehearsing" would be SOs of those who are. So an email like this to, say, a groomsman would suffice?: "Please be at the church at [time] on [date] for the rehearsal. We'll have pizza, salad, soda, and beer downstairs afterward. Please let us know if Wife will be joining us."

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

I think that would be fine -- it properly extends the invitation to the SO of the participants, and lets them know you need a headcount for food.

Inkdancer · March 2014

You need something, for sure. I was a bridesmaid for a friend who told us nothing about the location of the church, time of the rehearsal, or time of rehearsal dinner until the day of. It was very frustrating. A text, an email, or a postcard with the information written on it will do the trick.

AroundTheBlock · March 2014

It is always appropriate to invite people in writing if you want to -- just don't use formal wording if you are inviting people to something casual. By my standards, beer and pizza is casual. So instead of third person wording ("Ms Hostess / requests the pleasure of the company of / Mr Guest ...) which is reserved for formal situations, use natural first-person and second-person wording: Dear so-and-so / Please join us for dinner ....

Emmy1493 · March 2014

Just curious, speaking of RD, are you supposed to invite SO of BP members who are not in the wedding? Only asking because I was thinking of this earlier and wasn't sure of protocol.

anjuli116 · March 2014

Thanks @HisGirlFriday13

@Inkdancer Oh my goodness! I cannot imagine not giving people a heads up on plans that involve them. As much as one could assume there's some sort of rehearsal the day before the wedding, you still have to tell people when and where to be!

@AroundTheBlock Yeah, I would definitely consider this casual. The pizza's a couple steps above Domino's, but it's still pizza. That's a really good point on wording. I'll pass that along to FMIL in case she decides she wants to go the invitation route anyway.

@Emmy1493 I think you're supposed to invite SOs of the BP, but I'm more of an etiquette question-asker than an expert myself. Maybe someone else knows the official answer. Personally, the first time I met FI (then boyfriend)'s family was when I went to his home town for his brother's wedding. I would've had to awkwardly sit at his parents' house by myself were I not invited to the RD. I would say at least out-of-town SOs should be, so they don't have to sit around by themselves, but maybe I'm wrong.

phira · March 2014

Yes, you need to invite significant others of people in the wedding party. For example, my future brothers-in-law will be groomsmen, and even though their wives are not in the wedding party, their wives are invited to the rehearsal dinner.

Emmy1493 · March 2014

So like if my MOH's bf is not in wedding party I should still invite him? Just curious so I do not hurt feelings.

Emmy1493 · March 2014

anjuli116 said:

Thanks @HisGirlFriday13

@Inkdancer Oh my goodness! I cannot imagine not giving people a heads up on plans that involve them. As much as one could assume there's some sort of rehearsal the day before the wedding, you still have to tell people when and where to be!

@AroundTheBlock Yeah, I would definitely consider this casual. The pizza's a couple steps above Domino's, but it's still pizza. That's a really good point on wording. I'll pass that along to FMIL in case she decides she wants to go the invitation route anyway.

@Emmy1493 I think you're supposed to invite SOs of the BP, but I'm more of an etiquette question-asker than an expert myself. Maybe someone else knows the official answer. Personally, the first time I met FI (then boyfriend)'s family was when I went to his home town for his brother's wedding. I would've had to awkwardly sit at his parents' house by myself were I not invited to the RD. I would say at least out-of-town SOs should be, so they don't have to sit around by themselves, but maybe I'm wrong.

Thanks!!

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