Flashbacks

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

So, all of you regs know that about two months ago, there was an incident at a party.

Since getting past the initial emotions surrounding it, I've kinda just pushed it out of my mind and moved on, because that's really all I can do at this point.

However, I got dressed today and really wanted to wear this one pair of pants. It sounds silly, but I've been avoiding wearing them because these are the pants I wore that night and I felt as though they had all of this weight attached to them. So they've just been sitting in my closet, waiting for me to be ready.

I wore them today, and now I'm sitting at work and feel totally weird. I can't stop thinking about that night and all of the questions to which I'll never have answers. And it's all so silly because they're just pants -- my favourite pants, at that.

I'd like them to just be pants again.

FiancB · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Objects have only the power we ascribe to them. So on the one hand, they can be The Pants from The Incident at The Party.

Or they can be The Pants I Love that Yeah Something Bad Once Happened In but that I Am Stronger and I Overcame.

KeptInStitches · March 2014

wandajune6 · March 2014

*hug*

I don't know the situation but as someone who once had a party incident dress, my approach was to toss it. While I completely agree with @HisGirl that an object only has the power that you give it, I also think that sometimes it's easier not to keep something in your closet that has bad feelings associated with it.

For me, I tossed the dress (and I'm someone who donates everything). Then, I went out and bought a dress that fit the same need that represented the start for a new period in my life.

I'm hoping your story wasn't like mine but that's my $.02!

KPBM89 · March 2014

Sending hugs your way! I think you're strong for putting on pants any day and going about your normal business, so I know you're stronger than the The Pants.

kmmssg · March 2014

While I do agree with HGF, sometimes you just need to toss something that symbolizes something overwhelming in our lives. I'd chuck them in the garbage.

pinkcow13 · March 2014

Sending you lots of hugs!! If you still have negative feelings towards the pants by the end of the day, maybe just throw them out. In a way it might feel better to shred them or something as a way to put my closure towards that night.

KytchynWitche · March 2014

You get all my hugs today. I know what you're going through. But HisGirl is right - mind over matter, MAKE them just be pants again. You can do it!

grumbledore · March 2014

I missed it, but I think you do whatever makes you comfortable - if they bring back bad memories, then I'd toss them and buy yourself something new.

CLoGreenEyes · March 2014

Awww,

Hopefully as the day goes by, they will start to feel more like home and less like a reminder of what happened. I can imagine that it would feel strange at first to be around things that you associate with that night, but facing them one at a time may help you re-attach some normalcy to them. If not, then I can definitely see the therapeutic value of trashing them and going shopping.

It's whatever will make you feel the best and allow you to move forward with your life, really. They are just pants in the end, so it's up to you whether keeping them or getting rid of them will help you more.

SmileDamnit · March 2014

Oh girl, handfuls of love & hugs & wine & cake coming your way!!

There's a quote by Pema Chodron that I reference often when I need a reminder of just how strong & capable I am at surviving this crazy thing called life:

Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.

You got this!!!

chibiyui · March 2014

*Hugs*

JennyColada · March 2014

Here's a silver lining: now you have an excuse to go shopping.

No but really, hugs.
With enough time and wear they WILL be "just pants" again.

Blergbot · March 2014

I had the same experience with the pants I was wearing. They were brand fucking new, too. I kept them around for awhile, but I don't think I ever wore them again. Edited to add: hugs.

APDSS22 · March 2014

Maybe, if you're still unsure about them you could do something to them. A sage cleansing, busting out a be-dazzler or having them tailored would make them "different" from the Incident Pants. I'm not totally against throwing away the pants if you're still uncomfortable and shopping for new ones, but maybe you could take back the pants?

JCbride2015 · March 2014

Hugs. I think PPs have great ideas: either change or cleanse the pants somehow, or just toss them and find an excuse to go shopping.

I think you and some other regs might know I am working through PTSD right now. My experience has shown me that you can't just put a traumatic incident to the back of your mind and get over it. Time doesn't really heal all wounds. If you are suffering from early PTSD, time will not just make it better. Those pants won't just turn into regular pants without some psychological work. If you aren't already seeing a counselor, I really urge you to see somebody.

arrippa · March 2014

<<hugs>>

I also think that you should throw them away. Trust me, pushing something out of your mind will only make it worse. Tramautic events have a way of coming back into your mind with a bang.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

Thanks, everyone!

I haven't yet decided if I keep them or not. I had only worn them once or twice by the time the incident rolled around, so I'm having a hard time accepting getting rid of them when they're practically new.

I've been distracted enough today with meetings, etc. that I haven't had a lot of time to focus on all of the importance I placed on The Pants (thankfully). I'm hoping that I can reframe them in my mind and see them differently, because it would be a shame to let a silly pair of slacks get the better of me.

jdluvr06 · March 2014

*hugs*

smgold6 · March 2014

*Hugs*

cruffino · March 2014

Thinking of you. You'll get through this.

hikebikebemerry · March 2014

I didn't see this until just now- sending you more hugs!!

Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for you.

I vote that you should do something very nourishing for yourself tomorrow/ this weekend, give yourself some TLC, because you deserve it!

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

To counter the downtroddenness of the grey pants yesterday, I'm currently rocking bright pink, white, black, and turquoise floral pants, and NARS lipstick in Schiap (a very, very bright pink)

Definitely boosting my mood today