First off, I want to say that I've been diligently reading these boards for a few days and I've learned SO much. You girls are awesome! I've seen WW and WB, and it bothers me that half the people on there barely even have a grasp on grammar and the English language. TK, on the other hand, is much, much more... Intelligent.
Anyway, I'm currently in the beginning of the planning process (FH and I have been engaged for almost 2 years, though, and I've already done TONS of research on things), and the budget issue has only somewhat been discussed. My parents are graciously paying for the wedding. 100% of it as of now. I'm very appreciative of this. It drives me crazy, though, that my dad-the one in charge of finances-won't talk directly to me about anything. He goes through my mom to do it, and when I have asked about it, he says "we'll talk later." I just want to know where we stand on things and I know he understands the money situation better than my mom does. She's not very money-conscious all the time.
My real complaint is this, though... FH and I had been planning on having the wedding in his hometown, where I met him and lived in for 10 years. Everyone we want in our WP lives there and so does the majority of his family. His grandmother, whom has suffered from multiple strokes and had a triple biopsy, also only lives about an hour outside of his hometown. She is currently in a nursing home while his aunts fix her house up so that it is wheelchair accessible and is comfortable for her. She gets uncomfortable when she's out of her environment for too long. She is definitely not the same active person I met 4 years ago. And FH loves her dearly and is saddened by this. His mom and he lived with this grandmother for a while, and he stayed there after his mom passed away. She had a big hand in raising him. I was pregnant when she had the surgery and the strokes, and soon after I had our baby, we moved to my hometown (3 hours away from his, and his grandmother). We moved here because it would be easier since my mom doesn't work and can watch DD. I'm going to be going to school and getting a job soon, so the extra help is much appreciated. We wouldn't have that in his hometown, as his whole family works.
The other day, my mom and I were talking about the wedding, and she told me, "your dad suggested we have the wedding in [my hometown]." Okay... Sudden change, as I had only been researching locations in location A (FH's hometown), but I'd like to hear the reasoning. "Well, if we have it in [location B], it would be less expensive..." Fair enough, I can understand that. "...which means we could spend that money on helping to send you guys on a great honeymoon..." That's nice, totally not necessary, but nice nonetheless. So far, I'm still not completely on board, though. Then, my favorite part, "we also want our friends to go. They won't go if it's in [location A]." Um... I get wanting their old friends to be there, they see them often, and have known them since high school, and I kind of grew up around them and their kids. Except we moved around a lot when I was young, and we were never in the same place for more than 2-3 years until we moved to location A. That is where I formed the majority of the close friendships I have, and I consider that the place I really grew up. I started there in 8th grade, graduated HS there, and after briefly moving back to location B to start college, I quickly moved back to A to continue college (never finished, though, because I had a crazy verbally and emotionally abusive boyfriend at the time that made my life miserable and gave me all kinds of emotional and physical problems.... But that's neither here nor there). Now, I spend time with their friends maybe once or twice a year, and occasionally see them in passing while one of us is leaving my parents' house. One of their friends and one of her daughters DID come to my baby shower, and while she and her husband couldn't make it to her 1st birthday, they thoughtfully bought her and adorable outfit. Another couple DID make it her party... And then there are a few of them I haven't seen since a Christmas party back when I was 16.
FH wants his grandmother to be at the wedding. And I mean, can you blame him? I told my mom as much and she said "well, his aunts can bring her to the ceremony, and then take her back." Meaning that his aunts would miss the reception. When he was going through financial problems a few years ago, his aunt kindly let him stay with her and has since insisted on giving us money here and there, even after many protests, just because she likes doing it. She doesn't expect anything back. She's also taking FH, our DD, his other aunt, and myself on a trip out of state to Orlando next week. I don't think that it's at all fair that my parents' friends have priority over FH's family. I don't think it's fair that they should have to miss part of our celebration, either. The only part of my parents' argument that makes even a little sense to me is the money part. I'd rather have FH's family there than have the opportunity to have more money for a nicer honeymoon. I'm not getting married for the honeymoon. I'd even be fine letting my parents watch DD for a week while FH and I stayed home and relaxed. An "adults only" week is honeymoon enough for me! Lol. I also don't like feeling that they're trying to bribe me with a nice honeymoon to get their wishes.
At the end of the day, I know that they are paying for it and that means they have a say in what happens, but it's also FH's and my wedding, and having his family present for all of it is important. Honestly, I'm kind of thinking that once his aunt hears about my parents wanting the wedding in B, she'll want to either help out with the venue, or help with the honeymoon-with no strings attached. FH and I don't have money like my parents or his aunt... And what they would consider a "nice" wedding is not compatible with our budget (FH and I would probably just go to the JOP and have a big party after, if we were paying for it... Which would be totally fine with me. I really do like the idea of sharing ALL of it with family and friends, though. And I do WANT a wedding). I'm definitely feeling torn right now.
Also, my mom apparently thinks it's in bad taste to have our DD be the flower girl. I don't really understand why. If it IS in bad taste, could someone explain to me WHY?
Sorry this is so long!