Odd Boss Question...

Re: Odd Boss Question...

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  Uhm....wow. Yeah, that is awkward and uncomfortable, and your boss was REALLY out of line to ask you to do that.

  
  

  The honeymoon gift adds strings that otherwise wouldn't be there.

  
  

  Leaving out the knowing them/not knowing them thing, it's still perfectly fine to invite some co-workers and not others, as long as you obey all other etiquette rules (invite SOs, by name, etc.)

  
  

  If you're at or near capacity, can you tell your boss, 'I'm really sorry, I'd love to do you the favour you asked, but we're at capacity for our venue, so I really can't add anyone right now. If we get declines, I don't mind inviting him then.'

  
  

  (Yes, it's B-listing and yes, it's rude, but this is a rude situation to begin with).

  
  

  If you're not at your venue's physical capacity, but it's a budget issue...I would be really pissed off and annoyed, but I'd probably invite the friend and his wife just to smooth things over with the boss. The plus side is, since they don't know you, they might not attend.

  
  

  I agree, though, it's an all-round shitty situation for your boss to have put you in.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  March 2014

  When is your wedding? Maybe you'll like this new co worker and want to invite him to your wedding by the time it rolls around. Maybe you can give a non committal answer, and say you'll consider it?

  Not cool that your boss asked you this, even if he is paying for your honeymoon.

  
  

  I had a similar situation this week. My mother was emailing with my aunt (Dad's brother's wife) and asking for another uncles address for the invitation.  The aunt said she was excited for my bridal shower and asked if other uncle's girlfriend could come with her. Now, uncle's girlfriend is invited to the wedding of course as his SO, and I told my mom it was fine if she came, but I though it was pretty rude of Aunt to ask.  I've only met this girl friend once, very briefly at my sister's wedding.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Dignity100 member

  

  March 2014

  I agree with what's already been said but I thought I'd ask:
  Does your boss know that not everybody from the office is invited?  Maybe he's assuming all the others are invited and he doesn't want "the new guy" to be left out?
  

  
  
  
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  @Dignity100 has a GREAT point -- you could also frame it to your boss that way: 'We weren't able to invite all the co-workers because of space and budget issues, so I would feel really bad inviting the new guy when I'm not inviting people who've worked here longer that I know better.'

  
  

  If you frame it to him that way, he might say, 'Oh, OK, right. Then nevermind.'

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• grumbledore member

  

  March 2014

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  Uhm....wow. Yeah, that is awkward and uncomfortable, and your boss was REALLY out of line to ask you to do that.

  
  

  The honeymoon gift adds strings that otherwise wouldn't be there.

  
  

  Leaving out the knowing them/not knowing them thing, it's still perfectly fine to invite some co-workers and not others, as long as you obey all other etiquette rules (invite SOs, by name, etc.)

  
  

  If you're at or near capacity, can you tell your boss, 'I'm really sorry, I'd love to do you the favour you asked, but we're at capacity for our venue, so I really can't add anyone right now. If we get declines, I don't mind inviting him then.'

  
  

  (Yes, it's B-listing and yes, it's rude, but this is a rude situation to begin with).

  
  

  If you're not at your venue's physical capacity, but it's a budget issue...I would be really pissed off and annoyed, but I'd probably invite the friend and his wife just to smooth things over with the boss. The plus side is, since they don't know you, they might not attend.

  
  

  I agree, though, it's an all-round shitty situation for your boss to have put you in.

  Spot on, this is what I would do.

  
  

  

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• doeydo member

  

  March 2014

  I would just say to your boss that you are sorry but you are only planing on inviting people that you know and are close to.

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2014

  I agree with @dignity100 and @hisgirlfriday13 - I'd clarify that not everyone in the office is invited due to space or budget issues.  I'd also let him know that I prefer not to discuss the wedding at the office.
  
  Of course, the boss should never have asked you in the first place about inviting someone else.  That wasn't okay.
  

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• melbelleup member

  

  March 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  When is your wedding? Maybe you'll like this new co worker and want to invite him to your wedding by the time it rolls around. Maybe you can give a non committal answer, and say you'll consider it?

  Not cool that your boss asked you this, even if he is paying for your honeymoon.

  
  

  I had a similar situation this week. My mother was emailing with my aunt (Dad's brother's wife) and asking for another uncles address for the invitation.  The aunt said she was excited for my bridal shower and asked if other uncle's girlfriend could come with her. Now, uncle's girlfriend is invited to the wedding of course as his SO, and I told my mom it was fine if she came, but I though it was pretty rude of Aunt to ask.  I've only met this girl friend once, very briefly at my sister's wedding.

  I've done this one before... kind of. My Gma is invited to the wedding, as is my parents and myself. The bride is my mom's cousin's daughter, who I also went to high school and college with and she was a BM in my wedding (until she moved to TX and no longer can be). Her mom was doing last minute showering planning due to the bride moving to TX in a hurry and asked me and my mom about the shower. She understood I couldn't make it (I live in NC, shower in PA) and I asked her if she was inviting my Gma and she said probably not since she has a hard time getting around. Then my mom and her talked and my gma got invited and attended. Don't count the old people out of a shower
  
  Okay, not sooo similar, but I'm including my gpa's gf even though her and I only see each other on holidays.
  
  
  
  OP- your boss was rude, but I'd just let it go and tell him if you have enough room and/or money budgeted you'll include them. He probably just wants to make the couple feel welcomed.
  

  

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• KickAssMOH member

  

  March 2014

  I had a similar situation with one of my bosses, but less strings and a little less rude than yours. She is truly single, but I invited her with a "+1". She rsvp'd only for herself. 1 week prior to my wedding, she mentioned she "might be bringing cousin Larry - it would be a great opportunity for him to meet some new jewish women!" ...HUH?

  My approach was to give her more leeway than I would've given any regular guest, because at the end of the day, she is still my boss. I know it's wrong to think this way, but i assumed my gift from her would be larger than most. I said "Well, sure, cousin Larry is more than welcome to come as your date. My headcount is due in two days so please let me know asap. Does he prefer salmon or steak? Also, just so you are aware, we had a tight budget and there are only 80 people coming to my wedding... and none of them are middle-aged jewish single women with the exception of your fabulous self!" Needless to say, Larry decided to take a pass on this one.

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• edandy member

  

  March 2014

  I would just do it because whatever you aren't paying for a honeymoon and it will make your boss happy. I'm pretty easy-going though

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