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Guests & SO's

onlyjamielynnonlyjamielynn member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
So we are going over our list and there are some people on there that are not in relationships.  

Two of the groomsmen are single.  One of them recently splitting from a long term relationship and one who is perpetually single.  I really do not feel like having some random bar girl(s) at my wedding.  And yes I know for a fact that with at least one of them I know this would be the case.  Does etiquette dictate to allow for a guest?  

My grandmother passed away three years ago the day before my birthday, my grandfather is still alive and not dating.  Does he get a +1?

My BIL's mother is a widow also.  She has no SO.  Does she get a +1?

Some friends that are guests that are single and no SO's.  Do they get +1?

Also if these people get +1 how are the cards addressed since I have no idea who they would even bring????
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Re: Guests & SO's

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    For truly single guests you do no have to provide them with a plus one.  However, I would make an exception for your wedding party.  These people are taking time out of their lives as well as spending money on attire for your wedding.  The least you could do is allow them to bring a date.  And trust me, you won't care nor hardly notice a random girl at your wedding.

    I am in the camp where I think it is nice to give everyone who is single a chance to bring someone. Yeah people can enjoy your wedding without a date but I know that I hate going to events alone so I don't want other people to have to do the same.

    If you do decide to allow plus ones then you address the envelope with "Mr. John Doe and Guest" or if you are using two envelopes the outer would be to "Mr. John Doe" and the inner would say "Mr. John Doe and Guest."

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    onlyjamielynnonlyjamielynn member
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    Thank you Maggie...I guess in most of the instances I don't really mind bringing a guest.  And I agree with what you are saying about the wedding party taking time and money out of their lives.  Honestly they are the ones that worry me the most about their guests.  Topping that off with an open bar makes me a little cautious.  But I do want to be polite and I know I wouldn't want to attend single either.
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Etiquette says no, you don't have to give truly single guests plus-ones. Common sense says you do whatever you can to make your guests more comfortable.

    The GM would probably like to bring dates. Your grandfather and BIL's mother might or might not -- only you know them well enough to make that determination. One of our guests was a recent widow, and I offered to give her a plus-one, and my mother shot that down, saying 'she would be offended that I thought she wanted to replace her late husband with just some random person.'

    Well, OK, then, I was only trying to be nice.

    Ask your grandfather and your BIL's mother; give the GM plus-ones; make judgement calls with the other guests based on what you think would make them most comfortable.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    onlyjamielynn said:
    Thank you Maggie...I guess in most of the instances I don't really mind bringing a guest.  And I agree with what you are saying about the wedding party taking time and money out of their lives.  Honestly they are the ones that worry me the most about their guests.  Topping that off with an open bar makes me a little cautious.  But I do want to be polite and I know I wouldn't want to attend single either.
    These are two things that you shouldn't even waste your time worrying about.  Like I said, you will only have to say "thanks for coming" to the random girl and you also need to trust your adult guests that they won't go balls to the wall with the open bar.  But if someone does then they will look silly, not you.

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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    As PPs said, etiquette wise you do not need to invite a plus one for truly single guests. 

    I will add, when I was single I preferred to go alone to wedding. You never know who you'll meet and I'd rather spend time with family or friends than entertain a date who doesn't know anyone. If it was me, I would not extend plus ones to my truly single friends. I felt even more strongly about not bringing a random date when I was in the wedding party, I wanted to focus on my friend not some random "bar guy." IMHO :) GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    vmj23vmj23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2014

    It's up to you but I don't think you should worry about who they will bring  They are adults and know this is a wedding.  I'd hope they can have respect enough to not get completely trashed and inappropriate.  And if they do, people will look and judge them, i don't think you will be concerned with what that person is doing, and instead enjoying yourself and your wedding.

    I didn't use inner envelopes so I just addressed mine to " Ms. First Last Name and Guest"

    As for the widow's, i invited one and did not include a guest.  His wife died very suddenly slightly over a year ago. It's not that I wouldn't allow him to bring a guest if he wanted, I just can not imagine he'd bring someone and felt it would have been disrespectful in this situation to invite him with a guest. 

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    onlyjamielynnonlyjamielynn member
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    photokitty said:
    As PPs said, etiquette wise you do not need to invite a plus one for truly single guests. 

    I will add, when I was single I preferred to go alone to wedding. You never know who you'll meet and I'd rather spend time with family or friends than entertain a date who doesn't know anyone. If it was me, I would not extend plus ones to my truly single friends. I felt even more strongly about not bringing a random date when I was in the wedding party, I wanted to focus on my friend not some random "bar guy." IMHO :) GL!
    See that's the problem!  lol  I think one of the goomsmen probably wouldn't bring a date, but if he did it wouldn't be anything serious.  The second one scares me thought.  He would bring a date.  Just to bring a date.  And it would probably be the girl he met at the bar the night before.  I love the two guys dearly, like brothers...So my job is never to judge them.  Just accept them.  And I do.  I just really don't want a mockery on our special day and I feel like anything this would be a day where they'd make an even bigger mockery of things.  They're single...He's getting married...I destroyed the tripod...Blah blah blah...But as you all said I will probably be too busy to care.  :)
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    sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    you are obviously very concerned with this gm's judgement.  i would give him a +1, and since I am sure your fi is very close with him, have him talk to the gm.  reiterate what a special day it is your you two, how happy he is to have the guy as a gm, etc.  i think it will deter him making a mockery of your wedding, which honestly seems ridiculous.

    i really would not worry about this.
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    onlyjamielynn said:
    photokitty said:
    As PPs said, etiquette wise you do not need to invite a plus one for truly single guests. 

    I will add, when I was single I preferred to go alone to wedding. You never know who you'll meet and I'd rather spend time with family or friends than entertain a date who doesn't know anyone. If it was me, I would not extend plus ones to my truly single friends. I felt even more strongly about not bringing a random date when I was in the wedding party, I wanted to focus on my friend not some random "bar guy." IMHO :) GL!
    See that's the problem!  lol  I think one of the goomsmen probably wouldn't bring a date, but if he did it wouldn't be anything serious.  The second one scares me thought.  He would bring a date.  Just to bring a date.  And it would probably be the girl he met at the bar the night before.  I love the two guys dearly, like brothers...So my job is never to judge them.  Just accept them.  And I do.  I just really don't want a mockery on our special day and I feel like anything this would be a day where they'd make an even bigger mockery of things.  They're single...He's getting married...I destroyed the tripod...Blah blah blah...But as you all said I will probably be too busy to care.  :)
    If you have a decent number of single friends don't give plus ones and introduce them to people, I strategically sat two good friends next to each other at my first wedding. They have been married for 3 years now ;)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    onlyjamielynnonlyjamielynn member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    photokitty said:

    onlyjamielynn said:
    photokitty said:
    As PPs said, etiquette wise you do not need to invite a plus one for truly single guests. 

    I will add, when I was single I preferred to go alone to wedding. You never know who you'll meet and I'd rather spend time with family or friends than entertain a date who doesn't know anyone. If it was me, I would not extend plus ones to my truly single friends. I felt even more strongly about not bringing a random date when I was in the wedding party, I wanted to focus on my friend not some random "bar guy." IMHO :) GL!
    See that's the problem!  lol  I think one of the goomsmen probably wouldn't bring a date, but if he did it wouldn't be anything serious.  The second one scares me thought.  He would bring a date.  Just to bring a date.  And it would probably be the girl he met at the bar the night before.  I love the two guys dearly, like brothers...So my job is never to judge them.  Just accept them.  And I do.  I just really don't want a mockery on our special day and I feel like anything this would be a day where they'd make an even bigger mockery of things.  They're single...He's getting married...I destroyed the tripod...Blah blah blah...But as you all said I will probably be too busy to care.  :)
    If you have a decent number of single friends don't give plus ones and introduce them to people, I strategically sat two good friends next to each other at my first wedding. They have been married for 3 years now ;)
    lol That is awesome!!!
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    onlyjamielynn said:
    photokitty said:
    As PPs said, etiquette wise you do not need to invite a plus one for truly single guests. 

    I will add, when I was single I preferred to go alone to wedding. You never know who you'll meet and I'd rather spend time with family or friends than entertain a date who doesn't know anyone. If it was me, I would not extend plus ones to my truly single friends. I felt even more strongly about not bringing a random date when I was in the wedding party, I wanted to focus on my friend not some random "bar guy." IMHO :) GL!
    See that's the problem!  lol  I think one of the goomsmen probably wouldn't bring a date, but if he did it wouldn't be anything serious.  The second one scares me thought.  He would bring a date.  Just to bring a date.  And it would probably be the girl he met at the bar the night before.  I love the two guys dearly, like brothers...So my job is never to judge them.  Just accept them.  And I do.  I just really don't want a mockery on our special day and I feel like anything this would be a day where they'd make an even bigger mockery of things.  They're single...He's getting married...I destroyed the tripod...Blah blah blah...But as you all said I will probably be too busy to care.  :)
    What?  How would them bringing random dates make a mockery of your wedding?  You are really over thinking this.

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    sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    you are obviously very concerned with this gm's judgement.  i would give him a +1, and since I am sure your fi is very close with him, have him talk to the gm.  reiterate what a special day it is your you two, how happy he is to have the guy as a gm, etc.  i think it will deter him making a mockery of your wedding, which honestly seems ridiculous.

    i really would not worry about this.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    sheslikeasunburn said:
    you are obviously very concerned with this gm's judgement.  i would give him a +1, and since I am sure your fi is very close with him, have him talk to the gm.  reiterate what a special day it is your you two, how happy he is to have the guy as a gm, etc.  i think it will deter him making a mockery of your wedding, which honestly seems ridiculous.

    i really would not worry about this.
    I wouldn't even do this.  This is just ridiculous.  If this GM is so horrible that he would be willing to make a mockery of your wedding then he isn't a very good friend to your FI.  I really think you are worrying over nothing.

    And even though there are some like me who don't like to go events alone and then there are others like photkitty who prefer to go to events alone, I believe that your single guests should at least be given the option.  If they are like me then they will be happy that they get to bring someone.  If they are like photokitty then they will just RSVP for themselves and not bring anyone. But at least they have the option.

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    onlyjamielynnonlyjamielynn member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:
    onlyjamielynn said:
    photokitty said:
    As PPs said, etiquette wise you do not need to invite a plus one for truly single guests. 

    I will add, when I was single I preferred to go alone to wedding. You never know who you'll meet and I'd rather spend time with family or friends than entertain a date who doesn't know anyone. If it was me, I would not extend plus ones to my truly single friends. I felt even more strongly about not bringing a random date when I was in the wedding party, I wanted to focus on my friend not some random "bar guy." IMHO :) GL!
    See that's the problem!  lol  I think one of the goomsmen probably wouldn't bring a date, but if he did it wouldn't be anything serious.  The second one scares me thought.  He would bring a date.  Just to bring a date.  And it would probably be the girl he met at the bar the night before.  I love the two guys dearly, like brothers...So my job is never to judge them.  Just accept them.  And I do.  I just really don't want a mockery on our special day and I feel like anything this would be a day where they'd make an even bigger mockery of things.  They're single...He's getting married...I destroyed the tripod...Blah blah blah...But as you all said I will probably be too busy to care.  :)
    What?  How would them bringing random dates make a mockery of your wedding?  You are really over thinking this.
    Because they don't really believe in it.  Like I said, personally I love these guys.  Like brothers.  However, when it comes to females, relationships, marriage and things along that nature I don't agree with a lot of it.  I don't want to sound like I'm throwing them under the bus or anything like that.  I just know how things can get.  But again, like I said, and was pointed out several times, I will be too busy to care.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    onlyjamielynn said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    onlyjamielynn said:
    photokitty said:
    As PPs said, etiquette wise you do not need to invite a plus one for truly single guests. 

    I will add, when I was single I preferred to go alone to wedding. You never know who you'll meet and I'd rather spend time with family or friends than entertain a date who doesn't know anyone. If it was me, I would not extend plus ones to my truly single friends. I felt even more strongly about not bringing a random date when I was in the wedding party, I wanted to focus on my friend not some random "bar guy." IMHO :) GL!
    See that's the problem!  lol  I think one of the goomsmen probably wouldn't bring a date, but if he did it wouldn't be anything serious.  The second one scares me thought.  He would bring a date.  Just to bring a date.  And it would probably be the girl he met at the bar the night before.  I love the two guys dearly, like brothers...So my job is never to judge them.  Just accept them.  And I do.  I just really don't want a mockery on our special day and I feel like anything this would be a day where they'd make an even bigger mockery of things.  They're single...He's getting married...I destroyed the tripod...Blah blah blah...But as you all said I will probably be too busy to care.  :)
    What?  How would them bringing random dates make a mockery of your wedding?  You are really over thinking this.
    Because they don't really believe in it.  Like I said, personally I love these guys.  Like brothers.  However, when it comes to females, relationships, marriage and things along that nature I don't agree with a lot of it.  I don't want to sound like I'm throwing them under the bus or anything like that.  I just know how things can get.  But again, like I said, and was pointed out several times, I will be too busy to care.
    So what if they don't believe in marriage?  They don't have to.  And you don't have to agree with what they think of marriage and relationships when it pertains to them.  As long as they are good friends and support your relationship with your FI then that is all that matters.  Again, them bringing random girls is not making a mockery of your marriage.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    What difference does it make if he brings a random date? You don't have to give him a date if he's single, but I never understand people who get hung up on this issue like it affects them in any way who someone's date is.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    AddieL73 said:
    What difference does it make if he brings a random date? You don't have to give him a date if he's single, but I never understand people who get hung up on this issue like it affects them in any way who someone's date is.
    I agree…But if OP is having a head table or kinds table then it could possibly make for some awkward dinner conversation wight he random bar pickup/hookup - "How did you and Bobby meet?" 'Bobby? I thought his name was Teddy.'

    Either way OP, you don't have to give them plus ones, so if it's going to stress you out, don't give them plus ones. If they start dating someone after the invites go out you can extend the offer of them bringing their SO. But if they don't have a SO when invite go out don't give them the plus ones…or stop worry about it :) GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    onlyjamielynnonlyjamielynn member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Thanks for the awesome comments
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