Whose responsibility is it?

Dottie05 · March 2014

I DO not get along with my future SIL, (wife of my FI's brother). They were married not that long ago and I went to their shower and wedding. At both of those events we did not speak at all. I do exchange hellos and all of that with his brother. I just assumed it is the bride and groom's responsibility to greet their guests at their own shower and wedding. Obviously, I COULD have made the effort too... but I chose not too. We didn't get a hello or thank you or anything..even though my FI was his bestman.

Now it is my turn soon and I just wanted everyone's opinion. I see posts ALL the time about having to invite people you dont like to keep the peace. So when you do invite them, how did/will you react?

I know for myself is that I will already be having a fabulous day and I could care less if she is there or not (thats the truth) because it wont make a difference to my happiness that day. But do I make it a point to greet her when she did not acknowledge me?

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Yes. Because you do not combat rudeness with rudeness.

Yes, your FSIL was rude. That's on her. Don't give her ammunition to be worse to you by being blatantly rude to her. Show up her manners by greeting her -- it'll take all of five seconds to say, 'Hi, thanks for coming!' -- and being pleasant.

We did not invite DH's parents, although they attended the ceremony (in a church) anyway. When they came through the receiving line, I plastered a smile on my face, said 'Thank you for coming,' and shook their hands.

My mother raised me better than to treat their rudeness (coming to something to which they weren't only not invited, they were specifically asked not to attend) with my own rudeness (snubbing them).

Be the bigger person.

APDSS22 · March 2014

Just greet her briefly, then move on. Always better to be more polite to a person than they are to you in these instances.

Dottie05 · March 2014

Of course, you're right and that sucks!

Thank you for your feedback and personal experience.

Made me think about my mom. She would be super pissed if I acted that way on my wedding day! She's always nice to this girl, even though she knows how much we don't get along.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

Sometimes, I advocate killing with kindness, just to make them feel like an even bigger bitch.

In this case, I'd probably personally lean towards a smug terseness, letting her know that you're being the bigger person but that you're well aware that she's a brat and you're not biting.

rajahmd · March 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys said:
Sometimes, I advocate killing with kindness, just to make them feel like an even bigger bitch.

In this case, I'd probably personally lean towards a smug terseness, letting her know that you're being the bigger person but that you're well aware that she's a brat and you're not biting.

Haha, my grandmother is the Queen of "killing them with kindness". When I was getting bullied by a bunch of guys in the 8th grade, she gave that advice. So I baked cookies and gave them each a little baggie. They were so stunned they didn't know how to respond.

cruffino · March 2014

I don't care for one if DH's brothers at all. I think he's a terrible person. He was a groomsman. I was very nice, yet brief, with him. We had a great wedding. I don't like him, but I believe he should be treated well because my DH loves him.

lc07 · March 2014

Treat her as you would any other person in your life. If you're a kind person who greets people who attend events you host, greet her. Stop shaping who you are around what she did to you.

phira · March 2014

At my future brother-in-law's wedding, his wife didn't speak to me at all. Like, obviously ignored me when I was speaking directly to her. It's one of the reasons why our relationship (which wasn't very good to begin with) has entirely deteriorated.

However, while I'm not killing her with kindness in everyday life, I'm going to try to treat her like I would treat any other guest at the wedding. Maybe not be as OMG SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE as I am with other guests, but like, "Thanks for coming."

lightningsnow · March 2014

I do not like my BF's brother and SIL. His brother is the king of douchecanoes and his SIL has treated me pretty horribly since I first met her. She made my day feel very shitty at their wedding and as much as I would love to do the same to her when we eventually get married, but I have come to conclusion killing with kindness is much better.

They just recently had a son and at her baby shower, I was very nice to her and even hugged her on my way out. I'm sure she wasn't expecting it but I was done with the stupid drama bullshit. She wants to act like a child, she can. Not going to affect me anymore. I also just purchased the baby a small stuffed monkey from me and BF.

Whose responsibility is it?

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