FI just received wedding invite...

Alikat9614 · March 2014

And I became Ms. Snarky. LoL. First, it was addressed to Mr. Nickname Lastname. And that's it. My name was no where on the invite! So I said to my FI, enjoy the wedding. My name wasn't on the invite, so I wasn't invited. He was all "Oh, you just have to know her. She has always been flaky." This has nothing to do with flaky, it has to do with the fact that it is pretty simple to look online for wedding invite etiquette. I felt especially snarky after pointing out to him all the places that made it 'wrong' (1. His nickname on the envelope, 2. We have been engaged since October and dating for nearly 3 years and my name wasn't anywhere, 3. "The honour of your presence is requested" but the whole thing is happening at a country club). Rant over! Time to double check our invites and guest list to be sure MY ducks are all in the proper row

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Aschondel84 said:

And I became Ms. Snarky. LoL. First, it was addressed to Mr. Nickname Lastname. And that's it. My name was no where on the invite! So I said to my FI, enjoy the wedding. My name wasn't on the invite, so I wasn't invited. He was all "Oh, you just have to know her. She has always been flaky." This has nothing to do with flaky, it has to do with the fact that it is pretty simple to look online for wedding invite etiquette. I felt especially snarky after pointing out to him all the places that made it 'wrong' (1. His nickname on the envelope, 2. We have been engaged since October and dating for nearly 3 years and my name wasn't anywhere, 3. "The honour of your presence is requested" but the whole thing is happening at a country club). Rant over! Time to double check our invites and guest list to be sure MY ducks are all in the proper row

This is not inherently wrong. Some people prefer to go by a nickname rather than their full name -- my DH does, for example.

Unless it's a truly black-tie, ultra-formal event, this isn't 'wrong' or 'rude.' Using 'Tim' for 'Timothy' is acceptable.

The rest of it is, yes, rude and tacky.

wrigleyville · March 2014

To be fair, a lot of the online invitation samples we looked at had "the honor of your presence". I didn't know the difference, or that there even was a true difference, until I started reading TK, so I can imagine someone would just figure that's what all invitations say and not look for ones that say "pleasure of your company". To me, they were the same thing until someone on TK explained it.

Alikat9614 · March 2014

It wouldn't be so bad had we not recently sent our Save the Dates to them as a couple... With our names clearly on them as well as our return address labels. And when I say nickname, it wasn't a Tim short for Timothy, more an inside joke kind of nickname from college (Mr. Mumbles Lastname). I will say the third I didn't know until online research, but it wasn't an uncommon bit of info. Just added to the strangeness of the invite and formal vs. very informal.

AddieCake · March 2014

I wouldn't give a damn about the whole honor of your presence thing. I got left off my husband's best friend's invitation when we were engaged. The bride was just young and didn't know what she was doing.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

Ok I'm super confused- I've been here mostly lurking for almost a year and have never seen the honour of your presence thing...what's wrong with that? We haven't started drafting our invitations so I want to avoid a faux pas!

APDSS22 · March 2014

Aschondel84 said:

It wouldn't be so bad had we not recently sent our Save the Dates to them as a couple... With our names clearly on them as well as our return address labels. And when I say nickname, it wasn't a Tim short for Timothy, more an inside joke kind of nickname from college (Mr. Mumbles Lastname). I will say the third I didn't know until online research, but it wasn't an uncommon bit of info. Just added to the strangeness of the invite and formal vs. very informal.

Well then, that's quite a bit different from a shortened name. Unless they're having a backyard BBQ wedding with only people from that circle that get the inside joke, I don't know why you would even do something like that.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

TexasBride2014 said:
Ok I'm super confused- I've been here mostly lurking for almost a year and have never seen the honour of your presence thing...what's wrong with that? We haven't started drafting our invitations so I want to avoid a faux pas!

'Honour of your presence' may only be used in a house of worship. Otherwise, it should be 'pleasure of your company.'

mrscaty · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Ok I'm super confused- I've been here mostly lurking for almost a year and have never seen the honour of your presence thing...what's wrong with that? We haven't started drafting our invitations so I want to avoid a faux pas!
'Honour of your presence' may only be used in a house of worship. Otherwise, it should be 'pleasure of your company.'

Welp, my invites are wrong. Ehhhh - my family should just be happy I'm not eloping.

jdluvr06 · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Ok I'm super confused- I've been here mostly lurking for almost a year and have never seen the honour of your presence thing...what's wrong with that? We haven't started drafting our invitations so I want to avoid a faux pas!
'Honour of your presence' may only be used in a house of worship. Otherwise, it should be 'pleasure of your company.'

I've never heard that before. That is a bit strange. I wonder why that is.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

I got "and guest"-ed by a member of FI's family this week. They did, however, remember my name for the bridal shower invitation.

I was way more annoyed by this than I expected I'd be.

Alikat9614 · March 2014

I know I'm probably far too annoyed than I should be. I just needed to vent. Not even an and guest? LoL. :-P

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

Aschondel84 said:

I know I'm probably far too annoyed than I should be. I just needed to vent. Not even an and guest? LoL. :-P

oh I would be pissed.

kmmssg · March 2014

This is a good lesson in a couple of things: one is that there are some MINOR etiquette faux pas that are harmless and the other is that sometimes it is a case of you don't know what you don't know.

The "honour of your presence" thing is really about as harmless as it gets. If someone doesn't comb the internet and Crane's website they will have no idea. The fact that we have a pp who saw this with websites also speaks volumes.

I don't really care for the nickname thing but I would not let it upset me.

Leaving you off the invite? Yeah, that one was dead wrong.

LDay2014 · March 2014

NiTro1110 said:

I got "and guest"-ed by a member of FI's family this week. They did, however, remember my name for the bridal shower invitation.
I was way more annoyed by this than I expected I'd be.

Well of course, when it comes to getting a present your name is important enough! Otherwise, it just doesn't matter...

DanielleLatrice · March 2014

So because your fiance is invited to something, that means that you are automatically invited too? Maybe I'm missing the relationship of you and the person getting married.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

DanielleLatrice said:

So because your fiance is invited to something, that means that you are automatically invited too? Maybe I'm missing the relationship of you and the person getting married.

It is rude to host a wedding and not invite someone with their SO. Why would you want to go celebrate someone else's love without your love being present? Why would you invite someone to a social event, specifically to celebrate your love and commitment, without their committed partner or their social unit? A couple is a social unit and should be invited to a wedding together. To not do so is rude, unthoughtful, and can come off as judgmental (ie. "No ring=no bring" rule).

JMalettas · March 2014

We got a Mr. ____ Maletta & "guest" invite a couple of years ago, from my H's friends. At the time we weren't married, but we were in a serious relationship AND living together. (We were engaged a month or so post invite). Needless to say, I was slightly offended. It wasn't like it was a couple I'd never met either. We'd hung out with them, and had them over to our house, etc. This couple still invites us over, or asks us to hang out with them. I don't get it, but feel like it would be weird/rude to ever bring it up. This is also the couple that had a May rsvp date, for an end of August wedding, AND the same couple that went to an upscale restaurant in town with their wedding party for the rehearsal dinner, and then got separate bills for everyone. So who knows, maybe they just have NO idea how proper etiquette works!

*J

LDay2014 · March 2014

DanielleLatrice said:

So because your fiance is invited to something, that means that you are automatically invited too? Maybe I'm missing the relationship of you and the person getting married.

The relationship of her and the person getting married is irrelevant. She and her FI are a social unit and as such are considered 'one' in any sort of social engagement. This includes weddings, house parties, barbeques etc.

You don't invite someone to celebrate your relationship while asking them to leave their significant other at home. That's incredibly rude and a good way to ensure a lot of your guests won't come.

Vivandiere8 · March 2014

I looked at so many sites about invitations and this is the first time I heard anything about "the honor of your presents" being only appropriate for certain places. Doesn't even seem like every one on here is in agreement about it. Is it for super formal? or house of worship?

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

Vivandiere8 said:

I looked at so many sites about invitations and this is the first time I heard anything about "the honor of your presents" being only appropriate for certain places. Doesn't even seem like every one on here is in agreement about it. Is it for super formal? or house of worship?

I would hope that it is "the honor of your presence" and not "presents". haha, epic typo.

This should be reserved for a house of worship. This is the tradition and etiquette correct way, though some people choose not to follow it.

APDSS22 · March 2014

As I understand it, the phrasing is different because of the location of the wedding. The reason it is incorrect to use the phrases interchangeably is because you cannot bar someone from a house of worship. Thus you would use "honor of your presence" in that instance. You use "pleasure of your company" in a secular location because you could bar people from the building. Just because "honor of your presence" sounds fancier does not mean you can use it willy-nilly. It usually goes along with couples wanting guests to rent tuxes and wear long gowns to make a wedding "fancy".

banana468 · March 2014

The other issue with the honor of your presence is that it's about honoring God as it is in a house of worship. When the service isn't in a house of worship then the "pleasure of your company" is used.

Both are equally formal.

AddieCake · March 2014

@DanielleLatrice

Of course she should be invited if her fiance was invited. It's a wedding. It's a celebration of couplehood. It's pretty shitty to celebrate one's couplehood by splitting up couples.

CrazyCatLady3 · March 2014

banana468 said:

The other issue with the honor of your presence is that it's about honoring God as it is in a house of worship. When the service isn't in a house of worship then the "pleasure of your company" is used.

Both are equally formal.

I don't think it makes grammatical sense for "request the honor of your presence" to be about honoring God. Is the person sending the invitation acting on behalf of God to request that the person honor God? No, rather the person sending the invitation is requesting the honor, as in, that person would be honored if you would attend.

I think the distinction on this one is off--a place of worship doesn't get to "own" an invitation phrase--if you want to use it because you like it better then go ahead.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2014

I would only be offended by getting left off the envelope. That's super rude. The rest I would let go.

Our invitations haven't gone out yet, and when they will I'll use as formal of a person's name as they wouldn't kill me for using (i.e. FI's grandpa who wouldn't be caught dead being called Adolph) but for our Save the Dates... you betcha I addressed one to The Cheetah Lastname. I've never called him by his name, nor have any of our other friends. I actually didn't know his real name for quite some time.

But that's just a save the date.

cosenti7 · March 2014

This happened to me! Only it was my cousin and my FI was not invited. I was so upset and angry. My other cousins were invited with their SOs and live-in boyfriends. It didn't matter that we were engaged, but since we didn't live together, that was the excuse I got.

Thankfully, I was in a musical that weekend and I declined to attend the event. I wasn't going to go without my FI and I had an excuse to give my family aside from the couple's utter rudeness.

I feel like sending my invite to them without my cousin's new wife added. Of course, I would never actually do it! OP, just pat yourself on the back for knowing better. People will remember their faux pas and remark on how you handled it with grace.

thisismynickname2 · March 2014

shrekspeare said:

Things like this make me really nervous. I am not on FB, nor are a ton of people I know. I don't stay in close touch with friends, so as much effort as I made to find out names of people's SOs, I just don't know if it's plausible all of the time. There are only so many times that you can call and ask or text them and their friends, you know? If they don't tell you, there's not too much you can do.

With all due respect, why are you inviting people you don't stay in close touch with?

I think anyone worth a wedding invite is worth calling and asking for the name of their guest. It's a good way to actually make that touch, so to speak.

I get that family circles may be obligatory guests, but friends, nope. Every friend on my guest list is someone I see or have a real conversation with (in some format) at least once every month or two at worst. Maybe it depends on definitions of closeness, but still.

climbingsingle · March 2014

I had no idea about "the honor of your presence" thing! Wow!

Sugargirl1019 · March 2014

We are getting married in a secular venue, but it's a chapel (is not a church with Sunday sermons). We are having a religious ceremony with a minister. My mom really wanted "honor of your presence" despite the location not being a "true" church, but you can bet that chapel will be a house of worship during our ceremony.

So.. oops.. oh well!

FI just received wedding invite...

Re: FI just received wedding invite...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards