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FI made a special guest list addition today

KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

So, our invites went out March 10th. My FI asked today if we could invite his neighbor. My dilemma is that I don't want her to feel B-listed. We would have invited her initially, but we had only been out socially a few times when the invites went out. Recently, though, my FI and I have spent more time with her. I did not, however, mention or tell her when invites went out, and she hasn't seen me at the mailbox. I don't know if it matters that the reason we have been spending more time with her is that her brother died unexpectedly (at 32). of course, that brings up a whole other set of issues, because he was engaged to be married about a month after us.

Any thoughts/advice? Bottom line is, we like her and don't want to hurt any feelings.

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Re: FI made a special guest list addition today

  • classyduckclassyduck member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    Why not be honest? Tell her that you have come to regret that you weren't as close when you sent out your wedding invites, but that you appreciate how the friendship has developed, and would be honored if she could attend your wedding, and send her a formal invite.

    I remember a really insidious bit of science a social psychology professor shared with us once... the most effective way to make someone like you is to first admit that "I didn't like you at first, but, after I got to know you, I really liked you a lot." In other words, our degree of change in perception of someone is more important than our absolute regard of them. My point is, perhaps don't place too much weight on the fact that you weren't so close then, and be honest about how much you value her attendance now.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would just be honest. I ended up inviting someone late as well, and she completely understood. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Just be honest and say that you'd love to have her there.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with PPs that being honest is the best course of action.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Agreed. It's only been a couple of weeks, so I would just be honest. 

    A close friend of mine did that before we were close. We'd been spending more time together, and she said, "I wish I'd known you this well when we sent our invitations! Do you want to come? I'd love for you to be there." It was really sweet, and I was touched. I didn't feel slighted at all.
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you all! This is great advice. I'll take it today when I go over!
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I agree with previous posters.

    The problem with B-listing is that you're basically making a list of people you're only going to invite as declines come in. In this case, you're deciding to invite someone regardless of declines.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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