Invitee Question

Re: Invitee Question

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  It depends on how close you are and how snark you're feeling.
  
  You could call and ask, 'Hey, I noticed the invite is addressed to me only; is FI invited?' If they say yes, the decide if you two want to go.
  
  If they say no, I would decline the invite because I won't go where DH isn't welcome.
  
  If you're feeling snarky, you could just fill it out assuming he is invited, so mark it for two and list his name.
  
  Then if they call you, you can act surprised and say, 'Oh, I just assumed you were following the social convention of inviting couples together, knowing that it's terribly rude not to. My bad. In that case, no, I'm afraid I can't attend.'
  
  People who do not address invitations correctly deserve the headaches that accompany sending incorrect invites.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• SharedJoy member

  

  March 2014

  I think I am going to go with your option #2.
  
  Thanks so much for your reply!
  
  This and other invite posts makes me realize how important it is to properly address invitations.
  

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  And it's really not that hard to do!
  
  But people will remember forever that you effed it up.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  March 2014

  ditto Hisgirl

  
  

  
  

  Question - Do you live together?  If not, is there any chance they sent your FI a separate invitation?  Odd?  Yes,  but it's possible if you do not live together.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• SharedJoy member

  

  March 2014

  We live together.
  
  I think it is an issue of just know knowing. She obviously hasn't been scoping out these boards!
  

  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  March 2014

  I would call and ask (#1), especially because it's your FI.  Even people that don't follow the SO rule usually follow the engaged rule.  

  
  

  My sister was sent an invitation to a wedding to just her and did #2 and added her boyfriend (they lived together). She said she just assumed he was invited, and the hosts never said anything. My mom thought it was rude of her, but it was also rude of the hosts to not include her boyfriend.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  We always talk about how rude it is when people assume they can bring people who aren't specified on the invite. Granted, it's rude to leave off significant others, regardless of "seriousness" of the relationship, but be a good example and call to ask.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• SharedJoy member

  

  March 2014

  You guys are totally right. I did think that you weren't supposed to call to ask either.
  

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  March 2014

  I would call and "clarify," if you are good friends.  

  
  

  Actually, I would be a smart ass and ask my friend if there was a reason my FI wasn't invited.  

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• Alikat9614 member

  

  March 2014

  My FI and I just had the same thing happen. He received a seal and send invite from a girl he went to college with that only included his name (knowing we are engaged and I've met her post our engagement last October). My FI says she is flaky and that of course I'm invited, too, but who knows. Not sure what we'll end up doing about it!

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• saacjw member

  

  March 2014

  Totally call and ask. There's a chance that they made a mistake filling out the envelope- that actually happened to me. I had a friend's girlfriend on the list, but when my mother was writing envelopes, she missed the girlfriend. Totally honest mistake and I didn't catch it, so when he called to make sure she was invited, I apologized for missing her name and said that of course I wanted her to come. 

  

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• thesummersky member

  

  March 2014

  I would definitely call and ask. It could be an honest mistake. If not, then the ball is in your court as to whether or not you'd still want to go.

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• short+sassy member

  

  March 2014

  I'm in the benefit of the doubt/honest mistake camp also.  I know I had specifically told my mom...who is typically a very etiquette aware and polite lady...to make sure and include (and guest) for one of my single friends (she wasn't sure who she would bring) and include the name of my good friend's 4-year-old daughter on their invitation.

  My mom forgot to do both of those things and so then I got worried phone calls from each of these friends.  I had already told them verbally before the invites went out that the one could bring a guest and the other could bring her daughter.  I could read in their tones they felt rude and uncomfortable calling to ask about their invites, which made me feel bad.  But at least I was able to assure them my mom definitely knew about the guest and the daughter and it was TOTALLY fine to include them in the RSVP. 

  

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