I'll try to keep this short, but I am in need of some advice. My MOH and I have known each other for 12 years and have been best friends for about 9 of those. The past couple of years, she has gone back and forth with battling some mild depression. I honestly think she might be bipolar. She goes through these extreme highs and lows. When she's low, she looks for an escape. A few years ago, she decided on a whim to be a nanny in New Zealand. She lasted 6 months before she got upset and came home. Now, she is currently teaching English in the Republic of Georgia.
I got engaged in June, right around when she was looking into that program. When I told her and asked her to be my MOH, she "jokingly" said "Set the wedding for next summer so that I won't be abroad somewhere!" My fiance and I had always talked about getting married in September, and very quickly found a venue and vendors. So we booked them 14 months in advance. So anyway, MOH left in August and came back for a month during Christmas before returning in January. From August to January, she hinted on multiple occasions that she didn't know if was going to be at the wedding.
Also a sidenote that she is very very flaky. She changes her mind from one week to the next on what she's going to do and she can never plan more than three months in advance. She sent me a message in February stating that her current plan was to finish up her contract in June, travel to Europe for a month or two, and then to get another teaching job in Turkey or something in August. She said she would "try" to get the week of my wedding off and fly home for that week in September. My response was that I wouldn't be able to wait until July or August to find out "if" she was going to be able to make it. I also got a little harsh and said that it's hard to be friends with her when she's never here. I wouldn't have been so harsh, but she was not here mentally when she came back at Christmas. She talked about Georgia the entire time, and went on and on about how much she missed her friends over there. She would also sit in the corner during group gatherings and chat with them on her iPad instead of actually spending the little time she had here with us.
So after my response back, she sent a selfish reply saying "When you got engaged, I TOLD you to set the wedding in the summer" along with some other things. Anyway, in one of my responses I said I just needed a break to think about things. She sent me another message two weeks later saying we should chat, to which I replied that I didn't think it was a good idea because I'm still angry. She got back to me and said that she just needs to know if I still want her there because she's now applying to join the Peace Corp, which would start in January 2015. She said she would still probably travel to Europe for a bit this summer and then come back beginning-mid Sept (the wedding is 9/27) and then stay here until her assignment starts.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to regret not having her there. But I also don't want there to be tension between us if she were to be there. She makes it seem like if she does come (if I want her there), then she won't be back in the states until a week or two before the wedding). She'll have missed out on every part of the wedding process. If I tell her I don't want her there, then I will look like the bad guy and she'll be able to claim that none of this was her fault.
Thoughts?