Can't do it anymore!!

Re: Can't do it anymore!!

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  If she has a dress, she no longer needs to go dress shopping. Plain and simple.
  
  It's nice that you're involving her and doing nice things for her, but at some point, you're going to have to pull back and say, 'FMIL, enough is enough.'
  
  It sounds like she will take as much as you will give, so stop giving.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• mcgarci2 member

  

  March 2014

  Agreed.  That's like looking for something you lost after you found it.  Stop going with her to look for dresses if you've already purchased her one that she liked.  Maybe she is just trying to spend time with you?  Even so, I would find other ways to do that.
  
  I'm hoping to take my FMIL to look for a dress Easter weekend as she lives 8 hours away and we rarely get to see her because of the trek.  We also are paying to have her hair and makeup done for the wedding, but she would never act in such a way.  Just breathe OP you'll make it.
  

  }

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• Starlet514 member

  

  March 2014

  we stop giving... she starts crying... 

  we agree to spend >$200 on a dress she loved... she starts crying and says no it's too expensive IN THE STORE - like full on fit - like we just told a 4 yrs old santa wasn't real... (should have seen the looks we got - I walked away and let FI deal with it - I don't play games well with others)... we get a great dress she loved for $100 - she wants to keep looking... 

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• edandy member

  

  March 2014

  She might be taking advantage of you. Let her have her tantrum. 

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• SmileDamnit member

  

  March 2014

  Yeah, sounds like she's a manipulator and FI (along with the rest of the family, I'd venture to guess) has likely spent his life enabling such behavior. It's tough, particularly in the child role, to stop feeding such unhealthy behaviors, but placating to them isn't helping anyone. I agree with PP that it was nice to offer assistance to her, and you've done that by buying the dress. Time to be done. Let her tantrum as she wishes and just be there for FI to encourage a disengaged attitude when she tries to suck y'all in with her dramatics.

  

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• vmj23 member

  

  March 2014

  How about suggesting to her to look online, so you don't have to be involved at all?  My mom ordered a few from Nordstrom and sent back what she didn't want - free shipping, free returns.  

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• abbyj700 member

  

  March 2014

  She has a dress - she's done shopping or she needs to go alone. Don't start a fight with her, but maybe you and FI can ask politely what it is she wants to shop for since she already picked and you purchased a beautiful dress. 

  
  

  Honestly - my FMIL would probably do this too. I love her to death but sometimes everything has got to be drama. And when it comes to us paying for stuff (as we know they have huge financial issues) she will be vocal about it - but then realize that we have the money and she doesn't. It's hard because I know that has to suck - but any time we're paying for stuff it's because we love her, and we can afford it.

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