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uninvited guests

rikysegalrikysegal member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

So…

My mom’s brother lives in New Mexico. I haven’t seen him or his 3 kids since I was 13. His kids are  well older than me and divorced with kids of their own. I hadn’t even intended on inviting these cousins to the wedding since I hadn’t seen/talked to them in so long but when they found out I was engaged they were all “yeah, can’t wait to be there.” When I sent the save the dates, I did not include plus ones or kids on their cards. Just the cousins. I don’t know their kids, and I don’t even know if they have significant others.

I get this FB message yesterday from one of the cousins  saying “Can’t wait to be at the wedding and I’m bringing my two daughters.” No question, just a statement. What do I do? If he’s bringing his kids, then I can only assume his siblings will bring theirs (7 kids total) that’s a lot of extra heads.

We are allowing kids at the wedding but I hadn't planned on these extra kids and the guest count is already way too high. 

Also- my mom is incredibly passive so this isn't really a conversation she can have with her brother. its all on me. 

Help!

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Re: uninvited guests

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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Call and say no, sorry, we can only accommodate the you and your spouse.
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    rikysegalrikysegal member
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    i guess I can at least offer a guest. I just feel really bad saying "no" to family. 
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    tawillerstawillers member
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    rikysegal said:
    i guess I can at least offer a guest. I just feel really bad saying "no" to family. 
    What?  Do these people feel like family?  You haven't seen or talked to them in (I'm guessing) more than a decade.  They're not any different than people you fell out of touch with after high school.
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    rikysegalrikysegal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    They are very distant, and its not like I was invited to any of their weddings. 
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Why are you offering a guest if as you say your guest count is already too high?
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    rikysegalrikysegal member
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    I'm always confused as to the etiquette of the guest. When I was single, I was never invited to a wedding with a guest, but my MOH said its rude not to invite adults without one. 
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    It'd be one thing to invite someone to your wedding, and assume they'd just happily come alone to attend a party where they knew no one but you. But these relatives know plenty of other people - they only don't know the bride and groom. It's fine.
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    rikysegalrikysegal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    thanks. that helps
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    tawillerstawillers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Let your cousin know that due to your guest list restrictions, the invite is for cousin but maybe you can meet all the kids at the next family reunion. 
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    As long as you account for their SOs (find out if they have one), you don't have to invite their kids.

    If you're not close to them and haven't seen them in more than a decade, I'm not sure why you invited them, especially if your guest count is already too high, but you did, so you have to at least host them properly, which means inviting SOs BY NAME.

    Their children do not have to be accommodated, so just tell them, 'I'm sorry, your children weren't invited and can't be accommodated at the wedding; will you and your SO be attending?'
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    WzzWzz member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker

    i'm constantly confused as to why people insist that the STD is the actual invitation. i get the purpose - to hold the date because they'll expect an invitation. but really, things have a way of changing.and until you get that formal invite in your hand, you haven't been invited any place. i think the whole STD process needs to be revamped because people are just too confused about what it means.

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    rikysegalrikysegal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    i told him our space was limited and Id love to meet his daughters at a later date when we'll have real time to spend together. 
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    Wzz said:

    i'm constantly confused as to why people insist that the STD is the actual invitation. i get the purpose - to hold the date because they'll expect an invitation. but really, things have a way of changing.and until you get that formal invite in your hand, you haven't been invited any place. i think the whole STD process needs to be revamped because people are just too confused about what it means.

    But it is terribly rude to ask people to save a date and then not invite them to the event on that date. If things 'have a way of changing,' then don't send STDates, or don't send them to all guests (just send them to VIPS or people you KNOW you're going to be inviting). 

    But to send a STDate and then not invite someone essentially says, 'You might be good enough to be invited to my party, and hold the date in case you are, but don't count on being invited, because I might decide I don't like you enough afterall.'
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    rikysegalrikysegal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I've always seen the STD addressed the same as the invite and with the names of the intended invitees.

    To send a STD and not an invitation is pretty rude.  
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    WzzWzz member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker

    "I've always seen the STD addressed the same as the invite and with the names of the intended invitees."

     

    right. this is why. Maybe the STD was addressed to one person, and then the actual invitation may include more people. so until they have an invitation with their name on it, they shouldn't assume they are invited. i didn't explain myself clearly.

     

    but in general, STDs seem to have a way of confusing the people receiving them, and i think it is strange. that was my point.

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    rikysegalrikysegal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    gotcha
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    @Wzz, with you now.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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