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LinzD13 · March 2014

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KatWAG · March 2014

LinzD13 said:

I need some advice! My MOH is my best friend, and although I've only known her for 3 years, we are like 2 peas in a pod. Ever since I asked her to be my MOH, she hasn't done anything. I asked her to come dress shopping with my mom, MIL, and two sisters. I gave her 4-5 different dates to see what would work and she couldn't make any of them saying she had asked off for too many weddings already from work and they would be mad if she asked off for another date. Another reason she gave is that the weekend I finally went dress shopping( without her) she was having a "mini vacay" because she had been soooo busy with all the other weddings. Since then, I've invited her to a bridal show--she was busy doing other things, and doesn't ever ask about the wedding. I don't think she is planning a friend/bridesmaid shower, which is totally fine, I'm not expecting it, but now my aunt has stepped up and wants to throw a friend one for me. I feel like every time we hang out, it's only her life and she doesn't ask a single thing about how I'm doing or anything about the wedding unless I bring it up-which I'm not trying to because I feel bad talking about it. I just don't know what to do. I have two sisters who I would make the MOH's instead of her. I just feel like she doesn't care and I'm getting married in a little over 4 months. Still havent talked about bach party or ideas either. Am I being ridiculous?! What should I do?!?!

Yes you are being ridiculous.

Firing a MOH is a friendship ending move. Are you ready to completely end this friendship?

As for attending bridal shows and dress shopping events, those are not mandatory. And she clearyly isnt interested in attending. So let it go. FWIW, I think attending a bridal show sounds mind numbing and I love weddings.

I think you need to readjust your thinking. All your MOH needs to do is show up in the correct dress (which is within her budget) and smile for pictures. Anything else should be considered a bonus.

vmj23 · March 2014

Yes, you are being ridiculous! She isn't as excited about it as you are, because it is your wedding, not hers. She is busy and has her own life with stuff going on, it doesn't mean she isn't still your best friend! There are no requirements for her to do stuff with you, to be a maid of honor.

Jen4948 · March 2014

It's not her "job" to accompany you on dress shopping trips.

Unfortunately, you can't "fire" or replace a bridesmaid without risking your friendship with her. She doesn't have to plan a party with you or express enthusiasm for the wedding. All she's required to do is show up wearing the designated outfit sober and on time and go up and down the aisle with you.

The one thing you can do is accept that she just doesn't care about helping you plan your wedding and let it go. Save the wedding talk and shopping trips for people who do express interest in them.

If she's a really good friend, you can tell her that it seems to you that she doesn't seem interested in your life (don't mention the wedding specifically) and you find her lack of interest in you hurtful, but be prepared for that not to go down well.

OBX2011 · March 2014

LinzD13 said:

I need some advice! My MOH is my best friend, and although I've only known her for 3 years, we are like 2 peas in a pod. Ever since I asked her to be my MOH, she hasn't done anything. I asked her to come dress shopping with my mom, MIL, and two sisters. I gave her 4-5 different dates to see what would work and she couldn't make any of them saying she had asked off for too many weddings already from work and they would be mad if she asked off for another date. Another reason she gave is that the weekend I finally went dress shopping( without her) she was having a "mini vacay" because she had been soooo busy with all the other weddings. Since then, I've invited her to a bridal show--she was busy doing other things, and doesn't ever ask about the wedding. I don't think she is planning a friend/bridesmaid shower, which is totally fine, I'm not expecting it, but now my aunt has stepped up and wants to throw a friend one for me. I feel like every time we hang out, it's only her life and she doesn't ask a single thing about how I'm doing or anything about the wedding unless I bring it up-which I'm not trying to because I feel bad talking about it. I just don't know what to do. I have two sisters who I would make the MOH's instead of her. I just feel like she doesn't care and I'm getting married in a little over 4 months. Still havent talked about bach party or ideas either. Am I being ridiculous?! What should I do?!?!

Yes. You are being ridiculous. There is nothing for you to do.

Understand that YOUR wedding is not the first thing on her mind and no one is going to be, nor should they be, excited about your wedding as you are (except FI of course). While all of these wedding related things are fun for you, they may not be for her. She doesn't have to go to bridal shows with you or pick out flowers, centerpieces, invitations, etc. All she has to do is be a good friend and show up with a pretty dress and witness your vows.

Do you really want to be the kind of bride that kicks out your "best friend" b/c she isn't participating in all of these bridal activities and not asking about your wedding enough? I really hope not.

P.S. Not a single person, even your sisters, are required to throw you a bridal shower or b-party. Keyword here is required. If they do throw you one, consider yourself very fortunate b/c there are several girls on these boards that haven't had either one of those.

Couggal12 · March 2014

Nobody will care about your wedding as much as you do. The only things my BMs and MOHs have done with me so far is 2 of them went with me when I picked out my dress. Not because they had to but, because they wanted to. If they couldn't make it then life goes.

Same goes for your MOH. She has a life and is allowed to go on vacations or do whatever she wants with her time. The only thing she needs to absolutely do is buy her dress and show up. Do not end your friendship with her just because she does not participate in bridal activities.

Fran1985 · March 2014

Yes, if she is not performing her duties you should fire her and stop paying her. Unless of course you're not paying her, but surely you wouldn't ask about firing someone from a honorary position that you chose them for because of how much they mean to you.

jneen101 · March 2014

Yes you are being ridiculous. I wouldn't take off of work for my own dress shopping, let alone to watch someone else shop for a dress. That is absurd.

AddieCake · March 2014

I'll be your MOH.

CMGragain · March 2014

LinzD13 said:

I need some advice! My MOH is my best friend, and although I've only known her for 3 years, we are like 2 peas in a pod. Ever since I asked her to be my MOH, she hasn't done anything. I asked her to come dress shopping with my mom, MIL, and two sisters. I gave her 4-5 different dates to see what would work and she couldn't make any of them saying she had asked off for too many weddings already from work and they would be mad if she asked off for another date. Another reason she gave is that the weekend I finally went dress shopping( without her) she was having a "mini vacay" because she had been soooo busy with all the other weddings. Since then, I've invited her to a bridal show--she was busy doing other things, and doesn't ever ask about the wedding. I don't think she is planning a friend/bridesmaid shower, which is totally fine, I'm not expecting it, but now my aunt has stepped up and wants to throw a friend one for me. I feel like every time we hang out, it's only her life and she doesn't ask a single thing about how I'm doing or anything about the wedding unless I bring it up-which I'm not trying to because I feel bad talking about it. I just don't know what to do. I have two sisters who I would make the MOH's instead of her. I just feel like she doesn't care and I'm getting married in a little over 4 months. Still havent talked about bach party or ideas either. Am I being ridiculous?! What should I do?!?!

You are being completely ridiculous. You have been watching too much bridal porn on TV. Your MOH isn't required or expected on your shopping trips, except for the one where her dress is chosen. She should definitely have some input on that! She doesn't have to give any parties for you.
It sounds to me like you should back off on the wedding talk. Maybe you are overdoing it a bit? The world does not revolve around your wedding.

sarahufl · March 2014

You are being ridiculous. For sure. It sounds like she isnt meeting your expectations but you really need to adjust them.

CMGragain · March 2014

LOL! First the OP asks for advice, and when she gets it, she puffs off with a DD! @LinzD13, you were quoted several times. We can see what you posted. You asked if you were being ridiculous, and we told you. YES!!!
Now everybody is going to come over to this post to see what a silly bride you are!