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SMH at a friend and her RSVP

SBminiSBmini member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited March 2014 in Chit Chat
I have a friend who I'm pretty close to but not close enough to ask her to be in the wedding. Every time I've seen her since I've gotten engaged she's initiated conversations about my wedding. She always asks questions like "where are WE staying?" "what are WE eating?" we, we, we. Aka- assuming she's invited before getting an invitation. And she's right, she was invited, but still. Given her presumption, I assumed she'd be coming.

I invited her to the bachelorette party. As we're talking about that, I asked her if she got the wedding invitation since she hasn't RSVPed yet. She replied, "yeah, sorry, I won't be able to make it to the wedding. It's just a lot of money to spend for one weekend."

All I could do was shake my head and laugh a little. 

Edited for clarification
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Re: SMH at a friend and her RSVP

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see what there is to shake your head at. If the RSVP deadline hasn't passed for the bachelorette party, she didn't do anything wrong.

    And it's perfectly acceptable to be excited about a wedding and not willing or excited or able to spend a boatload of cash on a bachelorette weekend. 
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    SBmini said:
    I have a friend who I'm pretty close to but not close enough to ask her to be in the wedding. Every time I've seen her since I've gotten engaged she's initiated conversations about my wedding. She always asks questions like "where are WE staying?" "what are WE eating?" we, we, we. Aka- assuming she's invited before getting an invitation. And she's right, she was invited, but still. Given her presumption, I assumed she'd be coming.

    I invited her to the bachelorette party. As we're talking about that, I asked her if she got the invitation since she hasn't RSVPed yet. She replied, "yeah, sorry, I won't be able to make it. It's just a lot of money to spend for one weekend."

    All I could do was shake my head and laugh a little. 
    If I had to spend a lot of money on a bachelorette party when I wasn't a member of the wedding party...I would probably decline as well. Wanting to attend your ceremony does not equal wanting to attend a bachelorette party...

    I actually think that is a pretty polite decline with a reasonable circumstance.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is it the bachelorette party she's not going to? If so, I don't get what you're shaking your head at. 
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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    How much exactly is the cost per person for this bachelorette party? Does it involve out of town accommodations and travel expenses? Just curious.
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  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I thought OP was referring to the wedding invitiation, but maybe I'm wrong.
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  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    FormerCajun said:
    I thought OP was referring to the wedding invitiation, but maybe I'm wrong.
    This. I got the impression that OP and the friend were talking about the bachelorette party and then OP asked if she received the wedding invitation since she hadn't RSVPed for it yet. 

    If that's the case, then I would probably have had the same reaction, OP, since she was asking such detailed questions about the wedding. Also, people not RSVPing at all really gets under my skin.



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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    FormerCajun said:
    I thought OP was referring to the wedding invitiation, but maybe I'm wrong.
    It appears you might be right, I may have read this one wrong. Guess we will have to wait for OP for some clarification.

    If it is for the wedding invitation I still wouldn't be shaking my head unless it is beyond the RSVP date. Life situations change and she may have really wanted to go but cannot anymore for financials reasons. She may be kind of bummed about it and putting her on the spot plus judging her is kind of crappy.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    SBmini said:
    I have a friend who I'm pretty close to but not close enough to ask her to be in the wedding. Every time I've seen her since I've gotten engaged she's initiated conversations about my wedding. She always asks questions like "where are WE staying?" "what are WE eating?" we, we, we. Aka- assuming she's invited before getting an invitation. And she's right, she was invited, but still. Given her presumption, I assumed she'd be coming.

    I invited her to the bachelorette party. As we're talking about that, I asked her if she got the invitation since she hasn't RSVPed yet. She replied, "yeah, sorry, I won't be able to make it. It's just a lot of money to spend for one weekend."

    All I could do was shake my head and laugh a little. 
    Since OP said 'that' immediately after referring to the bachelorette party, I assumed she meant the b-party. The entire sentence reads like a discussion about the b-party, from OP saying that was the subject of the conversation when she asked the friend about the invitation and RSVP'ing, and then the friend saying it's a lot of money to spend for one weekend. 

    OP, clarification?
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • pumpkinsandturkeyspumpkinsandturkeys member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    SBmini said:
    I have a friend who I'm pretty close to but not close enough to ask her to be in the wedding. Every time I've seen her since I've gotten engaged she's initiated conversations about my wedding. She always asks questions like "where are WE staying?" "what are WE eating?" we, we, we. Aka- assuming she's invited before getting an invitation. And she's right, she was invited, but still. Given her presumption, I assumed she'd be coming.

    I invited her to the bachelorette party. As we're talking about that, I asked her if she got the invitation since she hasn't RSVPed yet. She replied, "yeah, sorry, I won't be able to make it. It's just a lot of money to spend for one weekend."

    All I could do was shake my head and laugh a little. 
    The bolded led me to believe that the friend is declining the wedding. However, I'm puzzled by how much she thinks it would cost to attend a wedding, if this is the case. Is it out of town for her? Would she need a hotel/incur travel costs?

    @SBmini -- clarification, please?


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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    She  is RSVPing no to the wedding. I don't know if she'll be coming to the bachelorette party yet. I'll edit the first post to make it more clear. 
    image
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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    PolarBearFitz said:
    FormerCajun said:
    I thought OP was referring to the wedding invitiation, but maybe I'm wrong.
    It appears you might be right, I may have read this one wrong. Guess we will have to wait for OP for some clarification.

    If it is for the wedding invitation I still wouldn't be shaking my head unless it is beyond the RSVP date. Life situations change and she may have really wanted to go but cannot anymore for financials reasons. She may be kind of bummed about it and putting her on the spot plus judging her is kind of crappy.
    I get that my wedding isn't the center of everyone's lives. However, she's better off financially now than she was when I got engaged. She's had the details for a year, and she's let me know a number of times how excited she was to attend the wedding. 

    I'm starting to realize that she's just a flaky person. I'm seeing a trend of  her talking up how much she's looking forward to something, only to bail last minute. 
    image
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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    SBmini said:
    PolarBearFitz said:
    FormerCajun said:
    I thought OP was referring to the wedding invitiation, but maybe I'm wrong.
    It appears you might be right, I may have read this one wrong. Guess we will have to wait for OP for some clarification.

    If it is for the wedding invitation I still wouldn't be shaking my head unless it is beyond the RSVP date. Life situations change and she may have really wanted to go but cannot anymore for financials reasons. She may be kind of bummed about it and putting her on the spot plus judging her is kind of crappy.
    I get that my wedding isn't the center of everyone's lives. However, she's better off financially now than she was when I got engaged. She's had the details for a year, and she's let me know a number of times how excited she was to attend the wedding. 

    I'm starting to realize that she's just a flaky person. I'm seeing a trend of  her talking up how much she's looking forward to something, only to bail last minute. 
    Ah, well that is a different story. Flakiness is annoying especially when people talk things up so much. I am dealing with this a little bit on my end as well.
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  • cruffinocruffino member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I had a friend do the same thing. Except he gave a really lame excuse. Oh well, some people are just flakes.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    In light of the clarifying details, that is odd. 

    Maybe she just wanted to feel like you wanted her there. Who knows?

    Very odd.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    With the updated info, I'd be shaking my head too. That's weird. 
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