Unneeded gift from future MIL

ShellD13 · March 2014

Hi All -

For my recent birthday, my future MIL gifted me with a guest book and pen set for our upcoming wedding. FI and I are planning an extremely casual wedding for less than 20 people including us not to mention we are skipping the whole formal reception in favor of taking everyone to dinner after the ceremony. So while the guest book/pen is nice we won't have the luxury of a convenient spot to set it up for people to sign and it feels somewhat silly to have a whole book when our wedding is so small. Finally, my sister is stitching a small (6" x 8") cross stitch design of the landmark where we are holding our ceremony and I was thinking of having our guests sign the mat that will be used to frame the design to commemorate our day.

How do I broach this topic with FMIL - I don't want to seem ungrateful but the gift is really not in keeping with the size and style of our wedding. I also don't want to ignore it completely - I know money is tight for my FIL's and if she can get her money back on an item that otherwise would sit unused in my closet all the better and I certainly don't want it to come up at dinner when we aren't circulating the guest book.

MrsMcCaw · March 2014

I would explain it to her and tell her it was a lovely gift but would be wasted with such a small wedding. Is there anything else you could use at the wedding that she could exchange it for? It seems like she was trying to get you something for the wedding so it might make her happy to get something else you could use.

kaos16 · March 2014

ShellD13 said:

Hi All -

For my recent birthday, my future MIL gifted me with a guest book and pen set for our upcoming wedding. FI and I are planning an extremely casual wedding for less than 20 people including us not to mention we are skipping the whole formal reception in favor of taking everyone to dinner after the ceremony. So while the guest book/pen is nice we won't have the luxury of a convenient spot to set it up for people to sign and it feels somewhat silly to have a whole book when our wedding is so small. Finally, my sister is stitching a small (6" x 8") cross stitch design of the landmark where we are holding our ceremony and I was thinking of having our guests sign the mat that will be used to frame the design to commemorate our day.

How do I broach this topic with FMIL - I don't want to seem ungrateful but the gift is really not in keeping with the size and style of our wedding. I also don't want to ignore it completely - I know money is tight for my FIL's and if she can get her money back on an item that otherwise would sit unused in my closet all the better and I certainly don't want it to come up at dinner when we aren't circulating the guest book.

Certainly you know your FMIL better than we do, but if it were my MIL I would just suck it up and put the book on a table somewhere at the restaurant for people to sign. In the grand scheme of a wedding, and a relationship with ILs, I'm not sure I would fight to hard on this one.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

I would just tell her honestly that you appreciate the gesture, but you already have something in mind for a guest book, and you'd hate for her to have wasted her money.

As long as you're gracious about it, she has no reason to be offended.

SewInLoveWithDMB · March 2014

I agree with kaos - she was trying to do something nice. It's hard, IMO, for a guest book not to fit in with the style of a wedding. It's just a book for people to sign.

You could even use both - a guest book for people to write longer messages (I do enjoy reading ours from time to time. Guests wrote nice messages), and then have the mat just for signatures and shorter-well-wishes.

I feel like approaching her and saying you won't use it just seems mean. Even if you say it nicely, it could still hurt her feelings.

ScoutF · March 2014

I'd just suck it up and use both, especially if she is anything like my MIL. Have one a the ceremony site and another at the restaurant.

Sars06 · March 2014

I don't see why it would be such a big deal to just use it. If you are taking people to dinner at a restaurant, the staff can probably find a small table nearby to place it. It's such a small gift that it seems mean to turn it down.

STARMOON44 · March 2014

Just put it on a table somewhere. It's really not worth refusing the gift just because it doesn't fit your vision. If there are only 20 people there it's not like have 2 things to sign is going to cause a line build up.

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

I would just thank her and use it.

phira · March 2014

I'd actually just use it. Because your wedding is so small, it actually means everyone is likely to sign (the last two weddings I went to, I forgot to sign the guestbook; it's not required, but I LIKE signing them, so I felt silly), and there will be enough room for people to do more than just write their name or a short sentence. You could also pass it around during dinner.

If you're really HELL NO about it, that's okay, too. Because it'll be so obvious that you're not using it, I'd address it directly. You and your fiance should tell your future mother-in-law, "Thank you so much for the guestbook! We actually have already chosen another guestbook." And then use @HisGirlFriday13's wording: You don't want her money to go to waste.

SP29 · March 2014

I'd put both the book and cross-stitch out on a table.

grumbledore · March 2014

kaos16 said:

ShellD13 said:

Hi All -

For my recent birthday, my future MIL gifted me with a guest book and pen set for our upcoming wedding. FI and I are planning an extremely casual wedding for less than 20 people including us not to mention we are skipping the whole formal reception in favor of taking everyone to dinner after the ceremony. So while the guest book/pen is nice we won't have the luxury of a convenient spot to set it up for people to sign and it feels somewhat silly to have a whole book when our wedding is so small. Finally, my sister is stitching a small (6" x 8") cross stitch design of the landmark where we are holding our ceremony and I was thinking of having our guests sign the mat that will be used to frame the design to commemorate our day.

How do I broach this topic with FMIL - I don't want to seem ungrateful but the gift is really not in keeping with the size and style of our wedding. I also don't want to ignore it completely - I know money is tight for my FIL's and if she can get her money back on an item that otherwise would sit unused in my closet all the better and I certainly don't want it to come up at dinner when we aren't circulating the guest book.

Certainly you know your FMIL better than we do, but if it were my MIL I would just suck it up and put the book on a table somewhere at the restaurant for people to sign. In the grand scheme of a wedding, and a relationship with ILs, I'm not sure I would fight to hard on this one.

This is what I would do. It won't hurt anyone to have it out and I'm sure there will be a spot in the restaurant that you can use.

hyechica81 · March 2014

i would keep it but since its only 20 people you could have them write messages to you.. i saw this neat idea on printrest of a round wood peice that was used to sign a guest book my cousins boyfriend does lots of wood work stuff and they are having one custom made for me for all my guest to sign

a13049 · March 2014

I agree, I would set it up at the ceremony. People typically show up early for you wedding anyways so you can just set it out somewhere so that you are pleasing MIL. People can sign both, NBD.

ShellD13 · March 2014

Setting it up at the ceremony site isn't an option. We are literally planning a very short (10 - 15 min) ceremony at an open air venue without any decoration other than the existing landscape (it is a beautiful local park that overlooks the ocean and a lighthouse) and then going directly to an area restaurant. We may be able to get a tiny bit of extra space at the restaurant but that will be highly dependent on the weather as we have only made a reservation (no private room, etc). And this particular restaurant is on the ocean and very good so if the weather is cooperating it could be busy with other patrons.

And to be truthful I'm worried about having ANY type of guest book (FMIL's book -or- my small mat) at the restaurant as I think it maybe too difficult to sign while seated around a table/dishes everywhere. Not to mention the potential for it to be ruined (spills, etc.) in the process of it being passed around. :-(

The only other option I can foresee is having it out at our home the night before the wedding when we host a dinner for our families - but then I wonder if that is appropriate as they would technically be signing it/them before the wedding takes place.

phira · March 2014

Then I think you need to weigh (with your fiance) your options. I would contact the restaurant and ask. You might want to make the reservation for 1-2 additional people who "couldn't make it at the last minute" to increase the space you have at the table.

Unneeded gift from future MIL

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