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Is this a hill to die on?

thelastdreamerthelastdreamer member
500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
FI and I decided that we wanted to have our respective siblings (he has one little sister, I have one little brother - both teenagers) to stand up with us on oursides as a groomsmaid and bridesman. We asked them and they both agreed. FI's mom told us what a great idea it was. 

Then my parents found out and went ape****. They're mega traditional and said it is embarrassing and downright weird to have my brother stand on the "girls side." They said everyone will spend our entire ceremony trying to figure out why they're on the wrong sides instead of paying attention to FI and I. Like we argued about this for a solid 90 minutes last night. 

Parentals are paying. Is this a they who pay get a say where I forfeit my right to what I want? Or can I stomp my feet right here on this hill? 
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Re: Is this a hill to die on?

  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Eh, honestly, I can go either way on this. I don't think it's a big deal if they are on your sides but I also don't think it's a big deal for you just put them on the other sides. Like really, what difference does it make? They are still going to standing up there and in all the photos. This is a small one I would just give to the parents in order to fight for something bigger/ more important down the road.

                                                                     

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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I just wouldn't discuss it. When it comes to WP, it doesn't matter who is paying, only the B&G get a say.

    Trust me, no one will be scandalised by your brother standing on your side and your FI's sister standing on his side. 

    If you have a programme, and your FSIL has the same surname as your FI and you and your brother have the same surname, people will look at the programmes, read the names, and say to themselves, 'Oh, that's Bride's younger brother and that's Groom's younger sister. How sweet of them to be involved!'

    It would take a lot for people to be so distracted by the WP to not focus on the B&G. A LOT.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your parents should have no say in your bridal party. If they bring it up again tell them the decision has been made and the discussion is closed.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If they are mega traditional, and first time parents of marrying children, perhaps they don't know how trends have changed.  The current wedding trends are a FAR cry from what was seen and done when I married.  Honestly, I think many of the new trends are a change for the better.  

    Show some pictures to them.  Explain to them that the focus is now on significance and meaning rather than display and showcase.  The siblings are old enough to make these decisions.  My guess is they are flattered and honored to stand beside their marrying siblings.  Highlight that to your folks.  Perhaps it is the titles versus the actual posture that is unsettling to them. 

    I am not a fan of the "if they pay they have a say" mentality.  However, I know it exists.  But I think if and when it does, it should only apply to the reception and not the wedding ceremony itself.  That is the one component that I think should be all about the bridal couple.  Give them some time to absorb this concept, and perhaps revisit later when you and your FI have come to a decision as to how firmly you feel about it.


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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You spent 90 minutes arguing about that?

    How did you fill up the 89 minutes after you said "It is our decision and we are so excited to have them stand up with us". I swear, people get their panties in a wad too much about weddings.
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  • ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderfulifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    We have the same situation, my brother and his sister. He is really close to his sister so I made the same suggestion as you, that she stand on his side and my brother on mine. My FI felt like it would be a slight to his sister (I actually think she would have felt honored because of how close they are) but whatever, she will be with me and my brother will be with him. In the grand scheme of things it won't matter. However, we did make the decision ourselves and I agree with the others that your bridal party is up to you, not your parents. We are also having uneven sides, gasp!

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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    My brother is my best man.  FI's best friend (who is like a sister to him) is his maid of honor.  While my brother and FI are actually pretty close, he's my baby brother and I want him standing with me.  I'm also very close with his best friend, but she's his best friend. 

    And I've been to other weddings with mixed gender bridal party sides.  No one cared or said anything or thought it was weird.  If they did/do, they are worrying about something stupid and possibly more than a little ignorant.  Do what makes you happy.

    "Those who pay get a say" goes for things money is being spent on - like guest lists for dinner.  No one gets to dictate your wedding party but you.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    This is a hill I would die on.  Regardless of how much they are paying, they do not get a say in your wedding party-regardless of how "traditional" they are or how "weird" they think it would be.  They will have to get over it.
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  • thelastdreamerthelastdreamer member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    Based on the feedback, it looks like I'm going to need a lotta extra spicy bean dip on this. My parents are definitely ones to harp (which is why we had a 90 minute conversation about it).
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