I just need to vent for a minute. So I've been engaged for a year now at this point. Last summer, one of my bridesmaids and I had a falling out after another wedding we were both in. After not talking to me for a month, she sent me this long email saying she didn't think she could meet my expectations of what a bridesmaid should be. Which is pretty ridiculous, because I think I've gone out of my way to be accommodating and not demanding about everything in my planning. Anyway, she lives in Florida, and is pretty broke and I told her that her only requirement was to show up on the day of, and to buy the BM dress (which I told her I would absolutely help her out with if she needed it). I added that I'd like it if she could come up to MA for one of the parties (shower or bachelorette), but obviously don't expect her to fly up here 3 times during the summer and would understand if she can't make it. Six months go by and all this time I'm assuming she's coming for the bachelorette party because she never said otherwise - and had mentioned a few times that she'd rather go to the bach part than the shower. A few weeks ago she mentioned that she might not be able to make it. Time off she said (she only gets 5 days a year), flight cost, etc. She's just getting back from a trip with her family a few days before my bachelorette weekend. Because she's going to be out a few days earlier that week she can't just work late all week and leave early on Friday. This was the first I heard of any of this. And when I mentioned it to my sister (MOH) who's planning the party, my sister said she hadn't heard any of it either - she had been responding to emails and making plans with them all along as if she was going. She would have picked a different weekend, my sister said. I even offered to buy her plane ticket. We're going tubing about 2 hours north of the city for the weekend and I told her that even if she landed at 9PM at night, we'd pick her up and then drive up north.
This morning I get an email and she's officially out. The logistics of flying up on a Friday night and then having someone get her and drive her 2 hours to where the party is just to do it again Sunday morning don't make sense to her. Never mind that I live not far from the airport and could easily pick her up on the way up.
I saw her last week when my fiance and I were in Florida and we talked about it a little (my fiance thought it was a good idea to tell her I was upset when I was in the bathroom) and she got all mad that I was upset saying "well I told you I couldn't make everything" and "I knew I'd disappoint you as a bridesmaid." I told her that she's right. I'm not mad at her, I'm sad that my best friend isn't coming to my bachelorette party. I'm allowed to be sad. She turned this whole discussion around and made herself the victim - "well you have no right to be mad at me, I told you I probably couldn't make it." FFS, I'm not mad. I'm sad. This isn't about her responsibilities as a bridesmaid, I'd be sad whether she was a BM or not.
I'm sad because I feel like I would go out of my way to go to my best friend's bachelorette party, even if it meant 3 hours on a plane and 2 hours in a car for a weekend trip. I'm sad because I was led to believe all along that she was going to be coming to the bachelorette party.
I'm posting here because I'm sad and wanted to vent. I'm not going to say anything to her other than "I understand and can't wait to see you at the wedding!" I don't need a lecture about how no one is obligated to attend and taking two flights up in the span of a month is expensive. I know it is, and I get it. Like I said, I'm sad and wanted to vent about it. I'm sad because I feel like I've tried so hard in all of my wedding planning to be accommodating about everything and everyone (I've been on here a lot after all!), and I feel like she's turning me into a bridezilla as if I've demanded this of her.
ETA: Woah this is long. Sorry.