What is Formal Attire for a wedding?

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

So we got a wedding invitation from FI's family the wedding invitation indicates formal attire?

What you consider formal attire for a male and female? The wedding is in NYC if that makes a difference....

Blah I hate when people dictate what I need to wear places, I'm an adult I know how to dress myself properly for a wedding.....

happywiggle · March 2014

Peaseblossom55 said:

So we got a wedding invitation from FI's family the wedding invitation indicates formal attire?
What you consider formal attire for a male and female? The wedding is in NYC if that makes a difference....
Blah I hate when people dictate what I need to wear places, I'm an adult I know how to dress myself properly for a wedding.....

Wear whatever you feel is appropriate. It is rude for them to tell you how to dress to an event.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

Formal attire to me equals a black suit for the guy and a nice cocktail dress for the woman.

But I would wear whatever you feel comfortable in and think is appropriate.

phira · March 2014

I ... have no idea.

I'd either wear what you'd feel comfortable wearing, OR I'd call and ask. I'd be more inclined to do the former, because screw them if I don't show up properly dressed.

offthemarket915 · March 2014

What time of day is the wedding?

What kind of venue?

daria24 · March 2014

What is the venue? Hotel ballroom, event space, restaurant, etc?

Is it an evening wedding?

Assuming it's an evening wedding at a hotel, it would mean at least a dark suit for the guys and a cocktail dress for ladies. But in NYC it would not be uncommon to see many men in tuxes (that they already own) and ladies in floor-length gowns at a wedding like this. In my experience most of the women will be wearing black or other dark colors.

STARMOON44 · March 2014

Dark suit for man, cocktail dress for woman.

s-aries8990 · March 2014

Yep - suit and cocktail attire.

thisismynickname2 · March 2014

Hate to say it, but I'd interpret this as dark suit and tie for men, and floor-length gown for women. Since I don't own a floor-length gown, I'd show up in the fanciest cocktail-length dress I had. SorryNotSorry if that ruins the bride's vision.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

To all the lurkers out there, this is why you don't tell people how to dress on an invitation! It causes confusion for your poor guests and leaves too much up for interpretation! OP I'd wear dark jeans and a hooters tank top because that's my snark coming out! Lol jk just wear a cocktail dress and have your man wear a black suit like pps said.

RebeccaFlower · March 2014

I certainly wouldn't be buying a 'formal' full length dress just for one wedding, so fancy cocktail dress it would be for me, unless you did a Rent the Runway or something.

APDSS22 · March 2014

Dress robes.

classyduck · March 2014

Well, according to this article by theknot, formal attire is:

"The wording here suggests something slightly less formal than black tie. This means that a tuxedo isn't required but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate.

He should wear: A tuxedo or a formal dark suit and tie.
She should wear: A long dress, a dressy suit, or a formal cocktail-length dress in a dark, neutral tone like brown, gray, or black."

One question about this -- I thought dictating specific attire was rude but that it was ok to indicate dress code? I guess I thought that letting guests know the dress code was courteous in the sense that it will inform them about the formality of the event so they can dress appropriately. Or maybe that is just for a black tie event, since black tie is more formal than usual? Anyway, would appreciate clarification.

doeydo · March 2014

Well, the snark in me says that your FI could wear a mankini

And you could wear a cocktail dress like this
A model walks the runway at John Richmond's Spring/Summer 2006 women's collection during Milan's fashion week on September 27, 2005 in Milan.

A model walks the runway at John Richmond's Spring/Summer 2006 women's collection during Milan's fashion week on September 27, 2005 in Milan.

But seriously, a suit for your FI and a cocktail dress or pantsuit for yourself.

APDSS22 · March 2014

classyduck said:

Well, according to this article by theknot, formal attire is:

"The wording here suggests something slightly less formal than black tie. This means that a tuxedo isn't required but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate.
He should wear: A tuxedo or a formal dark suit and tie.
She should wear: A long dress, a dressy suit, or a formal cocktail-length dress in a dark, neutral tone like brown, gray, or black."

One question about this -- I thought dictating specific attire was rude but that it was ok to indicate dress code? I guess I thought that letting guests know the dress code was courteous in the sense that it will inform them about the formality of the event so they can dress appropriately. Or maybe that is just for a black tie event, since black tie is more formal than usual? Anyway, would appreciate clarification.

Telling your guests what to wear is rude unless the event meets black tie/white tie criteria. Indicating "formal attire" means you could adhere to TK's definition of formal attire, or make up your own. Which could be anything. Guests should be able to infer the appropriate level of formality from the material, font and layout of the invitation, the time the event starts, and the venue chosen for the event.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

classyduck said:
Well, according to this article by theknot, formal attire is:

"The wording here suggests something slightly less formal than black tie. This means that a tuxedo isn't required but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate.
He should wear: A tuxedo or a formal dark suit and tie.
She should wear: A long dress, a dressy suit, or a formal cocktail-length dress in a dark, neutral tone like brown, gray, or black."

One question about this -- I thought dictating specific attire was rude but that it was ok to indicate dress code? I guess I thought that letting guests know the dress code was courteous in the sense that it will inform them about the formality of the event so they can dress appropriately. Or maybe that is just for a black tie event, since black tie is more formal than usual? Anyway, would appreciate clarification.

The only time it is appropriate to mention attire is if it is truly black tie. Anything else just gets confusing as shown with this thread. "Formal attire", "semi formal", "beach casual" and anything else is just ridiculous and confusing because everyone has a different definition for those things. Also a dress code is different then just wanting your guests to dress a certain way. A dress code is something you have to follow or you would not be allowed entry (ex: coat and tie for men at a country club). But stating attire level is basically you trying to get your guests to dress the way you want so you can achieve the look you are going for. Adults do not need to be told how to dress.

The only time it is okay to talk about attire is a)if it is black tie, b) if there is a dress code at the venue and c) if the flooring is grass, dirt, sand or something like that that your guests would benefit knowing about in regards to attire and shoe choice. And the only one of the three that can be noted on an invite is A.

classyduck · March 2014

Thanks ladies for the clarification -- I suspected the Black Tie criteria was what I was remembering.

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

Hi guys I left work and had to run errands so I'm back. You guys are all awesome. The wedding is at a restaurant at 6pm.

I was planning to wear a black cocktail dress and FI has a dark suit. So it seems like our idea wasn't too far off, I wanted to come to the experts to get some opinions to see if it differed. I don't think anyone will wear a tux but since it's family we can always ask around and get a feel for what the rest of the family is doing.

artbyallie · March 2014

classyduck said: Well, according to this article by theknot, formal attire is:
"The wording here suggests something slightly less formal than black tie. This means that a tuxedo isn't required but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate.He should wear: A tuxedo or a formal dark suit and tie.
She should wear: A long dress, a dressy suit, or a formal cocktail-length dress in a dark, neutral tone like brown, gray, or black."
One question about this -- I thought dictating specific attire was rude but that it was ok to indicate dress code? I guess I thought that letting guests know the dress code was courteous in the sense that it will inform them about the formality of the event so they can dress appropriately. Or maybe that is just for a black tie event, since black tie is more formal than usual? Anyway, would appreciate clarification.
ETA: Because apparently TK has decided I will never have a fucking quote box again ever.

Black tie (or white tie, which is more formal still and generally reserved for things like White House or royal banquets) is only to be indicated by the two words being placed on the bottom of the invitation, and only if the event is truly black tie. This involves such details as beginning after 6pm, hosted valet service, top shelf open bar, live music, white-gloved service of a multi-course meal, etc. It is, however, never appropriate to include any other wording indicating attire on any part of an invitation because one does not tell one's guests how to dress. If your country club or what have you requires a dinner jacket or something like that, you may indicate such, but that is the only exception. Your invitation style and venue choice will prompt the formality, and that is easy enough for a guest to see, particularly in this age of technology where one can Google the venue.

phira · March 2014

I know my first post was snarky, but since I'd interpret "formal attire" to mean "floor-length gowns for women" and "tuxes for men," that would require that my partner rent a tux and that I either wear my prom dress or my wedding dress, or buy a new dress.

I interpret cocktail dresses as semi-formal.

I'm not saying, "GUYS you're wrong!" I'm saying, "Here's how I, personally, interpret that ... and why you should probably NOT put 'formal' or 'semi-formal' as a dress code."

daria24 · March 2014

If it's at a restaurant I think what you had planned sounds perfect.

hikebikebemerry · March 2014

I eye roll dress code so hard. FI's cousin is getting married, and I was told it was a "floor length dress and FI wearing a tux type of occasion".

I'm sure it will be nice, but 4 p.m. reception after 2+ hour gap makes me feel differently.

CMGragain · March 2014

"Formal attire" actually means a tailcoat (white tie) for your husband and a floor length gown for you. Given that anyone who would have a party like this wouldn't be rude and ignorant enough to tell you how to dress, I suspect the other posters are correct. Formal night on a cruise ship means dark suits for men and cocktail attire for ladies.

lc07 · March 2014

I wouldn't wear a full length gown to a restaurant wedding, regardless of how nice of a restaurant it was. I'd wear a very dressy cocktail dress. Dark suit and tie for my husband.

RebeccaB88 · March 2014

My immediate inclination is what @phira said - tux and long dress. But if it's at a restaurant, I don't think it's truly formal. I think they just want you to dress up. So probably the dark suit and cocktail dress will be fine. Most people don't wear tuxes to go out to dinner. Of course, I live in an area where for some people 'formal' means starched jeans, dress boots, and the belt buckle from their biggest rodeo win ever. So don't mind me.

wrigleyville · March 2014

In this situation, "formal attire" is probably their passive-aggressive way of saying, "Don't wear jeans to my wedding."

I wouldn't wear a floor-length gown to a restaurant, unless it was a truly black-tie restaurant with a dress code.

What is Formal Attire for a wedding?

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