Ring Bearer was asked to be in wedding six months ago - now couple changed their mind - he's out???

Needanswersnow · March 2014

A little boy member of the groom's family was asked to be ring bearer back in Sept. 2013 at the couples engagement dinner. We were all thrilled.

Six months later and four months before the wedding they kicked him out.

The did say he could walk down the aisle, but by no means be at the reception or not even the rehersal dinner.

The reason - they have a few depending on the wedding couple's mood and day.

Their reasons: are my (the bride) cousins will be upset seeing a child at the wedding, when it's adults only. But, I guess seeing him walk down the aisle they wouldn't notice.

Or we are cutting costs - but children his age would be free - so that makes no sense.

Or we simply changed our minds (six months later) and that is our decision and you have to respect it.

Or when we first asked we got caught up in all the excitement and then we just changed our minds.

What are some of your thoughts to this situation?

AddieCake · March 2014

It's rude.

phira · March 2014

Needanswersnow said:

A little boy member of the groom's family was asked to be ring bearer back in Sept. 2013 at the couples engagement dinner. We were all thrilled.

Six months later and four months before the wedding they kicked him out.

The did say he could walk down the aisle, but by no means be at the reception or not even the rehersal dinner.

The reason - they have a few depending on the wedding couple's mood and day.

Their reasons: are my (the bride) cousins will be upset seeing a child at the wedding, when it's adults only. But, I guess seeing him walk down the aisle they wouldn't notice.

Or we are cutting costs - but children his age would be free - so that makes no sense.

Or we simply changed our minds (six months later) and that is our decision and you have to respect it.

Or when we first asked we got caught up in all the excitement and then we just changed our minds.

What are some of your thoughts to this situation?

Kicking anyone out of the wedding party is rude, and that includes what's happening here. Clearly, they didn't think it through, but this is why we don't recommend that ANYONE pick out their wedding party immediately. Kicking someone out of the wedding is usually a relationship-ending move.

As for what to do? The fact that they're giving a million reasons and have obviously made up their minds already tells me that the only thing TO do would be to withdraw the young boy from the wedding completely. If I were his parents, depending on my relationship with the couple, I would also consider not attending. Not a hostage holding, ultimatum thing ("You'd better let my kid come to the reception or else we won't come!"), but a decision that's made and stuck with ("We understand that you're now willing to invite our son to the reception as well, but we've already made our decision based on how you treated us earlier").

KickAssMOH · March 2014

THIS IS SO WRONG and that poor little girl !! UGH!

When I was 5 yrs old, I was asked to be the flower girl at my uncle's wedding. My mom bought me a dress according to the bride's specifications. A few months before wedding, bride changed her mind and decided not to have any children in the WP. I still attended the wedding, but you can bet my parents NEVER LET ME FORGET that horrible etiquette snafu!!! The marriage lasted 3 months, probably because my uncle realized he was marrying a horrible person. Uncle and I are now bff's and he regrets what happened 25 yrs ago.

Inkdancer · April 2014

Needanswersnow said:

Thank you everyone who has replied so far, I really appreciate your comments and support in thinking this is rude and wrong.

We are not trying to get him to be back into the WP, we just can't believe that they are being so rude and they claim they love him. Actions don't match their words at all.

Some people start taking crazy pills when they plan their wedding. It makes them do things they wouldn't normally do.

MrsMarende · March 2014

I asked for my niece and nephew to participate in the ceremony if they choose, but not attend the reception, however it was made clear from the start that we would be providing a baby sitter at the venue to watch them after the ceremony.

If they originally offered for the children to be included in everything than it is very rude to change their minds and the parents should feel free to decline their invitation as well.

Unfortunately you cannot force them to allow the children or change their rude behavior.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

They are rude. But there really isn't much that can be done. But if I were the parents of this kid I would be declining the invitation.

grumbledore · March 2014

Needanswersnow said:

A little boy member of the groom's family was asked to be ring bearer back in Sept. 2013 at the couples engagement dinner. We were all thrilled.

Six months later and four months before the wedding they kicked him out.

The did say he could walk down the aisle, but by no means be at the reception or not even the rehersal dinner.

The reason - they have a few depending on the wedding couple's mood and day.

Their reasons: are my (the bride) cousins will be upset seeing a child at the wedding, when it's adults only. But, I guess seeing him walk down the aisle they wouldn't notice.

Or we are cutting costs - but children his age would be free - so that makes no sense.

Or we simply changed our minds (six months later) and that is our decision and you have to respect it.

Or when we first asked we got caught up in all the excitement and then we just changed our minds.

What are some of your thoughts to this situation?

It's incredibly rude and insulting to ask someone to be in the WP and then kick them out, so whoever did this (sounds like it was you?) is wrong, wrong, wrong and should feel very badly.

This is why you don't ask people in the heat of the moment - you wait until closer to the wedding and make sure you know what you want.

You (or whoever the offender is) need to apologize profusely to these people for your rudeness. Yesterday.

grumbledore · March 2014

MrsMarende said:

I asked for my niece and nephew to participate in the ceremony if they choose, but not attend the reception, however it was made clear from the start that we would be providing a baby sitter at the venue to watch them after the ceremony.

If they originally offered for the children to be included in everything than it is very rude to change their minds and the parents should feel free to decline their invitation as well.

Unfortunately you cannot force them to allow the children or change their rude behavior.

Seriously? This to me just says "you are cute props but that's it" and it's really gross.

Maggie0829 · March 2014

I agree with @grumbledore. Only allowing kids to be in the ceremony and not attend the reception is basically you using them as props rather then really caring about them.

Jen4948 · March 2014

It's rude and cruel to the poor kid.

climbingsingle · March 2014

That's extremely rude.

jdluvr06 · March 2014

It is rude to do that to anyone but there is something especially awful and heartless about doing that to a poor kid. If I were the boy's parents I would not be going to that wedding. Actually if I were another guest at the wedding and heard they did that to anyone's kid I wouldn't be going.

grumbledore · March 2014

jdluvr06 said:

It is rude to do that to anyone but there is something especially awful and heartless about doing that to a poor kid. If I were the boy's parents I would not be going to that wedding. Actually if I were another guest at the wedding and heard they did that to anyone's kid I wouldn't be going.

Agreed. I would definitely decline this rude couple's wedding. Scar my kid at your peril.

fionahalliwell · March 2014

I've told this story before, but when I was six, my sister (then four) and I were asked to be flower girls in our cousin's wedding. Everything was fine until MOB (our mom's cousin) called our mom and told her that she thought we shouldn't come to the reception because it'd be "more fun" for my parents. My mom told her no way, since she wasn't flying 3,000 miles to have us sit in a hotel room all night. They don't really talk anymore.

To any brides thinking about flower girls and ring bearers: children are NOT props. They do not serve to make your WP photos beautiful. In fact, I can show you more than one family photo ruined by an adorable child who didn't have the patience to pose. All good. But just remember that they are little people who just want to be part of all the fun. Have kids, don't have kids, whatever, but never expect a kid to be in the ceremony and then happily go sit in a room with some random babysitter.

indianaalum · March 2014

MrsMarende said:

I asked for my niece and nephew to participate in the ceremony if they choose, but not attend the reception, however it was made clear from the start that we would be providing a baby sitter at the venue to watch them after the ceremony.

If they originally offered for the children to be included in everything than it is very rude to change their minds and the parents should feel free to decline their invitation as well.

Unfortunately you cannot force them to allow the children or change their rude behavior.

Poor etiquette. you are using them as props then. Anyone who has been asked to be a "role" in the wedding should ABSOLUTELY be invited to the reception..and NOT in the babysitting section

indianaalum · March 2014

jdluvr06 said:

It is rude to do that to anyone but there is something especially awful and heartless about doing that to a poor kid. If I were the boy's parents I would not be going to that wedding. Actually if I were another guest at the wedding and heard they did that to anyone's kid I wouldn't be going.

I agree. Kids get sooooo excited about being in weddings. To be told you are in it, then kicked out could be devastating to a little kid. That person is shitty..My guess is they wanted the kid to be a prop, but was one of those "no kids at my wedding" people. Somebody probably pointed out their bad etiquette, so instead kicked him out instead of invite him to the reception. rude rude rude

btw, you didn't pay for a tux or anything ? if so, i'd ask to get it reimbursed for sure

Inkdancer · March 2014

As hurtful as it would be to be kicked out of a wedding party as an adult, it would be 100 times worse to a kid. That's tantamount to telling them "I don't love you anymore". How mean!

lookame3639 · March 2014

I can only imagine how upset this little boy is. He had such a big role and now he's basically nothing...

Needanswersnow · April 2014

Thank you everyone who has replied so far, I really appreciate your comments and support in thinking this is rude and wrong.

We are not trying to get him to be back into the WP, we just can't believe that they are being so rude and they claim they love him. Actions don't match their words at all.

Ring Bearer was asked to be in wedding six months ago - now couple changed their mind - he's out???

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