Adult Flower Girls

ninalovespurple · March 2014

We don't have any little kids in our family and want to honor two cousins who are 18/21 respectively. I've heard of grandmothers, 'Jr. Bridesmaids', family friends, etc all doing the duties of the flower girls so we want to ask these two cousins to be our flower girls (also, I was their Mom's flower girl 22 years ago so it's kinda a full circle thing... awwww).

Should we still call them Flower Girls? Jr. Bridesmaids? I lean away from Jr Bridesmaid because they are not junior and I really don't like the term honorary bridesmaids. Or should we create our own title? And how should we ask these girls to be a part of our wedding? (for reference I wrote a poem for the bridesmaids).

Thanks for all your help!

Viczaesar · March 2014

ninalovespurple said:

We don't have any little kids in our family and want to honor two cousins who are 18/21 respectively. I've heard of grandmothers, 'Jr. Bridesmaids', family friends, etc all doing the duties of the flower girls so we want to ask these two cousins to be our flower girls (also, I was their Mom's flower girl 22 years ago so it's kinda a full circle thing... awwww).

Should we still call them Flower Girls? Jr. Bridesmaids? I lean away from Jr Bridesmaid because they are not junior and I really don't like the term honorary bridesmaids. Or should we create our own title? And how should we ask these girls to be a part of our wedding? (for reference I wrote a poem for the bridesmaids).

Thanks for all your help!

Bridesmaids (not junior), readers, or nothing.

OliveOilsMom · March 2014

Ditto Vic. Flowers girls are not a necessity to getting married, they are not required. If you want these two girls in your wedding, ask them to be BMs. Even sides aren't required, so don't worry about your FI adding 2 two more GM. Or reader is also an acceptable role for people you would like to honor.

katiert8432 · March 2014

I feel as though it is your wedding, and as long as the girls are ok with being "flower girls" then it's fine. I saw on pinterest..maybe..where a couple had girls that walked down the aisle with candles in dedication of loved ones who had passed and they called them something else besides bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, I just don't remember what it was..so maybe you could have them be a part of the ceremony without having them throw flowers. Maybe they could jointly carry one of those cute "ring bearer" signs that say 'Here comes you bride..', 'too late to run', etc. I would also make up a title don't call them flower girls because there is a perception of a little girl which might be a turn off for an 18 year old. I would ask them similar to the way you asked the bridesmaid, to make them feel special and important also.

ninalovespurple · March 2014

katiert8432 said:

I feel as though it is your wedding, and as long as the girls are ok with being "flower girls" then it's fine. I saw on pinterest..maybe..where a couple had girls that walked down the aisle with candles in dedication of loved ones who had passed and they called them something else besides bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, I just don't remember what it was..so maybe you could have them be a part of the ceremony without having them throw flowers. Maybe they could jointly carry one of those cute "ring bearer" signs that say 'Here comes you bride..', 'too late to run', etc. I would also make up a title don't call them flower girls because there is a perception of a little girl which might be a turn off for an 18 year old. I would ask them similar to the way you asked the bridesmaid, to make them feel special and important also.

Yeah I think that making up a title is a good idea. Bridesmaid just doesn't sound right since they aren't being asked to do any bridesmaid duties (i.e. not helping with DIY stuff) and they won't be standing with the rest of the bridal party.

Jen4948 · March 2014

ninalovespurple said:

show previous quotes

katiert8432 said:

I feel as though it is your wedding, and as long as the girls are ok with being "flower girls" then it's fine. I saw on pinterest..maybe..where a couple had girls that walked down the aisle with candles in dedication of loved ones who had passed and they called them something else besides bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, I just don't remember what it was..so maybe you could have them be a part of the ceremony without having them throw flowers. Maybe they could jointly carry one of those cute "ring bearer" signs that say 'Here comes you bride..', 'too late to run', etc. I would also make up a title don't call them flower girls because there is a perception of a little girl which might be a turn off for an 18 year old. I would ask them similar to the way you asked the bridesmaid, to make them feel special and important also.

Yeah I think that making up a title is a good idea. Bridesmaid just doesn't sound right since they aren't being asked to do any bridesmaid duties (i.e. not helping with DIY stuff) and they won't be standing with the rest of the bridal party.

There are no "bridesmaid duties" other than showing up in the designated outfit on time and in good spirits and walking down the aisle and back.

Jen4948 · March 2014

katiert8432 said:

I feel as though it is your wedding, and as long as the girls are ok with being "flower girls" then it's fine. I saw on pinterest..maybe..where a couple had girls that walked down the aisle with candles in dedication of loved ones who had passed and they called them something else besides bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, I just don't remember what it was..so maybe you could have them be a part of the ceremony without having them throw flowers. Maybe they could jointly carry one of those cute "ring bearer" signs that say 'Here comes you bride..', 'too late to run', etc. I would also make up a title don't call them flower girls because there is a perception of a little girl which might be a turn off for an 18 year old. I would ask them similar to the way you asked the bridesmaid, to make them feel special and important also.

If these women aren't going to be bridesmaids or readers, then just accept that you can't "include" everyone in your wedding party, because those are the only options available to adults. I personally would hate a "role" with a made up title, being asked in a "cute" way to do anything in someone's wedding (just ask without making a production of it), or doing or carrying anything other than walking down the aisle and back and/or doing a reading. It would make me feel "used" and "included." Being a guest is an honor and a dignified capacity. Let it go at that.

Also, guests don't need "here comes the bride" signs. That's what the music is supposed to announce? And "too late to run" is an inappropriate message at a wedding ceremony. I don't find that "cute" at all. I wouldn't even ask a flower girl or ring bearer to carry a sign.

AddieCake · March 2014

Ugh. Again with the bridesmaid duties.

Viczaesar · March 2014

ninalovespurple said:

show previous quotes

katiert8432 said:

I feel as though it is your wedding, and as long as the girls are ok with being "flower girls" then it's fine. I saw on pinterest..maybe..where a couple had girls that walked down the aisle with candles in dedication of loved ones who had passed and they called them something else besides bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, I just don't remember what it was..so maybe you could have them be a part of the ceremony without having them throw flowers. Maybe they could jointly carry one of those cute "ring bearer" signs that say 'Here comes you bride..', 'too late to run', etc. I would also make up a title don't call them flower girls because there is a perception of a little girl which might be a turn off for an 18 year old. I would ask them similar to the way you asked the bridesmaid, to make them feel special and important also.

Yeah I think that making up a title is a good idea. Bridesmaid just doesn't sound right since they aren't being asked to do any bridesmaid duties (i.e. not helping with DIY stuff) and they won't be standing with the rest of the bridal party.

Well, there's your problem right there. There are no bridesmaid duties. Bridesmaid is a ceremonial title. It means you are honoring them by asking them to stand next to you when you get married. The only thing bridesmaid-y thing they do is show up at the wedding itself.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

katiert8432 said:

I feel as though it is your wedding, and as long as the girls are ok with being "flower girls" then it's fine. I saw on pinterest..maybe..where a couple had girls that walked down the aisle with candles in dedication of loved ones who had passed and they called them something else besides bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, I just don't remember what it was..so maybe you could have them be a part of the ceremony without having them throw flowers. Maybe they could jointly carry one of those cute "ring bearer" signs that say 'Here comes you bride..', 'too late to run', etc. I would also make up a title don't call them flower girls because there is a perception of a little girl which might be a turn off for an 18 year old. I would ask them similar to the way you asked the bridesmaid, to make them feel special and important also.

First bold: This is morbid. If I saw that at a wedding I'd wonder if I was at a wedding or a damn funeral. Seriously, that's one of the worst Pinterest ideas ever.

Second bold: If you have someone carrying a sign that says 'too late to run,' I am going to judge the ever-loving fuck out of you and assume you cajoled, wheedled, threatened or otherwise coerced your FI into marrying you and that he doesn't actually want to marry you. Ring bearer signs are another terrible Pinterest idea.

ninalovespurple said:

show previous quotes

katiert8432 said:

I feel as though it is your wedding, and as long as the girls are ok with being "flower girls" then it's fine. I saw on pinterest..maybe..where a couple had girls that walked down the aisle with candles in dedication of loved ones who had passed and they called them something else besides bridesmaids or junior bridesmaids, I just don't remember what it was..so maybe you could have them be a part of the ceremony without having them throw flowers. Maybe they could jointly carry one of those cute "ring bearer" signs that say 'Here comes you bride..', 'too late to run', etc. I would also make up a title don't call them flower girls because there is a perception of a little girl which might be a turn off for an 18 year old. I would ask them similar to the way you asked the bridesmaid, to make them feel special and important also.

Yeah I think that making up a title is a good idea. Bridesmaid just doesn't sound right since they aren't being asked to do any bridesmaid duties (i.e. not helping with DIY stuff) and they won't be standing with the rest of the bridal party.

There are no -- NONE, ZIP, ZILCH, NADA, NOT ONE, NOT A FUCKING ONE -- BM duties beyond buying the right dress (that is in their price range because you asked each girl privately) and showing up on time. NONE.

The person helping you DIY stuff? Your FI. The person helping you with decorating and themes and whatever else? Your FI. The person doing the tastings and venue visits and whatnot? YOUR FI.

You BMs are your friends, not your brideslaves or personal attendants or gophers. They're your nearest and dearest, whom you asked to stand up with you because you love them.

Also, assuming these girls were the right age to be FGs (and they're not), FGs do, traditionally, stand with the WP.

Basically, it sounds like you want to use these girls as props for some cutesy idea you saw on Pinterest, but you don't want to actually treat them like people who mean something to you, and that's not OK.

ei34 · March 2014

Ditto PPs (aside from Katie- those signs are soo dumb). Your cousins are adults, so if you'd like to honor them beyond being guests, two great options are BM or reader. Flower girl is a role for a school-aged girl. Even if you ask your cousins to be BM's (which doesn't need a cute poem), helping out with DIY stuff isn't required of them. Good luck and happy planning!

OliveOilsMom · March 2014

@Ninalovespurple why did you decide to take the advice of the one person who agreed with you? The first two answers alone told you no, in addition to all the people who "loved" them as well. So why are you taking the worst advice in the thread? Oh yeah, cause it validated your bad idea.

rikysegal · March 2014

My grandma is my flower girl. She even insisted on having a basket

Blue_Bird · March 2014

Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see what the big difference is here (apart from calling them "Flower Girls" as they clearly aren't girls). Bridesmaids and flower girls do essentially the same thing at a wedding: carry flowers down the aisle. Whether those flowers are in a bouquet or a basket seems a little ridiculous to get up in arms over. They can still be your bridesmaids. If they want to carry a basket of flowers down the aisle and toss them, let them do it.

ETA: punctuation

P.S.- Why can't they stand with the bridal party?

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