No plus one for a friend?

Jessir3 · March 2014

I have a friend who is lovely, on the other hand her boyfriend is ...criminal-minded. His background involves forgery and other sorts of theft. I want to invite her, but I do NOT want him there. How do I tell her her plus one is not invited?

doeydo · March 2014

As a couple, they are a social unit and as such they should both be invited by name as plus ones are only given to truly single guests. It would be OK to not invite him only if he has assaulted you, posed a serious threat to you or your guests, or something else like that. If you are really concerned about him possibly stealing at the wedding, you could hire security. Also, you say he has a criminal background, lots of people do illegal things then turn their life around. I hope you are not judging him based on something he has done years ago.

JellyBean52513 · March 2014

If you must tell her, tell her honestly: "Friend, I'm sorry but because of your boyfriend's background and history, I'm not comfortable having him at my wedding. I hope you understand and will still attend."

Do I think this the right thing to do? Hell no. But if you INSIST, then be straight-up and honest with her because you're an adult who should own your decisions, especially when it affects your dear friends. Two things all parties need to be aware of in situations like this:

- If she is intent on dating a criminal or otherwise unsavory character, then she should be aware that her actions have consequences, and that sometimes those consequences are that her SO will not be welcome places.

- If you are intent on keeping the SO of someone you love out of your wedding, then you better be honest with them about it. Understand that your actions have consequences, and that one consequence may be that she feels unwelcome by extension, which can tension for you two and possibly cause her to want to end your friendship.

Act wisely!

AllOnOneDay · March 2014

Following etiquette - no real way.

Granted, for certain people, the no ring, no bring rule is tempting. But, that's poor etiquette.

Add in, what is the friendship worth? Telling her you can't stand her SO to the point of rudeness could very easily kill the friendship.

So, three options.

1 - Invite her only. May cause problems.

2 - Suck it up, have someone watch him, and invite both.

3 - Don't invite either. Give whatever reason you like.

happywiggle · March 2014

Jessir3 said:

I have a friend who is lovely, on the other hand her boyfriend is ...criminal-minded. His background involves forgery and other sorts of theft. I want to invite her, but I do NOT want him there. How do I tell her her plus one is not invited?

QFP.

Otherwise, I think PP's covered it.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Jessir3 said:
I have a friend who is lovely, on the other hand her boyfriend is ...criminal-minded. His background involves forgery and other sorts of theft. I want to invite her, but I do NOT want him there. How do I tell her her plus one is not invited?

In general, all social units must be invited together.

However, the exception is those who have criminal histories. (Ex., if you invited Dottie Sandusky to your wedding, you wouldn't have to invite Jerry Sandusky, even if he weren't in jail and could come.)

Actions have consequences. If your action is to be a forger and a thief, then the conequence is that you don't get incited to places where you might be tempted to revert to your criminal ways.

However, not inviting him might damage your friendship with her, so you need to consider that. Is it worth inciting her and snubbing him and risking your friendship?

Also, since he is her BOYFRIEND, he is not a plus-one. A olus-one is given only to truly single guests.

larrygaga · March 2014

Be real and assess this guy. If your lovely friend is dating him, than maybe he has changed. Do you think he will cause problems at your wedding? Not worse case scenario, but real scenario.

TwinkleStaar · March 2014

You shouldn't have to have a criminal at your wedding. I would not invite him. You should also talk to your friend about having a guy like that in her life. He sounds like bad news!!!

´¯)

`*.¸.*´

¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)

(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star

…(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

phira · March 2014

PPs have covered it. If you're going to invite only her, you need to talk to her about it first and be understanding if she decides not to come.

Jessir3 · March 2014

Thank you all!

crunchymamaof2 · March 2014

TwinkleStaar said:

You shouldn't have to have a criminal at your wedding. I would not invite him. You should also talk to your friend about having a guy like that in her life. He sounds like bad news!!!

´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
…(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

You're awfully quick to judge someone you know hardly anything about. I am extremely lucky not to have a criminal record, but due to some terrible choices it was a real possibility. But now, 7 years later, I am a completely different person and a SAHM to our two boys. My past is not a huge secret though, so should I not be included on wedding invites my husband may receive? I better not be! Find out the whole story before judging and/or excluding someone.

rajahmd · March 2014

acove2006 said:

TwinkleStaar said:

You shouldn't have to have a criminal at your wedding. I would not invite him. You should also talk to your friend about having a guy like that in her life. He sounds like bad news!!!

´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
…(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

You're awfully quick to judge someone you know hardly anything about. I am extremely lucky not to have a criminal record, but due to some terrible choices it was a real possibility. But now, 7 years later, I am a completely different person and a SAHM to our two boys. My past is not a huge secret though, so should I not be included on wedding invites my husband may receive? I better not be! Find out the whole story before judging and/or excluding someone.

I seriously ♡ you right now.

People make mistakes, and sometimes they get caught doing them. Unless they are still actively making those same mistakes today, it's awfully shortsighted to forever label them as criminals, thiefs, etc. The stigma attached to having a criminal record, no matter how old, can make it hard for people to change for the better. If no one ever gives them a chance, how will they ever be able to show that they can do better?

*steps off soapbox*

No plus one for a friend?

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