Groom does not want a mother and son dance

ladybug0422 · March 2014

Hello ,

I am currently in a dilemma my groom does not want to dance w his mother at the wedding.his parents are divorced. His
Mother and him have never really had the typical mother and son relationship , she is distant and not so nice to put it lightly. On top of that her and I have never had a relationship because she is just plain mean I have tried to be the better person but she is not having it for reasons I still don't know. Although her n I don't get along I feel she is still his mother and he should do it. What should I do?

OliveOilsMom · March 2014

ladybug0422 said:

Hello , I am currently in a dilemma my groom does not want to dance w his mother at the wedding.his parents are divorced. His Mother and him have never really had the typical mother and son relationship , she is distant and not so nice to put it lightly. On top of that her and I have never had a relationship because she is just plain mean I have tried to be the better person but she is not having it for reasons I still don't know. Although her n I don't get along I feel she is still his mother and he should do it. What should I do?

There is nothing you have to do. Just don't have the mother/son dance. You can still have your father/daughter dance, if you want.

mbross3 · March 2014

There is only one thing you can do: support his decision. If he does not want to dance with his mother- you can't make him do it. The relationship between him and his mother is his to navigate and he is the only one that can make those decisions. It may have been difficult for him to make this decision, show him you support him.

If you're worried about this impacting your father/daughter dance- don't be. You can still do a father/daughter dance.

You can even suggest that your FI dance with a woman who he does have a strong relationship with. Does he have a sister, grandmother, aunt that he is particularly close to? He doesn't have to do any sort of dance, but if he would like to do one, just not with his mother, maybe there is someone else he would like to share it with.

Blue_Bird · March 2014

Do nothing. There is no "should" in this situation. A mother/son dance is not obligatory, and does not prevent you from having one with your father if he doesn't want one with his mother.

ScoutF · March 2014

You don't make your FI dance with his mom. It's his mother, and if he doesn't want to do it, you shouldn't try to talk him into it.

ktjanesmom · March 2014

Please do not try to force him to dance with his mom. Imagine how uncomfortable he would be. I am annoyed that you think its so important that you would put tradition ahead of his wishes.

AddieCake · March 2014

This is not a dilemma. A dilemma is a situation where you have to choose between equally unfavorable alternatives.

Your groom doesn't want to dance with his mom, so he shouldn't be forced to.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

You should support his decision. This is a non-issue. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. No parents are entitled to parent-child dances.

This is his decision and you need to support him in this. It concerns me that you'd force him to do something he doesn't want to do because you think he 'should.'

MobKaz · March 2014

My son and I have a very good relationship but we did not have a mother-son dance at his wedding. This came as no surprise to me as he is not a dancer whatsoever, nor does he feel comfortable having all eyes on him. I made it clear to him that I did not want him to do something he was uncomfortable doing "for my sake". His bride felt the same way about the father-daughter dance. However, this would come as a surprise to her father, so I did suggest that she perhaps give her dad a "heads-up", as I know he would feel hurt and perhaps embarrassed.

I am going to disagree with the suggestion given by @mbross3. It is one thing to forgo a mother-son dance. However, to then have a dance with a different woman, relationship notwithstanding, could be hurtful and embarrassing to his mother. It almost smacks of a deliberate slight.

wrigleyville · March 2014

Growing up, I never attended a wedding with a mother/groom dance. The bride and her father would dance first, and then her father would kiss her and hand her off to the groom. Then the bride and groom would do their first dance, and the DJ would open up the dance floor immediately thereafter.

The first time I saw a mother/groom dance was probably... 2002? Even then, it was later in the evening, and the groom had dedicated a song to his mother.

Nowadays, I still only see them at a few weddings, so, really, it's okay to skip it. We skipped it, and nobody asked about it. (H did dance with his mother later in the evening, but it wasn't a spotlight dance.)

You shouldn't be trying to talk him into this. If he doesn't want to, then you need to respect that.

phira · March 2014

If he doesn't want to do a mother-son dance, then I recommend that he not do one.

mysticl · March 2014

I've never seen a spotlighted mother/son dance. In my experience either there is a spotlight father/daughter dance and nothing for the groom and his mother or the bride and her father dance at the same time as the groom and his mother.

phira · March 2014

I've seen both a mother-son dance alone and the couple doing parent dances at the same time (which is preferable to me as a guest because it means only TWO spotlight dances instead of three). However, we're doing only a mother-son dance at our wedding.

ladybug0422 · March 2014

Thank you all for you honest opinions. I will not force him I just wasn't sure if it's okay to skip that part.

phira · March 2014

ladybug0422 said:

Thank you all for you honest opinions. I will not force him I just wasn't sure if it's okay to skip that part.

It's okay to skip whatever traditions you aren't interested in. We're skipping both tosses (bouquet and garter), as well as the father-daughter dance and the cake cutting.

zitiqueen · March 2014

ladybug0422 said:

Thank you all for you honest opinions. I will not force him I just wasn't sure if it's okay to skip that part.

Of course it's okay. It's okay to "skip" all of the parts. You'll still be legally married, I promise.

mbross3 · March 2014

@mobkaz I was just presenting another option based on what I have witnessed at weddings in the past. We don't know the details of the relationship between OP's FI and his mother and whether or not anyone would expect them to dance, let alone be offended if her FI danced with some other woman. I didn't see it as a slap across the face for his mother, nor was it intended that way. It's simply something to consider if he really wants to do some sort of dance, just not with his mother. If he doesn't- no big deal he doesn't have to do any!

emmyg65 · March 2014

You can skip anything except the vows (and a declaration of intent in some states) and signing the wedding license. Everything else is optional.

We didn't do any parent dances. We have wonderful relationships with our parents, but we just didn't like that tradition.

SP29 · March 2014

You can skip any traditions that you want. Tradition and etiquette are not one in the same.

MamaAlly89 · March 2014

I am in a similar situation to your FI. My parents are divorced and I have never really gotten along with my dad. I invited him to my wedding, but he will only be guest. I would be so pissed if someone told me I had to do a father/daughter dance with him! Talk to your DJ and he can make sure to keep the flow going so people wont even notice that you skipped the mother/son dance.

CMGragain · March 2014

Daughter had a very traditional wedding, and her groom didn't do the dance with his Mom. Mom didn't want to do it in front of everybody. No biggie.

Jen4948 · March 2014

It's not up to you. The only thing you can do is support his decision not to do it and just go on. If someone brings it up, you tell them, "It was up to FI and his mother, and they decided not to."

Coalette2013 · April 2014

As other PPs have said, I wouldn't worry over this, it isn't a big deal. We got married this past weekend and DH and MIL didn't do a dance simply because they didn't want to. No one said anything about it. The DJ announced the dance floor open as soon as my Dad and I finished our dance.

Just make sure your photographer and videographer (if you have one) are aware that one won't be done just so they are in the loop.

Groom does not want a mother and son dance

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