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I have no one else to talk to

2ndChanceBridetobe2ndChanceBridetobe member
25 Love Its
in Second Weddings

I need advice. I've been reading the boards on the Knot for a while and overall it seems like a great community, I hope that it's okay that I post this here.

I've been with my FI for 2.5 years. I'm still just as much in love with him as I ever was, I'm not sure if he feels the same anymore. We are supposed to get married on 2/14 and he told me last week "I wake up every day trying to think of a reason to not marry you". I chalked it up to him being nervous, this being his second marriage and all. Things have just been "off" since then. We use to say I love you all the time. The last time he said it to me was Monday morning in a text message. I keep saying I love you and all he says in response is "thank you". We use to cuddle to sleep, now I can barely get him to touch me. Last night he "let" me cuddle up to him from behind, he wouldn't even face me. He's been turning me down for sex, even though he has told me before that he's worried that the sex will stop after we get married. He won't talk to me. He told me last week that we need to talk, but every time I ask him to, he says that it isn't a good time, that we'll talk later.

I'm trying to not get upset, but I'm freaking out over here. This morning he was asking me about what has been paid for and if any deposits are refundable. I'm pretty sure he's going to end things, or if nothing else, call off the wedding. Don't sugar coat this. I need to pack my bags don't I? Obviously you don't know him or I, but does anyone think that he's just getting cold feet or is my reality now that this wedding is never going to happen?

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Re: I have no one else to talk to

  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Breathe - first - no seriously take a deep breath and exhale and do it again.  Once you have stopped the whirlwind of emotions and fear; step back, and center yourself.  Calmly ask him to meet you for lunch at a restaurant.  Take the lead and ask him what is troubling him.  DO NOT mention the wedding or you or the relationship.  Tell him that it's safe to tell you anything and everything.  When he tells you what is troubling him, listen and then ask him what he would like to do about it.  DO NOT jump to conclusions.  Part of any great partnership is listening and making the other person feel heard and safe. 

    If it is the wedding, ask him what about it bothers him.  This in no way means he doesn't love you, but he may not be comfortable having another big blow out, or having so many guests.  Yes this should have been talked about in the beginning, but he probably got caught up in your excitement.  Or he could be worried that the marriage won't work, you can remind him that your living arrangement has been working and that you both need to remember to communicate when things start to slip or when one is worried or scared or troubled.  This is a partnership and that he isn't alone.

    It's better to get this out in the open now than to start the next phase of your relationship with doubts and fears. 
     
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  • lauranchadlauranchad member
    First Comment
    Girl, your not going to like this, but it sounds like you guys need to have a long honest talk.  Maybe he is getting cold feed? Is the wedding buzz getting to him?  Talk to him!  Flat out ask him if he still things marriage is a good thing.  Good luck!
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