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Rehearsal Dinner Question

J&B0602J&B0602 member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My brother is getting married next month. I am not in the bridal party but his fiance did ask me to assist her nieces (they are younger) with the guest book. She asked me earlier this week if I wanted to (along with my BF) come to the rehearsal dinner. 

Does it matter either way if I go or not? What is the proper thing to do? 

Thanks in advance! 
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner Question

  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Ack I'd turn down the BS guest book job and skip the RD.

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  • J&B0602J&B0602 member
    10 Comments
    Thanks Maggie0829- I was thinking along those lines! I haven't even met the nieces that are doing the guest book yet (they didn't come to the shower because her brother/their dad claimed they thought it was a different weekend). They won't be at the dinner either because they won't get out of school & up to the area until after its over. Guess I'll meet them the day of... 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    J&B0602 said:
    My brother is getting married next month. I am not in the bridal party but his fiance did ask me to assist her nieces (they are younger) with the guest book. She asked me earlier this week if I wanted to (along with my BF) come to the rehearsal dinner. 

    Does it matter either way if I go or not? What is the proper thing to do? 

    Thanks in advance! 
    Oh God, decline to be on guest book duty!!!

    Go to the RD with your BF if you want to, though.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Since it was my brothere, I'd probably opt to go to RD. I think close relatives tend to go to that, regardless of their role in the wedding. I think.?!?

    sucky guest book job, though
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    J&B0602 said:
    Thanks Maggie0829- I was thinking along those lines! I haven't even met the nieces that are doing the guest book yet (they didn't come to the shower because her brother/their dad claimed they thought it was a different weekend). They won't be at the dinner either because they won't get out of school & up to the area until after its over. Guess I'll meet them the day of... 
    Honestly, the day of the wedding I just wouldn't stand by the guest book and just enjoy cocktail hour with everyone else.  It is not necessary.  Adults know how to sign a guest book without you or her nieces help.
    Me too!

    Adults know how to sign a guest book if they want to.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • mollyringwald15mollyringwald15 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary

    I'm in the decline camp.

    Also - how old are these "younger" nieces? This sounds like she gave the nieces the shit job so they could feel speschal, and maybe needs you to supervise those who are supervising the guest book?

    But yeah, go eat the free food and have fun with your family.

    Thread jack question: What exactly does one do when tasked with the guest book job? Every wedding I have been to the book has just been sitting on a table with candles and flowers. I would feel so awkward standing behind it and making awkward conversation with guests as they write a note and sign.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    indianaalum said:
    Since it was my brothere, I'd probably opt to go to RD. I think close relatives tend to go to that, regardless of their role in the wedding. I think.?!?

    sucky guest book job, though
    Yeah you are right.  H's sister and her husband came to our RD but she nor her husband was in the wedding.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    "Supervising the guest book" is a crap job. What possible "assistance" could your nieces need with it?

    But I'd go to the RD if only because it's your brother's and the food is free.
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  • J&B0602J&B0602 member
    10 Comments
    She said the one was 8 & I forget how old she said the other one was. They are also handing out the programs. The way she worded it when she asked me it sounded like she wanted me to supervise the nieces supervising the guestbook. 

    I didn't know close relatives went to the RD- guess I learned something new & I should go! 


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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    J&B0602 said:
    She said the one was 8 & I forget how old she said the other one was. They are also handing out the programs. The way she worded it when she asked me it sounded like she wanted me to supervise the nieces supervising the guestbook. 

    I didn't know close relatives went to the RD- guess I learned something new & I should go! 


    So, she asked you to babysit. Even better.
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I would definitely attend the RD because it's your brother, and I'd politely decline the guestbook role. Yeah, it's a bullshit job. but it's also passive aggressive to say you'll do it and then just skip it. This girl may be misguided, but she's going to be your sister-in-law.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    She said the one was 8 & I forget how old she said the other one was. They are also handing out the programs. The way she worded it when she asked me it sounded like she wanted me to supervise the nieces supervising the guestbook. 

    I didn't know close relatives went to the RD- guess I learned something new & I should go! 


    Yeah I would definitely be skipping out on that guest book job.

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  • SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I don't think that you being invited to RD has anything necessarily to do with being asked to do a 'job'.  While the only people that are required to be invite to an RD are those expected to be at the Rehearsal and their SOs, it is common to extend invites beyond that requirement and immediate family members of the Bride and Groom seems very normal.  I'd go, if you want to.

    As for the "job" that you've been given.  I understand wanting to help out, and it sounds like you've already agreed to it. If that is the case, I'd talk with the Bride and clarify what she meant, and be clear that you have no intention of babysitting. If you live close to the Bride and groom, maybe offer to take the guest book with you when you leave and make sure it gets back to them.  That is something that can get lost.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't think everyone invites immediate family to the rehearsal dinner if they are not in the wedding.  I know my parents were not invited to the rehearsal dinner for my mom's brother (20 years ago). 

    If it were me, I would definitely invite siblings and their SO to the rehearsal, but we also have our siblings either in the bridal party, or as ushers or readers.

    Decline the guest book duty. Maybe she is trying to make you feel involved, but I never understand why someone needs to help other adults write their own name. It's not that difficult.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    AddieL73 said:
    So there are THREE people manning the guest book at this shindig?  That must be one complicated guest book. 
    That is what I was thinking.

    I would go, but then again siblings, regardless if they participate in the WP or not,  have always been invited to the RD in my family.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    Why can't/aren't the parents of the nieces babysit their own children while they perform this "honored" role?

    I also find it odd that immediate family members are not automatically included in the RD.  I would attend the RD.  I would be honest about the glorified babysitting position.  I would tell your brother that the guest book is a self sufficient, self explanatory object.  Explain that you see no need to hover over something that requires no adult or child assistance, and that you wish to spend that time mingling with family and friends, as is proper and expected as a guest at the wedding.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    scribe95 said:
    Why would immediate family members automatically be included in RD? Only wedding party, spouses, parents are required at RD.

    Even though only wedding party, spouses, and parents are required to be included at the rehearsal dinner, I also see the dinner as a family function/dinner.  If not all siblings are included in the wedding party, I would not exclude them from an invitation.  That does not seem appropriate.  

    My daughter had two younger cousins act as flower girl and ring bearer.  They have a much older brother who was not in the wedding party.  We still extended an invitation to him.  It would seem very odd to exclude him from the dinner.
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  • VerizonGirlVerizonGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    I just want to say that I don't think GUEST BOOK is a bullshit stupid job that you only get if the bride has assigned the task to children who need a babysitter or if the bride absolutely hates you.

    I have actually done this job, and I liked meeting the people and greeting them.  I considered myself to be the front line of this event, the person who welcomes people and makes sure they know where to stop and do this, and then where to go to the actual ceremony.  I was asked all sorts of questions about the wedding venue, the wedding ceremony, the reception location, etc.  I thought it was nice to have a real person in the lobby (narthex) of the church, helping people to find their way through this event that was at an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar religion to their own, etc.

    Now at my own wedding, we didn't have a guest book at all.  But I did ask a friend of mine to stand just inside the door at the reception venue, welcoming people and answering questions and helping them find their seats.  This was not a friend of mine that I hate.  This was a friend who is very much an extrovert, who could meet new people and show them to their seats, etc.  And people said that they appreciated having an "ASK ME" person to help them, because they are tired of going to receptions where they pick up a table card that says "Chicago" or "Cats" and they have no idea which way to go, etc.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    VerizonGirl said:
    I just want to say that I don't think GUEST BOOK is a bullshit stupid job that you only get if the bride has assigned the task to children who need a babysitter or if the bride absolutely hates you.

    I have actually done this job, and I liked meeting the people and greeting them.  I considered myself to be the front line of this event, the person who welcomes people and makes sure they know where to stop and do this, and then where to go to the actual ceremony.  I was asked all sorts of questions about the wedding venue, the wedding ceremony, the reception location, etc.  I thought it was nice to have a real person in the lobby (narthex) of the church, helping people to find their way through this event that was at an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar religion to their own, etc.

    Now at my own wedding, we didn't have a guest book at all.  But I did ask a friend of mine to stand just inside the door at the reception venue, welcoming people and answering questions and helping them find their seats.  This was not a friend of mine that I hate.  This was a friend who is very much an extrovert, who could meet new people and show them to their seats, etc.  And people said that they appreciated having an "ASK ME" person to help them, because they are tired of going to receptions where they pick up a table card that says "Chicago" or "Cats" and they have no idea which way to go, etc.
    Clearly a nerve was hit with this question.  You are taking this much too personally.  

    I have attended many weddings over the years.  They were in different states, different churches and synagogues, different hotels, indoors, outdoors.....you get the picture.  I have never encountered an "Ask Me" person, nor have I ever attended a wedding and wished, "Gosh, where is an "Ask Me" person when you need one?"  As an adult, a wedding is not so complicated that I cannot figure out where to go, sit, or sign.  I'm glad you appreciated your experience.  I have to agree with other posters, however, and say that many of those "roles" are made up nonsense in an attempt to make other people feel important, or to lessen the guilt of a bride who cannot include everyone in her wedding party.

    Apparently, there is specific attire for such positions.  That frightens me a little.
    image
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    i find it odd that she said you can come to the rd dinner after asking you to help with the guest book. as family siblings automatically get invited to the rd so you and your bf should have been invited in the first place regardless.

    i would turn down the guest book help no one needs to stand over it they leave it out and people sign it. maybe shes afraid people wont sign it and thats why she wants someone to man it.

    i would enjoy cocktail hour there is no need to man the guest book the venue places it on a table and its there for people to sign
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