Wedding Woes

This letter makes me thank my lucky stars

Dear Prudence,
My fiancé has two sons, one in elementary school and one a freshman in high school, with his ex-wife. He and I met after the divorce and he has joint custody of their children. I am very happy to say that his two boys and I get along very well. But we are having serious problems with his ex-wife. Since he and I started dating, she has been on the warpath. She has called child protective services on us, stating that we do not feed the boys, that there is animal filth in our home, and that I inappropriately discipline the kids. CPS visited our place and interviewed the boys and found nothing to support these claims. She has stalked us through a grocery store and falsely accused my fiancé of buying pet food instead of paying child support. Now she has told the younger to take photos of our house and send them to her so she can “investigate.” We don’t want to demonize this woman to her children but we also don’t want them to be used as weapons against us. How can we talk to them about their mother without depicting her in a horrible light? Or are we trying to shelter them from something they have a right to know about?

—Hurting

Re: This letter makes me thank my lucky stars

  • Man... I feel so sorry for these children...

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    themuffinman16melbelleup
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I am the asshole who would ditch a guy who not only dated, but married and had kids with a woman this unhinged, I don't care how nice he is.
    This or get a restraining order. I got my own baggage I need someone who doesn't have much to balance me. LOL
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • Dear Prudence,
    My fiancé has two sons, one in elementary school and one a freshman in high school, with his ex-wife.

    I got so confused with this, lol.  Serious blonde moment.  My fiance has two sons with his ex-wife, one in elementary school and one a freshman in high school.

    I kept thinking a freshman in high school has an EX WIFE??

    *sigh* long day.
  • As a child, I was put in similar situations.  Always say nothing to the children about their mother. The child will grow up and realize what has been going on.  They will be thankful for the stability you provided, and thankful for the drama-free environment you have created for them.  To this day, even though my father and step-mother divorced, I am much closer to her than my father. And at times, it is just easier to be around her than my mother, although I love my mom (she just has a lot of drama that surrounds her - self-created and created by the people she keeps in her company).
      The only thing they will accomplish by talking to the children, will be to make them feel guilty for, still, loving their mother. They will feel embarrassed and terrible about the situation that they have no control over. Best to just let time pass, when they get older, all of their mom's behavior will be crystal clear, without the blinders of childhood innocence and naivety. They will learn what not to do by the example the step-mother and father set.
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