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FSIL

thefuturemrsardthefuturemrsard member
10 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Party
My fiancé has 5 sisters, ranging from 25 to 5. Tonight, his 12 year old sister told me that she wants to be a bridesmaid. I would feel bad having one, but not all five of them. I want a small wedding party. Also, his mom would have to pay for 3 dresses if I had all of the girls in the wedding. They don't have the money to buy three dresses. How should I handle this? I don't want to cause drama while I have all of the other details of the wedding to work out.
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Re: FSIL

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    thefuturemrsard said:
    My fiancé has 5 sisters, ranging from 25 to 5. Tonight, his 12 year old sister told me that she wants to be a bridesmaid. I would feel bad having one, but not all five of them. I want a small wedding party. Also, his mom would have to pay for 3 dresses if I had all of the girls in the wedding. They don't have the money to buy three dresses. How should I handle this? I don't want to cause drama while I have all of the other details of the wedding to work out.
    First of all, it's very rude for anyone to ask to be a BM, even a 12-year-old.

    I think you should let your FI handle it. Tell him what she asked, and ask what his thoughts are on it. He could decide he wants to have them stand up on his side, which is fine.

    I'm not sure why your FMIL would have to buy three dresses, unless three of the sisters are living at home/under age. (You could also find cheap BM dresses, or just give them a colour palette and let them choose anything in that palette that they want.)

    Regardless, etiquette says your WP should be YOUR nearest and dearest. If he wants them to stand up, they can stand on his side. The reality, of course, is that sometimes families' emotions don't follow the rules of etiquette.

    Find out what he thinks/wants, and go from there. 
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • thefuturemrsardthefuturemrsard member
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    Three of the sisters are 12, 9 and 5. He doesn't really want them to be in the wedding either, as far as I know. I already have the perfect BM dress in mind. It wouldn't look right on anyone that young and I don't want JBMs. I have asked my best friend of 12 years to be my MOH. Other than that, I don't have a wedding party as of right now. And going from 1 to 6 is a bit insane. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Then just tell her, honestly, that you've decided to only to have one person in your WP. Part of life is learning how to deal with disappointments, including those brought on by your own rude actions (such as asking to be a BM).

    I would be nicer about it than saying, 'You were rude for asking, and no.' But I would say, 'I'm sorry, but FI and I have decided to have a very small wedding party. We're not planning on having more than one attendant each.' 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • thefuturemrsardthefuturemrsard member
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    Tonight I told her that we would have to wait and see. She already thinks that I don't like her. Hopefully she will get over it quickly.

    Thank you for your input :)
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    thefuturemrsard said:
    Tonight I told her that we would have to wait and see. She already thinks that I don't like her. Hopefully she will get over it quickly.

    Thank you for your input :)
    She's 12. She's not going to get over it quickly. Why does she think you don't like her? 

    Generally, I do not suggest finding things for people to do to make them feel included, but there's always an exception.

    Could you get corsages for your FI's sisters? That would make them feel 'included' and special, but would keep them out of your WP, which strikes me as a win-win.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    thefuturemrsard said:
    Tonight I told her that we would have to wait and see. She already thinks that I don't like her. Hopefully she will get over it quickly.

    Thank you for your input :)
    This was not a very good idea.  Look just tell the kid that you aren't going to be including her.  She will get over it.  Kids need to be taught that they don't get everything that they want and learn how to deal with the disappointment.  Prolonging the inevitable is just not a good thing.

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  • mellyD2014mellyD2014 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    HisGirlFriday13 's idea. Corsages could be a great idea to make them feel included - I think that would be a wonderful gesture to your soon-to-be family members.
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  • jessirayjessiray member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I like @HisGirlFriday13 's idea as well. My two cousins keep ganging up on FI and I trying to get the younger one to be our flower girl. They're 10ish and 7ish, and my aunt just stands there and lets them do it. We're not having a flower girl or a ring bearer, partially because I wanted to avoid that whole nonsense. If you're having problems bonding with the girls, why not try to have some bonding time with her? Maybe take her shopping a little bit or something?
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