Attire for casual wedding

jules3964 · March 2014

Let me start by saying that I know we are not supposed to dictate attire, and I don't even want to! But people keep asking and I'm not sure what to say. I try to explain that our wedding is outdoors, relaxed, and will have a casual vibe -- and that we want our guests to be comfortable. I think this translates to "casual" or "business casual" attire… but honestly I'm not even sure what this means.

Is it ok to say, "we don't care, wear what you want"? Will this lead people to come wearing jeans? (Honestly I wouldn't care if people did, but my mother probably would.)

The other thing is my dad is asking what he should wear. Should I insist he wear what he wants, even though he is asking for suggestions? We aren't having a wedding party, and FI will wear a suit. Should I suggest my dad wear a suit? (Would it look weird if he didn't and he walks me down the aisle?) I guess I don't want him to feel overdressed/uncomfortable if he was in a suit and everyone else wore a dress shirt and nice pants.

As you can probably tell, I'm a bit fashionably-challenged when it comes to weddings and honestly I usually stress about what to wear when I'm going to one.

Other than thinking tuxedos would be way over the top, and even suits seem a bit too much for a casual wedding, I'm not sure how to define it for people who really seem to want me to.

(edited for spelling.)

MrsMarende · March 2014

If people are asking I think it is OK to say to them dressy casual or casual attire. I think before anything you need to decide what you would prefer. If you say casual be prepared for jeans, sneakers and T-Shirts.

AddieCake · March 2014

I would suggest to your dad that he wear a suit. When guests ask, tell them dressy casual.

jules3964 · March 2014

Thanks! I told my sister "dressy casual" awhile back and she stared at me blankly, then asked if that meant a cocktail dress. I guess people need me to pick out their outfits for them? Haha.

KittyKaty20 · March 2014

I have been asked this question a few times, mostly by relatives. I told them that the wedding is in a Catholic church, and the reception is indoors at a community center. I also remind people it starts at 1 and ends at 7, so it's not formal.

Blue_Bird · March 2014

jules3964 said:

Thanks! I told my sister "dressy casual" awhile back and she stared at me blankly, then asked if that meant a cocktail dress. I guess people need me to pick out their outfits for them? Haha.

That's probably because "dressy casual" doesn't really mean anything. In fact, it's an oxymoron.

jules3964 · March 2014

Blue_Bird said:

jules3964 said:

Thanks! I told my sister "dressy casual" awhile back and she stared at me blankly, then asked if that meant a cocktail dress. I guess people need me to pick out their outfits for them? Haha.

That's probably because "dressy casual" doesn't really mean anything. In fact, it's an oxymoron.

Yeah, so this is exactly why I don't know what to tell people, or how to define it. Especially because I don't even want to define it... is that weird? It just doesn't matter that much to me what my guests wear.

AddieCake · March 2014

How do people not know what dressy casual means? Then say, "A dress or skirt or dress pants and a blouse or dress pants or khakis and a polo or button down for men."

phira · March 2014

Honestly, just use examples (dressy casual, to me, means that jeans are okay, for example).

When people ask us what to wear, we give concrete examples. "Suit and tie, dress slacks and blouse, cocktail dress, khakis and button down shirt."

lc07 · March 2014

I agree with @Phira. Tell people what your groom and other guests will be wearing. For example, when people asked us, I told them our venue did not have a specific dress code and that my husband would be wearing a suit and tie, my mom was wearing a knee length sequined cocktail dress, and the bridesmaids were wearing LBDs.

JaxInBlue · March 2014

Agree with @phira about giving examples. When we got attire questions for our wedding, I'd try to start with whatever makes you comfortable, but if pressed would tell people, bridesmaids dresses are short, my mom is wearing a cocktail dress, FIL is wearing a suit... whatever might have been helpful.

As for your dad, I'd maybe lean toward telling him what you said here - FI is wearing a suit, but you think most guests will wear a dress shirt and pants, so he should do what will be most comfortable for him.

Blue_Bird · March 2014

jules3964 said:

Blue_Bird said:

jules3964 said:

Thanks! I told my sister "dressy casual" awhile back and she stared at me blankly, then asked if that meant a cocktail dress. I guess people need me to pick out their outfits for them? Haha.

That's probably because "dressy casual" doesn't really mean anything. In fact, it's an oxymoron.

Yeah, so this is exactly why I don't know what to tell people, or how to define it. Especially because I don't even want to define it... is that weird? It just doesn't matter that much to me what my guests wear.

No, it's not weird. If your guests ask, just tell them what you and your bridal party will be wearing, and what the venue will be like, but they should wear whatever they feel comfortable with, and leave it at that. If people need hand-holding and can't dress themselves, that isn't your problem.

Blue_Bird · March 2014

AddieL73 said:

How do people not know what dressy casual means? Then say, "A dress or skirt or dress pants and a blouse or dress pants or khakis and a polo or button down for men."

Because it literally doesn't mean anything, just like the plethora of other made up dress codes: "Dress to Impress", "Black Tie Optional", "Casual Chic", "Garden Party", etc. These are not standard dress codes, so unless it's common in your circle, you're not going to know if that means a dress skirt and blouse or jeans and pearls.

s-aries8990 · March 2014

I agree with saying "dressy casual" and following it by some real examples.

tesgirl123 · March 2014

I agree you are going to have to spell it out for some people. Theoretically people should be able to tell by the vibe of your invitation, but invitations are sort of all over the place these days so it can be hard to tell. If you want guests in cotton sundresses, give them examples.

I was invited to a wedding a couple of years ago that specified formal attire. To me, formal meant long dress and now FI in a tux. FI worked with the bride, whom I had never met, and she said short dresses were more than appropriate. We go to the wedding and there are quite a few women in long dresses, but no men in tuxes. Then again there were also men in khakis and polo shirts.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

s-aries8990 said:

I agree with saying "dressy casual" and following it by some real examples.

Just scrap that phrase and skip right to giving examples if you really think you need to.

"Dressy casual" is a nonsense term because it is contradictory. Either your clothing is dressy or it is casual.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

tesgirl123 said:

I agree you are going to have to spell it out for some people. Theoretically people should be able to tell by the vibe of your invitation, but invitations are sort of all over the place these days so it can be hard to tell. If you want guests in cotton sundresses, give them examples.
I was invited to a wedding a couple of years ago that specified formal attire. To me, formal meant long dress and now FI in a tux. FI worked with the bride, whom I had never met, and she said short dresses were more than appropriate. We go to the wedding and there are quite a few women in long dresses, but no men in tuxes. Then again there were also men in khakis and polo shirts.

That was rude on that couple's part. You should never specify guest attire unless it is a truly black tie event or the venue has a dress code, like a country club requiring men to wear jackets.

tesgirl123 · March 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

tesgirl123 said:

I agree you are going to have to spell it out for some people. Theoretically people should be able to tell by the vibe of your invitation, but invitations are sort of all over the place these days so it can be hard to tell. If you want guests in cotton sundresses, give them examples.
I was invited to a wedding a couple of years ago that specified formal attire. To me, formal meant long dress and now FI in a tux. FI worked with the bride, whom I had never met, and she said short dresses were more than appropriate. We go to the wedding and there are quite a few women in long dresses, but no men in tuxes. Then again there were also men in khakis and polo shirts.

That was rude on that couple's part. You should never specify guest attire unless it is a truly black tie event or the venue has a dress code, like a country club requiring men to wear jackets.

I panicked and thought it was a true black tie event, which caused me to make now-FI ask the bride. Apparently she put it on there because she knew some of her guests would show up in jeans if they weren't told otherwise and she didn't want that. Either way she was wrong, but she was very young and she's a very sweet girl.

Strangely enough, years ago, when my BF got married, one of her BM's FI had to be given a jacket by the country club where the reception was held. The BM was angry that she was never informed that the country club required a jacket, and my friend was more confused that a guest wouldn't wear a suit to a wedding(considering her invite was pretty formal, I expected suits on male guests." I don't have that problem with my reception venue, but how would you put that on an invite? On the reception card? Phrasing?

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

tesgirl123 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

tesgirl123 said:

I agree you are going to have to spell it out for some people. Theoretically people should be able to tell by the vibe of your invitation, but invitations are sort of all over the place these days so it can be hard to tell. If you want guests in cotton sundresses, give them examples.
I was invited to a wedding a couple of years ago that specified formal attire. To me, formal meant long dress and now FI in a tux. FI worked with the bride, whom I had never met, and she said short dresses were more than appropriate. We go to the wedding and there are quite a few women in long dresses, but no men in tuxes. Then again there were also men in khakis and polo shirts.

That was rude on that couple's part. You should never specify guest attire unless it is a truly black tie event or the venue has a dress code, like a country club requiring men to wear jackets.

I panicked and thought it was a true black tie event, which caused me to make now-FI ask the bride. Apparently she put it on there because she knew some of her guests would show up in jeans if they weren't told otherwise and she didn't want that. Either way she was wrong, but she was very young and she's a very sweet girl.

Strangely enough, years ago, when my BF got married, one of her BM's FI had to be given a jacket by the country club where the reception was held. The BM was angry that she was never informed that the country club required a jacket, and my friend was more confused that a guest wouldn't wear a suit to a wedding(considering her invite was pretty formal, I expected suits on male guests." I don't have that problem with my reception venue, but how would you put that on an invite? On the reception card? Phrasing?

I have to put a dress code in my invite because I'm getting married at my dad's golf course. I will not put it on the invite, I will have an insert that is the size of a business card that states that our venue has a dress code and what the rules are (no athletic outfits, no denim, men wear collared shirts, shorts must have a six inch inseam, no strapless)

Attire for casual wedding

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