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Not sure how I should handle this

Simky906Simky906 member
250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited April 2014 in Chit Chat
I was talking to my mother tonight and she mentioned that my stepmother posted on Facebook that she got her dress for my wedding. Mom asks what it looks like, so I describe it to her. It's navy blue, hits just below the knee, it's a v neck with some detailing under the bust and it's made out of a very flowy, gauzy material. My mom immediately informs me that she (my mother) will have to buy a new dress then because her dress is also navy blue. Which yes, I knew when stepmom texted me pictures of the dress she was looking at. Aside from the color, they have nothing in common. Mom's dress has a lace overlay with a bateau neckline and a more fitted silhouette that hits just above the knee. I totally didn't think that the dress color mattered when stepmom texted me and now I'm feeling so guilty about this. Mom just retired last year and has had some unexpected expenses come up, so she really doesn't have the money for a new one. And I'm going to offer to pay for it but she always refuses to let me pay for things, so she probably will again. I just don't know how I could have avoided this. Was I supposed to tell stepmom that she couldn't wear navy blue? Is there a tactful way to do this? I just didn't think, and I hate to think that my mom won't wear the dress that she loves because she'll feel uncomfortable wearing the same color as stepmom. What would you do in this situation? (For background, parents have been divorced for 23 years, SM and Dad have been married for 20. SM had nothing to do with the divorce.) Apologies for the lack of paragraphs, I'm on my iPad.

Re: Not sure how I should handle this

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    No, you were not to inform anyone of any colours that they should or should not wear as that is rude to do.  What you should do is tell your mom that it doesn't matter if they are both in navy.  If she has a dress that she has already bought that she likes, then she should wear it.
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  • Simky906Simky906 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    That's what I thought and I really don't care what colors they wear- I just want them to be comfortable and happy. When I told her that she informed me that the mothers/stepmothers of the bride and groom are not supposed to wear the same color. She's normally very calm and even keeled so I'm not sure where this is coming from. And I'm practically her twin we look so much alike so there won't be any confusion as to to whose daughter I am.
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Do your very best to convince your Mom that no one will notice that they are both wearing the same color (and most won't).  The dresses are different, their bodies are different no one will even think twice about it.
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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    As the MOG, my sister in law wore the same color dress as the MOB.  Worlds did not collide.  No one said a word.  There is no reason to say anything.  It is a non issue if the color is the same. Your mom selected a dress she loves and she should wear it.  

    When my daughter married, she "warned" me that her FMIL "copied" the style of my dress, only in a different color.  Several other friends saw a picture of the dress and pulled an entire, "OMG....the FMIL totally copied you"!  It took me AGES to find a dress I would wear because I HATE dresses.  I was not about to go back to square one!  I actually even liked the dress I eventually bought.  I personally didn't see a HUGE resemblance, but I could see the similarity.  Perhaps FMIL thought she was supposed to coordinate?   Don't know; didn't care.  

    I would encourage you to tell mom to rock the dress she bought.
  • You did nothing wrong. You can't bar your stepmother from wearing navy blue, and you shouldn't have (as you did not) tell her not to buy it.

    Tell your mom that her dress is fine and you don't want her to spend money unnecessarily.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • And thanks for your kind words ladies, I'm glad to know that I'm not totally off base here. I'll give it another go trying to convince her to stick with her dress. My mom can be sensitive about things that my stepmom does sometimes so maybe it just rubbed her the wrong way in the moment and I can talk her down.
  • You did what you should.  I agree with doeydo - tell your mom to keep the original dress if she loves it!

    Would it be possible for you to help your mom accessorize the dress in a way that adds color - maybe a (new) necklace that introduces an accent color or, depending on the cut of the dress, a belt or sash with some additional detailing?  Maybe some great shoes in a less neutral color?

    I'd encourage her to keep the dress she likes and find other ways to bring a new color in.  They likely won't be photographed together much and it's not like they have to stand or sit besides each other at every moment.
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    Anniversary


    lc07beharrington
  • @JaclyneD I like your idea about the necklace too! I know that she hasn't picked out jewelry yet so that could be a great thing to do if she feels that she needs to differentiate herself a bit.
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