Invites and Paper

At home cards?

When we get married next year, I will not be changing my name. My family knows about this, as does FI's mother, but as they are divorced I am not sure if she told FI's dad's side. Otherwise, I would usually think this is spread through word-of-mouth.
I have read several suggestions online about what to do to inform guests of this, but I am also etiquette-conscious and want to make sure no one (or as few people as possible, because some inevitably won't agree with not changing my name) side-eyes what we do to address it. I read this link which addresses at home cards and the various iterations of them: http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/11/08/at-home-cards-are-my-new-crusade/#axzz2vbjSAS10

Ideally, I would like to make some sort of name/address announcement with our invitations, though I realize at home cards are typically sent after the wedding with the formal announcements. If I send something with the invitation, how would I word it? Feel free to advise - if there's a better way of saying the following, I would appreciate suggestions.

After xx xxxxxx 2015, the newlywed couple will be known as:
Ms. Jane Smith
Mr. John Doe
123 Main Street
Honolulu, HI 12345

Or:
After xx xxxxxx 2015, the newlywed couple will reside at:
Ms. Jane Smith
Mr. John Doe
123 Main Street
Honolulu, HI 12345

Thanks!

Re: At home cards?

  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    I really don't think something like this should be sent with the invitation. I think you do it through word of mouth. And when you are announced into your reception, instead of mr and mrs, the dj will say your madien name. That's a good way to get it out there all at once for the people attending. 

    image
  • I'd either have the DJ announce it like PP suggested, or put your at home information on your program if you're doing one. We put our names and address on the back/bottom of our program under our thank you note. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I wouldn't include something in the invitation.  That just seems weird.

    At your wedding make sure that your officiant announces you as you would like to be known and also make sure that the DJ announces you correctly.  But just know that many people will just assume that you are changing your name and may address you as such on future correspondence.  When that happens you can kindly remind them that you are not changing your name.

    Just prepare yourself for many corrections to people around you.

    emmyg65
  • Thanks for your thoughts ladies - I do plan on having us announced as such at the reception too, and spreading it via word of mouth. I did read on a couple of websites like Crane and the one I listed above that people have sent them with invitations, but I personally have never seen that, so I wanted to ask to be sure.

    I forgot to add that another reason I thought about doing this is that everyone spells my name wrong. It is a unique spelling of a common name, and even aunts/uncles misspell it to my parents' dismay. Obviously my name will be on the invitation, but I was thinking the card might be something they could keep when referencing our address for the future. However, I do think that even a card won't stop people who have misspelled it for over 25 years, so it's probably pointless.

    @ScoutF I do like the program idea, thank you!
  • Agree with Maggie. Reiterate to the DJ how he/she needs to announce you. I told ours several times I wanted us to be announced as John and Jane Doe, but he did Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. 
  • Do you live together already, or are you moving after the wedding? I think it's appropriate to use a change of address postcard after the wedding to also sneak in your correct name. Otherwise I think it's weird, and kind of condescending to the people who already do know you're not changing it. You'll already be sending Thank You notes after the wedding anyway, so you can just be sure to sign it with both of your full names as a gentle reminder.

    image
    image
  • At-home cards used to be included in the thank-you notes, actually. Of course, they also stem from a time when the couple were both still living with their parents pre-marriage, so the at-home cards served to notify people both of their mailing address and of name changes.

    I would just include them in your thank-yous, and have a small card (business-sized) printed up that says, 

    After [Date]
    Ms. Bride Surname
    Mr. Groom Surname
    Address
    City, State, ZIP

    I don't think people are going to (a) remember what the DJ said or (b) take that as binding evidence of how you plan to be known after the wedding even if they do remember.

    You could also just have very clear, larger-than-normal return address labels made up and put those on your thank-yous.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    ladybird29
  • Lolo8383 said:
    Do you live together already, or are you moving after the wedding? I think it's appropriate to use a change of address postcard after the wedding to also sneak in your correct name. Otherwise I think it's weird, and kind of condescending to the people who already do know you're not changing it. You'll already be sending Thank You notes after the wedding anyway, so you can just be sure to sign it with both of your full names as a gentle reminder.
    That's a good point! I also intend to have our address labels after the wedding state our correct titles (Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe).



  • At-home cards used to be included in the thank-you notes, actually. Of course, they also stem from a time when the couple were both still living with their parents pre-marriage, so the at-home cards served to notify people both of their mailing address and of name changes.

    I would just include them in your thank-yous, and have a small card (business-sized) printed up that says, 

    After [Date]
    Ms. Bride Surname
    Mr. Groom Surname
    Address
    City, State, ZIP

    I don't think people are going to (a) remember what the DJ said or (b) take that as binding evidence of how you plan to be known after the wedding even if they do remember.

    You could also just have very clear, larger-than-normal return address labels made up and put those on your thank-yous.
    I love all of this advice! I am worried about the announcement, to be honest, as others said above. I am not sure if people totally pay attention when the couple is announced - I know that I am always looking at the new happy couple instead of focusing on what the DJ is saying. 



  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I also think that you could have some nice printed stationery with you and your husbands name on it for your thank you notes like this instead of business cards:

    Where you could on the front:
    Bride  Maidenname
    and
    Groom Lastname

    I know a lot of people that do formal stationery for wedding TY notes with the bride's name (whether it be hyphenated, maiden name or husbands name) and groom's name to let ppl know what they would like to be addressed as.

    stef42188
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    Actually, in Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, at home cards (page 321) are sent with invitations or announcements.  Anyway, she doesn't require you to do a separate mailing of at home cards.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Agree with everything PPs have said, except it should be:

    Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Roe
    123 Main Street

    Using and and putting yourself on the same name indicates that you are married.  Separate lines are for unmarried couples.  
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