my mom walking me down the aisle? (FYI father is still alive)

Re: my mom walking me down the aisle? (FYI father is still alive)

• phira member

  

  March 2014

  LTimo23 said:

  My father is alive and kicking and we have a pretty good relationship.

  
  

  Last week my mom came into town and told me that she felt like she should walk me down the aisle instead of my dad because she was in my life more. I starred blankly at her and said "are you serious" and INDEED she was.

  
  

  Now idk what to do. My mom and my dad have both been in and out of my life but both of them are now consistent. They aren't married so it would be weird for both of them to walk me right? maybe I should just have no one walk me... HELP! what should I do? i don't want to offend anyone on my wedding day but I also can't un-invite my parents (lol).

  So, first of all, what do YOU prefer? Would you like your dad to walk you down? Do you want your mom to walk you down? Do you want both of them to walk you down? Wanna walk down alone? Have a brother or sister or friend escort you? Ignore their feelings for a moment and tell us: what's your ideal situation here?

  
  

  As for your mom's behavior, no one is entitled to walk you down the aisle. That's a decision that's wholly yours to make. Someone can decline to walk with you, but they don't get to insist that you do it their way. There's a reason I also had an "Are you serious?" face while reading what your mom said--because UM EXCUSE ME?

  
  

  I get not wanting to offend anyone, but you are not being a rude person when you make the intensely personal decision about how you walk down the aisle. You might not be able to avoid hurting your mom's feelings or upsetting her if you choose to ask your father to walk you down, with or without your mom. But there's hurting someone because you're being rude, and hurting someone because you got to make a choice and you picked something they didn't like. This is the latter, and it's 100% not an etiquette problem.

  
  

  She's an adult; she can live with the disappointment if you choose something different. You're an adult; you can make this decision for yourself.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• Bubblegum5586 member

  

  March 2014

  This is a whatever feels right to you kind of thing. I am personally a fan of both parents walking the bride down the aisle (if both have had a big role in your life). My parents have been divorced 12 years and both walked me down the aisle (and stepdad escorted stepmom down the aisle - talk about not traditional!). They don't need to have the best relationship to be able to each be on a side of you. YOU should be their focus not each other.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  If this were me, my preferences would go in this order:

  A) Both parents

  Dad (because of tradition)

  C) Mom

  
  

  Or, can you have the exact same conversation with each of them: "How do you feel about walking me down the aisle? Would you mind if you shared the role with [other parent]?"

  
  

  Edit: words are hard

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• photokitty mod

  

  March 2014

  I do not think it would be weird at all for both of them to walk you down the aisle. It happens at a lot of weddings.

  
  

  Another option is have one walk you halfway and hand off to the other for the rest of the journey.

  
  

  Personally I would walk with both the entire way or neither.

  
  

  Who do you want to walk you down the aisle? THat's really the most important question?

  
  

  GL!

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• mbross3 member

  

  March 2014

  You need to make this decision for yourself. Who do you want to walk you down the aisle?

  
  

  If you want both of your parents to walk down the aisle with you, then do it. Hopefully they can put tension aside for a day for your wedding. If you want your dad to walk you down the aisle, just gently tell your mom that you've already asked your dad. If you want your mom to walk you, well there you go!

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• emmyg65 member

  

  March 2014

  Only you can make this decision. 

  
  

  FWIW, my FH and I walked down the aisle together and it was perfect. I have excellent relationships with both of my parents, but it was important for us to go into our marriage side by side, together.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  March 2014

  There is no right or wrong answer. It's up to you.
  
  As far as tradition goes, in my religion both parents walk the bride down, despite their marital status. They're walking you down, not each other.
  
  Honestly? I'd be very put off if my mother approached me like that. It was very presumptious of her and it might affect my decision, even if just temporarily.

  
  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  March 2014

  I always feel like the mothers get shafted in the "who walks the bride down the aisle". People can do whatever they want, but I think a lot of brides pick their dad because that's what is traditional.  Look at how many brides ask who should walk them down the aisle, bio dad or step dad. It's like Mom is never an option.

   

  My FI is Jewish, so we are both being escorted down the aisle by both our parents (not a Jewish wedding though).  I would have done this regardless of my FI religion. 

  
  

  I think it's easier for us because both sets of parents are happily married.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• melbelleup member

  

  March 2014

  It all depends on what you want. If I was in your shoes, I'd do both of them walking me down. If one of them say anything negative about the idea, I'd say "well, you don't have to" and end it at that.
  
  I am having my dad though, but I'm also much closer to my dad. We actually talk once a day (if not more) since I moved 8 hrs away 2 yrs ago.
  

  

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• LTimo23 member

  

  April 2014

  I have decided I will do both. If either of them have a problem with it - I will just walk down by myself... I mean it is all about the bride (lol)
  

  
  

  
  

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• larrygaga member

  

  April 2014

  You have a few options depending on how their relationship is and how you feel about it.

  
  

  You could choose between them (probably not the best idea)

  You could have them both walk you down (not weird unless they can't stand each other or something)

  You could walk down alone

  You could walk down with your FI

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• beharrington member

  

  April 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  I always feel like the mothers get shafted in the "who walks the bride down the aisle". People can do whatever they want, but I think a lot of brides pick their dad because that's what is traditional.  Look at how many brides ask who should walk them down the aisle, bio dad or step dad. It's like Mom is never an option.

   

  
  

  I agree.  I asked my Mom to walk with me and Dad but she refused because "tradition" and said my dad's been looking forward to that moment forever.  I'm super close to both and thought it would be great to have them both but went with Mom's preference.  What I did do was have Dad stop a the first pew in front of Mom.  I turned to her and she lifted my blusher, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and told me she loved me.  Then Dad walked me the rest of the way to DH and the priest.

  

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