Church Family and where to draw the line

sheenaloveseddie · March 2014

So we are pretty active in our church and consider our church our family. Our Ceremony and Reception are both being held at our church. The issue I'm running into is if I invite some people wouldn't others be offended? Not really sure how to do this without hurting anyones feelings. Our church is small but not sure we could afford 250 people at the wedding.

ScoutF · March 2014

I would only invite those people you socialize with outside of church.

CMGragain · March 2014

No one has a right to an invitation, unless they are paying for your wedding. Invite whom you want to invite, and don't worry about it.

Inkdancer · March 2014

We are also extremely active in our church, and elected to only invite our pastor and his wife. Everyone else who says anything gets a "sorry, we just couldn't invite everyone we wanted."

However, I would suggest this: are there groups you are closer to? My FI is on our worship band, so in a perfect world we'd invite them as well as the creative team that I work with. If you're in children's ministry and your FI runs production, you can choose to invite those who work closely with you, and everyone should understand that.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

I had this same issue! X2 I grew up going to a smaller church but it still had a couple hundred attendees and members and in my mid twenties i stopped going to that church and attended a larger church to meet new people and now I have friends at both churches. So when compiling my list, I thought about the people I actually see outside of church and put them on the list. My ceremony will take place at my old church and I feel bad I can't invite all the people who watched me grow up physically and spiritually but at the same time, I asked myself do these people know me now??? The person I grew up into? If no, then they were off the invite list, if yes, then do I see them outside of church, have they been supportive of my life choices? Do I still get along with this person, if I answered no to any of those questions then that person wouldn't be invited.

manillabar · March 2014

I am running into the same issue as well! I already have a large (biological) family and my dad is the pastor of our church. it's so difficult because in a perfect world I'd invite them all since they've been such a part of my life for so long, but that'd be at least an extra 200 people that I definitely can't afford

... so basically I feel your pain but I don't know how to help lol I have a few girls from the church who I know I am definitely inviting (aside from family members who also attend the church), and there are some couples from our young adults group on my "want to have list" but I don't know whether or not that'll work out. I think that if you stick to groups/ people you work closely with like @inkdancer suggested, most people will understand. And some may decide to be offended anyway, but you can't control that :-/

ETA: commas lol

Rach1137 · April 2014

We are active in the church that I grew up in and that a large part of my family attends. After family there are some groups that we tend to socialize with more and are sort of in smaller groups anyway. We invited those people that we socialize with outside of church, those that I was close to growing up that are still close friends with my parents and a few that we work with at church on specific projects. In all it ended up being maybe an additional 20 people on our guest list. For us it felt more important to have the people there that we love to support us than to limit it. We also had the space at the venue and the wiggle room in our budget to do so, I know that not everyone has that flexibility.

lkristenj · April 2014

My mom is really concerned with this. It's a small town and a small church, but couples and their children (we have chosen to include children in our wedding guests) can add up to a lot of people very quickly. I really only want a few families from my hometown church (I live across the state now) to go to my wedding. These are the people who make a beeline for me during the visitation time when I visit my parents and attend church with them. They have shown an interest and are truly excited to see me at church and to catch up. One family even took time to visit me when they happened to be in my city for something else.

My mom is very concerned about offending people. She feels like we can't show favorites among church families and that if we invite one, we must invite them all. I know I need to respect her opinion since my parents have generously offered to pay for most of the wedding. I just don't want all those people there. Sure, they may know my family really well, but when I read my guest list I don't even recognize who some of these names belong to. My mom feels like we can invite them all and most won't go since it's a 4 hour drive to my city from my hometown (and another 4 hours back). Plus, being from a small town many of the older generation wouldn't be comfortable going to the big city. But, this puts me way over my ideal guest count. I wanted more like 150, but now I'm facing nearly 300! What's worse is that my venues only seat 270 (chapel) and 224 (reception table seating). I DO NOT want to have people standing or without a place at my wedding. That would be poor hosting and I don't want to do that. It makes me really nervous. My original guest list was well under the max for both places (about 165) and I feel like adding in everyone from church threw a major wrench in my planning. Deposits have been paid for both venues and I'm working with a smallish budget already. We have large families, so they take up most of the other guests being invited.

I've tried talking to my mom about it and while she says we can cut the guest list, I think she's really hesitant to do so. I feel like I'm in a bind. I have to make sure everyone can be seated in order to be a good hostess, and yet since my mom is paying for much of the wedding I also have to listen to her.

I'm glad there are others who understand that a line has to be drawn somewhere. I just feel like I don't have an easy answer. I will likely have to continue talking to my mom about it.

grumbledore · April 2014

Well, the upside is that churches are public so anyone who wants to is welcome to attend the ceremony. Beyond that, people really should be mature enough to realize that a couple can't invite everyone they know to their wedding.

We will probably get a sheet cake for anyone who shows up to our ceremony uninvited (since it's at our church).

sheenaloveseddie · April 2014

Wow.. It's nice to know I'm not the only one with this dilemma. Wait maybe that's not nice.

Well we have decided to invite the families we are close to. I'm sure some will be offended but I'm sure they will get over it quickly. Thank you to everyone for sharing their thoughts!!

Church Family and where to draw the line

Re: Church Family and where to draw the line

Choose Another Board

Search Boards