Oh Boy

buttercup1958 · April 2014

My boyfriend recieved an invite to a freinds wedding. I wasn't listed on the invite even though they know we live together. Also they put their wedding registry on the invite. Whelp guess we aren't going, oh well! Gosh some people are just tacky

emmaaa · April 2014

I received an invite a couple of weeks ago that said "FI's nickname and guest." I was really mad since we have been together over 5 years, lived together for 2, and are engaged. We also went to high school with both the bride and groom. We're going though because the groom is a good friend.

MrsMack10612 · April 2014

@eg72 - I'm curious how good a friend they are if you are still "and guest" with all the background you provided?

ScoutF · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

@eg72 - I'm curious how good a friend they are if you are still "and guest" with all the background you provided?

I was wondering the same thing.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

ScoutF said:

MrsMack10612 said:

@eg72 - I'm curious how good a friend they are if you are still "and guest" with all the background you provided?

I was wondering the same thing.

Ditto...apparently you aren't as good a friends as you thought you were.

buttercup1958 · April 2014

Myboyfriend tells me that his friend is really overdramatic so he doesn't care if we go or not. Apparently some of the weddings e has gone too haven't been so great. One was without a reception another had him buy rent a tux without asking his budget, and he was asked to play a song during the ceremony and didn't get a thank you or a gift. After hearing these horror stories I don't blame him. And @eg72 hopefully that will be the only rude thing they do!

grumbledore · April 2014

buttercup1958 said:

Myboyfriend tells me that his friend is really overdramatic so he doesn't care if we go or not. Apparently some of the weddings e has gone too haven't been so great. One was without a reception another had him buy rent a tux without asking his budget, and he was asked to play a song during the ceremony and didn't get a thank you or a gift. After hearing these horror stories I don't blame him. And @eg72 hopefully that will be the only rude thing they do!

Unfortunately, one rude thing is usually an indicator of overall rudeness. I would be surprised if it was the only rude thing they do.

buttercup1958 · April 2014

@grumbledore very true but maybe this could be the exception of rudness and not the rule? haha Luckily we have the perfect excuse to not go. We both are going to the Southeastern Conference in Blacksburg!

emmaaa · April 2014

I doubt that is the only rude thing that occurs at the wedding.

As I said, we are good friends with the groom and see him on a regular basis. The bride or her parents addressed the invites and we are not close with her (I've always got the vibe she doesn't like me), we just attended the same high school together. Doesn't make it any less rude, nonetheless.

buttercup1958 · April 2014

Well at least you will have an interesting story to tell us i guess!

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

Can all the idiots in the "how do I tell people they don't get a +1" discussion come read this please?

emmaaa · April 2014

@Lolo8383 and this one

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1015304/it-finally-happened-to-me#latest

MrsMack10612 · April 2014

eg72 said:

I doubt that is the only rude thing that occurs at the wedding.
As I said, we are good friends with the groom and see him on a regular basis. The bride or her parents addressed the invites and we are not close with her (I've always got the vibe she doesn't like me), we just attended the same high school together. Doesn't make it any less rude, nonetheless.

I still think that if the groom is that good of a friend, he would have made sure that it was addressed properly. I bugged the shit out of H and other folks to ensure that we got names/SO names, addresses, etc. done correctly and he reviewed the list just as often to make sure we got it right.

Sorry, I judge the groom if he's that out of the loop on his own wedding planning.

emmaaa · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

eg72 said:

I doubt that is the only rude thing that occurs at the wedding.
As I said, we are good friends with the groom and see him on a regular basis. The bride or her parents addressed the invites and we are not close with her (I've always got the vibe she doesn't like me), we just attended the same high school together. Doesn't make it any less rude, nonetheless.

I still think that if the groom is that good of a friend, he would have made sure that it was addressed properly. I bugged the shit out of H and other folks to ensure that we got names/SO names, addresses, etc. done correctly and he reviewed the list just as often to make sure we got it right.

Sorry, I judge the groom if he's that out of the loop on his own wedding planning.

I don't disagree with you at all. I was really upset when we got the invite. FI is much closer to the groom than I am but we are stll friends. I told FI, "This is why I'm making you help me with the guest list."

I thought about being super passive-agressive and addressing them as "Mr. FI's friend and guest" for our wedding even though they'll be married. But I won't actually go through with that.

Hisprinc3ss · April 2014

Easier said than done but I would say try not to take it too personal. Maybe they feel closer to him than to you. And sometimes it's hard to invite everyone. And although you guys live together the etiquette thing to do is invite both husband and wife.

MrsMack10612 · April 2014

@eg72 - I missed where you said you don't think the bride likes you. It's possible that it was intentionally passive aggressive.

Lizzieyounce · April 2014

Hisprinc3ss said:

Easier said than done but I would say try not to take it too personal. Maybe they feel closer to him than to you. And sometimes it's hard to invite everyone. And although you guys live together the etiquette thing to do is invite both husband and wife.

It's not that hard to pick up the phone and ask for the name of the SO so that the envelope can be addressed properly. This is why my husband (then fiancé) helped me make the guest list because I didn't know everyone he wanted to invite. If we were unsure about the SO situation, he actually called and asked, or emailed and asked. Thus, every single one of our invitations were addressed properly and passed etiquette muster. SO's got invited by name and the truly singles got invited as "name plus guest".

emmaaa · April 2014

@MrsMack10612 Yeah I didn't say it in my original reply. I told FI, "It's probably because K doesn't like me." I oculd see her doing that.

gmcr78 · April 2014

My very good friend addressed our wedding invitation to me and "guest", even though we'd been together for 5 years, they've known him and hung out with him multiple times during that 5 years, and we got married 2 weeks after them. Hubby was offended, as was I. It's just lazy.
Granted, these are the people who bitched on FB about the people who "didn't even get them a card", and then never sent thank you notes. They got married in October.

buttercup1958 · April 2014

Honestly its not that hard, this guy calls my boyfriend at least twice a week and constantly texts him. Its just thoughless in my opinion.

Aray82 · April 2014

buttercup1958 said:

Myboyfriend tells me that his friend is really overdramatic so he doesn't care if we go or not. Apparently some of the weddings e has gone too haven't been so great. One was without a reception another had him buy rent a tux without asking his budget, and he was asked to play a song during the ceremony and didn't get a thank you or a gift. After hearing these horror stories I don't blame him. And @eg72 hopefully that will be the only rude thing they do!

Stuck in quote box, but ugh! My FI plays the saxophone and is always getting asked to bring it to weddings, play some songs at the reception or ceremony, etc.--often at the last minute. He always says yes, and it's kind of him to do a favor for a friend, but I wish people appreciated the amount of work that goes into lugging an instrument on a plane (and then paying extra to check a suitcase so the sax can stay with you), figuring out where to store it, learning whatever song they ask for, not to mention the overall nerves of having to "perform" at what was supposed to be a relaxing day as a guest at a friend's wedding...even just a thank-you note would be nice. I think people sometimes just assume it's "fun" for musicians to play and they just loved being asked.

jessiray · April 2014

I have a friend who's bf was snubbed like that. Her invitation to her good friend's wedding said "Friend + Guest." Her bf isn't live-in, but they've been dating for well over a year (or two, can't remember when they started dating), have plans to move in together, and are planning on getting engaged soon. Friend didn't say anything to the bride, but she and I sure snarked about it. Plus, Friend and bf are in a relationship on Facebook, and the bride has met the bf on at least one time. Bride is also friends on Facebook.

For lurkers, an example of how a very close friend won't say anything directly to the bride, but she did say something to me, and we definitely snarked about it behind her back, regardless of how much Friend cares for the bride! I don't know the other bride, but I sure don't have a very good opinion of her!

lc07 · April 2014

Totally just playing devil's advocate and this is a serious question: Is it possible that people do this so that if you couldn't come to the wedding, your FI/BF/Whoever was named on the invite knows he is welcome to bring someone else like a friend or family member if they'd like to?

APDSS22 · April 2014

lc07 said:

Totally just playing devil's advocate and this is a serious question: Is it possible that people do this so that if you couldn't come to the wedding, your FI/BF/Whoever was named on the invite knows he is welcome to bring someone else like a friend or family member if they'd like to?

I think it's more likely laziness. If you were to send back a reply for one when you and your SO are both invited, the couple could always call you up and tell you directly that you are free to bring whomever you'd like since your SO couldn't make it. Assuming the couple isn't just out for presents and inviting random people they've never met to their wedding, they should know the people they are inviting well enough to call and extend that offer. I think that makes a lot more logical sense than inviting "Jeff and Guest" when you know his partner's name is Dave. If you had a family you invited of 4 but you only knew one parent, would you address it "John and 3 Guests" or would "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Cory and Leonard Smith"/"The Smith Family" be more appropriate? I just think the couple being too lazy is way more likely. Very rarely it might be because their family always addresses things incorrectly to "Jeff and Guest" even when they know the partner's name and the couple know no better than that.

ETA: A missing clause.

jessiray · April 2014

lc07 said:

Totally just playing devil's advocate and this is a serious question: Is it possible that people do this so that if you couldn't come to the wedding, your FI/BF/Whoever was named on the invite knows he is welcome to bring someone else like a friend or family member if they'd like to?

I think it's more likely laziness. If you were to send back a reply for one when you and your SO are both invited, the couple could always call you up and tell you directly that you are free to bring whomever you'd like since your SO couldn't make it. Assuming the couple isn't just out for presents and inviting random people they've never met to their wedding, they should know the people they are inviting well enough to call and extend that offer. I think that makes a lot more logical sense than inviting "Jeff and Guest" when you know his partner's name is Dave. If you had a family you invited of 4 but you only knew one parent, would you address it "John and 3 Guests" or would "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Cory and Leonard Smith"/"The Smith Family" be more appropriate? I just think the couple being too lazy is way more likely. Very rarely it might be because their family always addresses things incorrectly to "Jeff and Guest" even when they know the partner's name and the couple know no better than that.

ETA: A missing clause.

**Stuck in box**

If I was close enough to the couple that I knew that one of them wouldn't be able to make it, I would definitely contact them and let them know that bringing a friend/family member is perfectly fine, especially if they're traveling.

ashleyep · April 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

@eg72 - I'm curious how good a friend they are if you are still "and guest" with all the background you provided?

My cousin "and guest"ed me. We weren't engaged yet, but had been together for 4 years at the time and she saw him multiple times a year. "I only put names if they were married, engaged, or living together." She goes "well I wasn't inviting Bill, I was inviting you, and he's your date." That's ridiculous! I'm not inviting your husband as anything another than your date, but his name still goes on the damn invite.

Another cousin used that same logic for her wedding. Fortunately we were engaged by then, but she argued that that's what the etiquette said. She said "well what if they break up like [other cousin] did?" And I said "well why do you think this cousin is any more likely to break up with her bf of 6 years than you or I are? And if they do break up, you call them and say 'hey feel free to bring someone else'"

Jen4948 · April 2014

My BF was left off a wedding invitation I got recently from a guy who was like a younger brother to me (my real younger brother and I babysat him). I declined it.

buttercup1958 · April 2014

Aray82 I know right! He is really good too, but he shy about playing so for him to do it was a big deal. Also since it was on the beach, it was very uncomfortable to play. He just felt taken advantage of and I don't blame him at all.

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