Proposing to your FI

Inkdancer · April 2014

So one of my really good work friends is engaged, and got a ring from her fiancee. This weekend she is going to surprise her fiancee with a ring. When trying to convince her that she should totally do it, the following popped out of my mouth:

"It's not fair that we make people declare their love and propose to us, and then we never declare our love back."

The more I think about it, the more I want to go get my FI a ring and propose back to him. He worked so hard to give me a beautiful proposal moment, and I feel like he deserves the same.

What are your thoughts on this, my etiquette-minded friends? Is it appropriate to propose to your fiance(e)? Is it rude that we don't?

yellowdaisies84 · April 2014

It definitely depends on the person. I know my husband wouldn't have wanted me to do that, but that's just him. On the one-year anniversary of our engagement, I surprised him with a nice picnic and a letter and a new watch. I told him that he surprised me in the most amazing way on the day he proposed so I wanted him to experience a nice surprise too. On our second engagement anniversary I did something similar but more low-key and I want to always do something special for him every engagement anniversary!

grumbledore · April 2014

I think it's sweet and has no etiquette ramifications.

WinstonsGirl · April 2014

I say go for it if you want to. DH would have thug it was weird for me to do it, but he's more traditional minded about those things. If I had gotten him a ring too, he wouldn't have known what to do with it.

I don't think it's rude that the other half doesn't propose, as I see it that we've entered into the agreement by accepting, so no need to make a new agreement, if that makes sense. But I think it's a cool idea for you to propose back, so have fun planning something cool for him!!

sofakingmad · April 2014

I think it's kind of redundant to propose after he already proposed, but in general, I have no issue with who proposes in the first place.

Inkdancer · April 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

I think it's kind of redundant to propose after he already proposed, but in general, I have no issue with who proposes in the first place.

I can totally see that. I guess I meant it as more of a reaffirmation that I'm excited to marry him and I love him. I won't actually ask "will you marry me" since we already have that part very much decided!

sofakingmad · April 2014

Inkdancer said:

DragonBlood13 said:

I think it's kind of redundant to propose after he already proposed, but in general, I have no issue with who proposes in the first place.

I can totally see that. I guess I meant it as more of a reaffirmation that I'm excited to marry him and I love him. I won't actually ask "will you marry me" since we already have that part very much decided!

I think you can do whatever you want to do in this situation and that's very sweet that you want to.

On our one year anniversary, I bought my H a really nice watch that I knew he had wanted for a very long time, but wouldn't ever buy. I kind of felt like that was his special piece of jewelry that was similar to my engagement ring.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

Awe... That so sweet. You should totally do it!

phira · April 2014

Do it do it do it!

One of the most romantic things about my engagement was that J and I both asked each other, "Will you marry me?" It was so affirming to both ask and to both say yes.

It's also part of our relationship that we reassure each other. It's not constant, but it does feel nice to have someone say to you, "I'm so glad we're getting married."

larrygaga · April 2014

I think it's a good idea! Do it!

mbross3 · April 2014

I think it's a great idea and it's kind of what I plan to do as well. I think it's important for both parties in an equal relationship to voice the desire that the other person agree to marry them. Yes, if your SO asks you to marry him/her then she/he is voicing their desire to marry you, but I think there's something to be said for voicing back to them that same desire and your reasons for wanting to marry them. Anyway, BF and I are not engaged yet, but we've agreed that it will be a mutual decision and a mutual proposal. Neither of us are traditional and we don't buy into gender roles. The most important thing for both of us is knowing that the other person is ready and in the same place.

I think it's really sweet!

emmyg65 · April 2014

I proposed back to my DH. I actually considered proposing to him first, but it was important to him to be the one to ask. Of course, we'd already been discussing marriage for a while and had our wedding pretty well planned.

jenna8984 · April 2014

I think it's really cute and sweet. However, if I did it- it would have to be in our pj's in our bedroom otherwise he would think I was "trumping" his proposal and that his wasn't seen as special enough lol. Even though it was to me, I know he's feel like that if I made some big special evening out of it. He would be like "this is the original proposal you wanted huh?". NOT TRUE at all- I just know his personality and that's what he would say! I like the idea of getting him a nice watch or something for the wedding night or the anniversary.

wrigleyville · April 2014

My friends did something like this. He really wanted an engagement ring too, so they went shopping together for ideas, and she picked one out and bought it for him. She didn't propose, since they were already engaged, but she put it in a nice box and gave it to him during dinner the following weekend.

It confused me, though, because we went out to dinner with them sometime after that, and I saw the band on his left hand. I asked, "Did you guys elope?" and that's when she laughed and told me the story. I'd never seen an engagement ring on a man before, so I figured it was a wedding band. He said other people had made similar comments so he was thinking about switching it to his right hand.

APDSS22 · April 2014

My husband wanted a "mangagement" ring. A friend of ours who had gotten married had one and he thought it was only fair. He ended up liking it so much it became his wedding ring. We just went to the jewelry store and picked it out together and I paid for it, I didn't do any special sort of proposal but I think it's a sweet idea.

jessiray · April 2014

Do it!! My FI and actually weren't intending to get engaged when we did--we went to look at ring ideas (I have very tiny hands, and very specific tastes). It was the last store in the mall, and I found a ring that I absolutely loved, and the price was right. He asked me if I really loved that ring, he liked the price, so while the ring was being set in the store (we chose the setting and then the diamond), we called our parents to get "permission." (My dad laughed and gave him a hard time--jokingly, and his mom told us "about time!!") And then he proposed right there in the store after they had the ring in the setting (they were empty because it was closing time)! I had been planning on getting him a watch after he proposed, so the next day we got him an engagement watch

(He's not a fan of management rings). It's beautiful, and it has the date we got engaged engraved on it. I figured I got to pick out the ring, so he got to pick out the watch!

doeydo · April 2014

I asked my fiance what he would think/do if I got him a ring and proposed back to him. He gave me this expression

I guess it's a know your guy thing.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

doeydo said:

I asked my fiance what he would think/do if I got him a ring and proposed back to him. He gave me this expression

I guess it's a know your guy thing.

Is your FI related to mine? haha. He goes, "well I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to marry you, so that seems silly. But you could have proposed first if you wanted"

rajahmd · April 2014

A little while after we got engaged, I mentioned to then FI off the cuff that I felt bad that I had a ring to show off to people and symbolize our engagement, but he didn't have anything. I jokingly asked if he would want a ring. He actually really liked the idea. So, about 2 months after we got engaged, we went to a jewelry store and he picked out a ring. I think he enjoyed getting to the be the in the spotlight. He even found the ring that eventually became his wedding band that day. When we got married, he moved his engagement ring to his right hand as they're too large to be worn together. He loves both his rings and even likes that his engagement ring shows some wear and tear (he says it just shows that we've been through a lot together).

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

RajahBMFD said:

A little while after we got engaged, I mentioned to then FI off the cuff that I felt bad that I had a ring to show off to people and symbolize our engagement, but he didn't have anything. I jokingly asked if he would want a ring. He actually really liked the idea. So, about 2 months after we got engaged, we went to a jewelry store and he picked out a ring. I think he enjoyed getting to the be the in the spotlight. He even found the ring that eventually became his wedding band that day. When we got married, he moved his engagement ring to his right hand as they're too large to be worn together. He loves both his rings and even likes that his engagement ring shows some wear and tear (he says it just shows that we've been through a lot together).

So sweet!

I would have gotten my FI a watch if I hadn't bought him a watch for our five year dating anniversary (two years ago!). It is brand new because he cracked the crystal and they replaced the entire watch (through the only warranty I have ever bought = winning). But he hates rings so when I offered to get him an engagement ring he wasn't interested, though he will wear a wedding ring by his choice.

Inkdancer · April 2014

I did it!

I didn't go get him a ring, because he's really not a jewelry wearing person. We went out to dinner last night before a concert and I told him how much I love him, how proud I am of him, and how excited I am to be marrying him. He teared up a little. I call it a win!

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

Well I just talked to FI (well I sent him this thread) and he (who says he hates jewelry) wants an engagement ring under the condition that he doesn't have to wear it all the time. I laughed soooo hard when he said that. I wear mine about half of the time. I take it off to shower and forget to put it back on and I never wear it on days I have soccer. And he decided that I need to pick it out since he had to pick mine out. haha. oh dear, he changes his mind on things he is so adamant about and he cracks me up.

Well I already have it picked out and he gets when I'm home.

FiancB · April 2014

I actually was the one to propose to my ex. That didn't work out but that's a whole 'nother can of worms. It's funny though because I was surprised by how nervous I was, so this time around when FI proposed to me, I get it. And I knew it was coming because he was similarly stressed out and acting pretty strange that day.

Apparently the thing that you're "supposed" to get if you're a girl proposing to a guy is a watch as opposed to a ring. Who knew. I'd previously gotten my ex a watch though and I used a ring.

We bought FIs wedding band randomly at the mall one day and he likes it so he's already been wearing it. I like that. It makes me warm and fuzzy. So it's sort of an e-ring although there's no plans to get him another one.

cowgirl8238 · April 2014

doeydo said:

I asked my fiance what he would think/do if I got him a ring and proposed back to him. He gave me this expression

I guess it's a know your guy thing.

Thats how mine reacted also! So I agree, its a know your man thing

sassyfrass2014 · April 2014

FI and I already talked about how it's a little unfair that I get a ring to show off and he doesn't! But then he went back and said that he wouldn't want two rings after the wedding day, since he is a no jewelry kind of guy. He just wants one simple gold band, and he doesn't want his wedding band "diminished" by an engagement ring. (his words!)

I guess two gold bands on the same finger may look a little silly to him, but he's the groom and he gets say on what goes on his hand! I may do a nice watch for him like some of the PP's. But you go @Inkdancer! What a good idea!

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

southyrnbride14 said:

FI and I already talked about how it's a little unfair that I get a ring to show off and he doesn't! But then he went back and said that he wouldn't want two rings after the wedding day, since he is a no jewelry kind of guy. He just wants one simple gold band, and he doesn't want his wedding band "diminished" by an engagement ring. (his words!)

I guess two gold bands on the same finger may look a little silly to him, but he's the groom and he gets say on what goes on his hand! I may do a nice watch for him like some of the PP's. But you go @Inkdancer! What a good idea!

I thought about that when looking at rings, so I'm getting him a fun ring. Camo, and that may be tacky and overdone, but he will love it and only wear it when he wants until Dec. He is a hunter/fisher/outdoor guy so I think it is perfect. He didn't want it for his wedding ring because that is something he plans on having forever and he wants something serious to represent our commitment, but while he is getting used to wearing a ring a cheap non-gold ring is perfect!

lalalorelai · April 2014

I got my FI a "mangagement" right too! After he proposed, he kept joking about how it wasn't fair how everyone wanted to see my bling but he had nothing to show off. He picked a relatively inexpensive ring, and when it came in the mail he sprinted out to the mailbox and tore open the package and put it right on his finger.

So I didn't propose to him, even if I had wanted to. I have no idea what he plans to do with it after we're married, but he loves the damn thing so much I wouldn't be surprised if he keeps wearing it. Seriously, I think he likes that ring more than I like mine. He occasionally gets people thinking we're already married but that never seems to bother him.

SP29 · April 2014

My DH isn't big into jewelry, but I like the idea of a watch as an anniversary gift. I think I may steal that idea

.

I don't think there is any issue about who proposes first.

Proposing to your FI

Re: Proposing to your FI

Choose Another Board

Search Boards