Gifts on top of hair/makeup brunch party for bridesmaids?

HeidiR1979 · April 2014

Hi all! Wedding is next month and I'm super excited. I am going back and forth about bridesmaid gifts. I have already paid about $1700 for a party at a posh salon that will provide hair and makeup plus mimosas and brunch for my bridal party. Are bridesmaid gifts still needed on top of that?

TeddiD34 · April 2014

I'm afraid so. This is only a gift for yourself, basically.

Shop like it's their birthdays and they'll appreciate that.

HeidiR1979 · April 2014

I could have just gone and had my own hair and makeup done though.

doeydo · April 2014

HeidiR1979 said:

Hi all! Wedding is next month and I'm super excited. I am going back and forth about bridesmaid gifts. I have already paid about $1700 for a party at a posh salon that will provide hair and makeup plus mimosas and brunch for my bridal party. Are bridesmaid gifts still needed on top of that?

Yes, you need to get your BMs bridesmaid gifts. They should be personalized to their likes and personalities (ie. a nice mug and fancy coffee grinds for the coffee lover).

HeidiR1979 said:

I could have just gone and had my own hair and makeup done though.

Yes, you could have. Just because you offered to pay for their hair and makeup does not make it a gift for them. Anything that has anything to do with your wedding day or part of the 'uniform' for the day of does not constitute as a gift for them whatsoever.

HeidiR1979 · April 2014

Sounds like I should have saved the money and bought gifts instead!

Add another item to my list.

manateehugger · April 2014

HeidiR1979 said:

I could have just gone and had my own hair and makeup done though.

Yes, but you chose not to. Your bridesmaids didn't force you to host the makeup party, right? It was 100% your own decision.

Hair and makeup for a wedding is in no way a gift. Your gifts don't have to be extravagant, but they should be meaningful and heartfelt.

HeidiR1979 · April 2014

I'm starting to feel a little bullied here. I've never posted on a message board before and have no one to ask questions like this to. I wanted to do something nice so that's why I paid so much money for this. I wanted them to have fun that morning all getting ready together and being pampered.

Thanks for your sage advice. I'm not a jerk. My FH and I are paying for this all out of our own pockets and every dollar counts.

manateehugger · April 2014

HeidiR1979 said:

I'm starting to feel a little bullied here. I've never posted on a message board before and have no one to ask questions like this to. I wanted to do something nice so that's why I paid so much money for this. I wanted them to have fun that morning all getting ready together and being pampered.

Thanks for your sage advice. I'm not a jerk. My FH and I are paying for this all out of our own pockets and every dollar counts.

You're not being bullied in the slightest. No one said you were a jerk. All we said is that hair and makeup is not a gift.

I'm not saying paying for hair and makeup isn't a nice gesture. Of course it is; I have always appreciated it when brides have covered that cost for me as a BM. However, the pampering and party is more for you than for them. It's your wedding day, not theirs.

Many brides pay for their weddings on their own. Do some thinking about your BM's likes and then go grab them a nice gift. Again, it doesn't have to be extravagant.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

I'm sorry but how is people telling you that paying for an elaborate salon party for your BMs to get ready the day of your wedding is not to be considered a wedding party gift in anyway bullying?

It is great that you did something nice for your party but in the end their pretty hair and makeup is more for you and your wedding pictures then it really is for them.

On here we tell brides to buy gifts for their BMs like it is their birthday or Christmas and leave the wedding out of it competely.

MairePoppy · April 2014

Who called you a jerk?

It's not necessary for you to throw a swanky party for your bms. Getting hair and makeup done for your wedding can't be considered a gift to them. If budget is a concern, serve coffee and bagels or Subway sandwiches instead of brunch. Also, the gifts don't have to be expensive, as long as you put some thought into what each of your bms would like.

And you are correct. You could have just had your own hair and makeup done and let each of the bms decide if they wanted to their own or pay for professional hair and makeup.

JMalettas · April 2014

I would be totally stoked if the bride paid for my hair, make-up & mimosas/brunch the morning of the wedding. That's saving a ton of $ on something I'd have to pay for myself. I do understand, etiquette wise, you should also be purchasing them a gift, but personally, I wouldn't expect it after all of that.

Now, that being said, if it were me paying for all of that at my wedding, I wouldn't consider it their gift. (I also wouldn't have paid that much unless it was part of the budget, including gifts). I'd also be getting them each a gift, separately. Yes, if I were in a wedding party, and the bride paid for all of that, I would be happy--but it wouldn't be how I would do it myself. I'd stick to the proper etiquette, and purchase them something I think they'll each like. It's the "proper" thing to do. Now, that doesn't mean you have to go out and spend a hundred dollars on each BM. There are a lot of nice & affordable gift options!

*J

boardingbride · April 2014

I would love to be treated to a day at a spa to get my hair and make-up done all fancy while drinking mimosas and having brunch. I think that is a great gift and if I was a bridesmaid I would highly appreciate it.

mayat983 · April 2014

I guess I'm not in the majority because I would LOVE to be pampered and not have to worry about hair and makeup. When I agree to be in someone's wedding I do because I love them and value their friendship, not because I want to get gifts. I think it is technically a gift that benefits you, yet takes some stress off of them. I will be purchasing gifts for each of my girls, but I doubt your BMs would complain with what you've done...I know I wouldnt!

Jen4948 · April 2014

Paying for hairstyling and makeup for your bridesmaids, while lovely and generous gestures, don't constitute "gifts" to them. It is merely covering some of the expenses involved in being a bridesmaid that they would otherwise cover.

In order to qualify as gifts, I'd give them something unrelated to your wedding.

Viczaesar · April 2014

mayat983 said:

I guess I'm not in the majority because I would LOVE to be pampered and not have to worry about hair and makeup. When I agree to be in someone's wedding I do because I love them and value their friendship, not because I want to get gifts. I think it is technically a gift that benefits you, yet takes some stress off of them. I will be purchasing gifts for each of my girls, but I doubt your BMs would complain with what you've done...I know I wouldnt!

I would. I have no desire to have my hair and make up professionally done.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

Viczaesar said:

mayat983 said:

I guess I'm not in the majority because I would LOVE to be pampered and not have to worry about hair and makeup. When I agree to be in someone's wedding I do because I love them and value their friendship, not because I want to get gifts. I think it is technically a gift that benefits you, yet takes some stress off of them. I will be purchasing gifts for each of my girls, but I doubt your BMs would complain with what you've done...I know I wouldnt!

I would. I have no desire to have my hair and make up professionally done.

This,

sarahs616 · April 2014

I'd personally love that as a gift! I guess it comes down to the girls in your wedding- if they all enjoy getting their hair done/being pampered I say go for it. If some wouldn't be as excited about it, you should probably get them all something else additionally : )

artbyallie · April 2014

sarahs616 said:

I'd personally love that as a gift! I guess it comes down to the girls in your wedding- if they all enjoy getting their hair done/being pampered I say go for it. If some wouldn't be as excited about it, you should probably get them all something else additionally : )

Yeah, but the point is, it's not about pampering them. It makes them look good for the bride's pictures.

MamaAlly89 · April 2014

Personally I would love that as a gift! It would take the pressure off me having to pay for it or attempt to try and do it myself!! That's just me though, and I know many people on here wouldn't agree and say you should shop for the BMs like its their birthday. If you choose to get them something else it doesn't have to be anything big, a favorite bottle of wine or a gift card are fine ideas!

abbyj700 · April 2014

If you have the money to throw a $1700 getting ready party - why wouldn't you get gifts? It's obviously not for financial reasons.

alphabridesmaid · April 2014

I personally would be thrilled because that sounds like so much fun and is so nice of you to do! However, like everyone is saying, because the hair/makeup is really getting them ready to look pretty for your day and your pictures, it technically shouldn't count as a gift. That said, you don't have to drop a ton of money on gifts. Get them something nice and meaningful. Like PPs said, shop for them like it's their birthday. I don't know how many maids you have but if it's a smaller BP, $100ish per BM isn't the end of the world. Consider how much time and money your maids have also put into this wedding for you and they'll likely still give you a gift (not that it should be tit-for-tat, just to put it in perspective). Most weddings I've been a BM in it's cost nearly $1000 when travel costs and gifts and showers are all included. $1000 I spent because I loved the friends I was standing up for.

mysticl · April 2014

HeidiR1979 said:

I'm starting to feel a little bullied here. I've never posted on a message board before and have no one to ask questions like this to. I wanted to do something nice so that's why I paid so much money for this. I wanted them to have fun that morning all getting ready together and being pampered.

Thanks for your sage advice. I'm not a jerk. My FH and I are paying for this all out of our own pockets and every dollar counts.

Here's the thing, I don't consider having my hair yanked, pulled, and shellacked into some fancy hairstyle and having makeup applied to my face to be pampering. Pampering is something that relaxes me and those things don't. Plus that means getting up even earlier and spending more time doing wedding stuff that day.

It is nice of you do to this, but like others have said it's not a gift. I don't know where you live or how many are in your wedding party but that amount sound insanely high to me and is not something I would spend money on if every dollar counts. That's why we didn't do salon hair and makeup for my wedding and the price would have been way less.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

While I would love to have brunch and maybe a massage before your wedding (duh, we all have to eat), I would probably opt out of the hair and makeup. I have hated every professional makeup application I've ever had (and people tell me I do a much better job), and would rather have my regular stylist do my hair, if I couldn't do it myself. I'd even rather my regular girl do my nails. Lots of women don't want a stylist they don't know doing their hair, and why force someone to wear makeup for your wedding when they might not even wear it for their own? Not every woman likes to wear it.

I hope you verified with all your girls ahead of time, that they wanted to have their hair and makeup done and were available that morning to do it. I'd hate it if you'd already paid all that money, and then not everyone could be there or felt comfortable taking part in the services. You can't require that they be there, either. Can you double check with them, and then alter your plans based on what they say? If all your girls can and want to be there, then it's all good and you should go with it. But there shouldn't be a problem if someone wants or needs to skip part of it, or just meet you at your venue ready to go. I do think your heart is in the right place, because you do want to treat them all well, but I think you need to communicate better and rethink a few things.

Vivandiere8 · April 2014

I would personally think this was a nice gift and wouldn't expect anything more, but then I think of my sister who doesn't like other people doing her make up, and even did her own hair on her own wedding day because she liked what she does with it better than a salon. Sooo... as you can see from the responses different people like different things. But what I want to know is when did giving bridesmaids gifts become an obligatory thing? Why is it that we say one isn't obligated to give a gift at any other even, for any other reason, including a wedding... except for the bride to the maids? I thought it was a nice gesture and not an obligation.

Mitch617 · April 2014

I agree that I personally would like the hair, makeup, and brunch. If I were a bridesmaid I would probably pay for my hair anyways, and do my own makeup to save money, but it would be nice to get the hair paid for, a nice brunch, and then end up getting makeup done as a treat. If your bridesmaids don't like that kind of thing I wouldn't consider that a gift. As long as you aren't forcing them to get this done against their will or mandating a certain hairstyle, I think many girls would like this gift.

mysticl · April 2014

Vivandiere8 said:

I would personally think this was a nice gift and wouldn't expect anything more, but then I think of my sister who doesn't like other people doing her make up, and even did her own hair on her own wedding day because she liked what she does with it better than a salon. Sooo... as you can see from the responses different people like different things. But what I want to know is when did giving bridesmaids gifts become an obligatory thing? Why is it that we say one isn't obligated to give a gift at any other even, for any other reason, including a wedding... except for the bride to the maids? I thought it was a nice gesture and not an obligation.

It's a tradition that's been around for a long time. It is a way to say thank you to them for giving up their time and money to participate in your wedding.

kkitkat79 · April 2014

If hair and make up is something your bridesmaids would have done anyway then I think it's a very nice gift. I always prefer something practical as a gift that I can use. If you're saving me a ton of money by paying for some of the expenses I otherwise would have to cover I would be frilled. However, if some of your friends are not into that then you should get something else. It's not really a gift if you know a person will not enjoy it.

wandajune6 · April 2014

To me, all of the pampering is only a gift if it is at a time that is convenient for me. I hate having my hair and makeup done. I might not be good at it myself but I always end up hating the makeup others put on me. For me, that doesn't qualify as a gift.

I'm planning on having everyone get ready at our hotel suite. I'm giving the option for people to get their hair/makeup done though we're still deciding if we can offer to pay. Regardless, we'll have lots of tools/products available to anyone who needs them. We'll also have lots of champagne, soda, sandwiches and snacks to keep everyone comfortable as we get ready. To me, that's just being a good hostess on a day when everyone is being supportive. I played with the idea of getting everyone manis/pedis and the like but ultimately, we all have such different styles and tastes that I wouldn't want to unintentionally impose them on anyone else. (Plus, 2 love acrylic nails which can't be done on-site!)

A gift is a way of thanking your BMs for standing with you and supporting you. You're giving them a nice morning but it's easier to think of it as a pre-wedding party rather than a gift.

peachy13 · April 2014

As many others have said, yes. A gift for your bridesmaids is pretty much mandatory. Paying for their makeup and/or hair is very optional and very nice of you.

KeptInStitches · May 2014

Tina&Mario said:

I think it's awesome to pamper your bridal party! It's a special day for everyone involved. If you are unsure about this being enough to serve as their gift, maybe consider getting them something small. In the grand scheme of things it ends up being worth it (especially with all the wedding gifts you'll receive). Consider doing something around $20 per person. I like the sock subscription idea and they have coupons all the time www.sockwork.com . Good luck,

@KnotPorscha, over here too...

Gifts on top of hair/makeup brunch party for bridesmaids?

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