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Found this gem on FB... Potluck reception

happywigglehappywiggle member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Ick!

"Just a reminder to anyone going to the wedding this Saturday, the reception is a pot-luck, so if you're attending, remember to bring food so everyone can eat!"

I read that and was like "Huh?? You're not going to even make sure there is enough food there?". 

This was a PUBLIC post, so I saw it. He's got people on his friend's list (like me) that weren't invited; not that I mind, I just think it should be made a post for only those invited.

A note to lurkers: No matter how close your friends/family are, they WILL talk about you behind your back. Some will even be like me and call you out on being rude.
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Re: Found this gem on FB... Potluck reception

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Gross. I would totally skip a potluck wedding. 
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  • happywigglehappywiggle member
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    cowgirl8238 said:
    I am willing to bet that this Fcebook post is just part of the very long list of etiqutte faux pas.  Obviously the pot luck is also a problem...but I wager there are more issues too.  I would be glad I wasn't invited!
    He also did a facebook post telling people to check for an event invite that not all his friends received. It was an invite for the wedding.
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  • happywigglehappywiggle member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I actually called him out on it via text. I asked him what he would do if there wasnt enough food. The response? They'd get over it, and people are making extras.

    Pandemonia said:
    I'm liking the triple etiquette whammy that's contained in one, single sentence:

    1. You WILL bring food. 

    2. Clearly you are too dimwitted to remember without being instructed and ...

    3. It's YOUR responsibility to ensure that everyone can eat. 


    #2 is his reasoning for posting it when I called him out on it
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  • rajahmdrajahmd member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    amrhodes23 said:
    I actually called him out on it via text. I asked him what he would do if there wasnt enough food. The response? They'd get over it, and people are making extras.

    show previous quotes
    #2 is his reasoning for posting it when I called him out on it
    Well that's just fucked up. What is people don't make extra? What then nimrod?
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    And then if he's posting about it on Facebook all the damn time, he's opening himself up to crashers (maybe even some who assume since they saw the deets online, they must be invited, because this is too big of a shit show to require proper invitations and RSVPs anyway), which means even more likelihood of running out of food... (food which I wouldn't eat anyway if I didn't know who made it, but that's neither here nor there).
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    lol i love the crashing part just think he knows that x amount of people show up then 4 fb friends just stop hi say hi whats up thanks for the invite and he knows they are not supposed to be there.. at a wedding your supposed to host your guests not have them host you.


    for one i hate potlucks i dont know who when where or how it was made so i wont eat it unless i brought it. it just grosses me out

    on top of it i can see people just giving congrats cards on the wedding with nothing inside.
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    amrhodes23 said:
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    He also did a facebook post telling people to check for an event invite that not all his friends received. It was an invite for the wedding.
    ick!
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    Can you share his wedding location so we can all crash this trainwreck???  LOL j/k (maybe not).  I almost wish you were invited since this sounds like a real mess.

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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Ick! I would be really hesitant to eat a bunch of food when I had no idea where it came from. I went to a wedding about a year ago where the food was bought and heated by the family hosting (it was just spaghetti so that's ok). However, since there was no staff on hand, the groom's aunt took charge of "cutting" the cake. I was watching in horror as she used a knife and her bare hands to serve every piece. It was a huge, sloppy mess. Needless to say, I didn't eat any cake :(


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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
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    Just show up with the individual bag of chips à la Mr. Burns on the Simpsons

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  • happywigglehappywiggle member
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    cowgirl8238 said:

    Can you share his wedding location so we can all crash this trainwreck???  LOL j/k (maybe not).  I almost wish you were invited since this sounds like a real mess.

    Haha, I could if I knew the exact location (I don't). I would have declined as it's a potluck, and I'd be "required" to bring something after flying 1000 miles to get there in the first place!
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    What did you say when you called him out?! If I saw a public post like that, there's NO way I could stop myself from posting "Maybe you should provide your guests with something to eat since you're the one throwing the event."
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  • happywigglehappywiggle member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    JellyBean52513 said:
    What did you say when you called him out?! If I saw a public post like that, there's NO way I could stop myself from posting "Maybe you should provide your guests with something to eat since you're the one throwing the event."
    All I said on FB was "change your privacy settings"

    Via text message: "You do know it's incredibly rude to post that status for all your friends who aren't invited to see, right?" He replies he's sorry and wasn't trying to be rude. 

    Next comment: "I'm just pointing it out. I'm surprised no one else said anything online. [second text:] It got me curious though, what are you going to do if there's not enough food for everyone?" He said they'll get over it, and that was why he posted--he didn't know how to remind everyone and not everyone rsvp'd. My response: "That's why you supply the food, not the guests".

    I was trying to be nice while making my point. I kind of wish I was going to be a fly on the wall at the wedding tomorrow. Alas, I have better things to do (like hunting up engagement photo locations!)
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ew no.  I'm sorry, but I am totally super picky about cleanliness as far as food goes.  At work I have it pounded into my head that hair MUST be up (And brush through it beforehand, away from the food, to get rid of any already loose hairs) hands WASHED with antibacterial soap, GLOVES ON over that, and god forbid I need to sneeze or cough, I get far away from where the food is and do so into my elbow.  I don't want to eat food where I am not 100% sure the person washed their hands first.

    I also have to be EXTREMELY careful to avoid cross-contamination.  Our gluten free flour never touches the normal flour.  We have a designated GF sugar etc. as well that never touches the other sugar.  NO NUTS WHATSOEVER allowed in the building.

    Because some people (Like one of our friends who will be invited to my wedding, so I have to be EXTREMELY careful)  have allergies that are so severe even cross-contamination can send them to the hospital.  Our friend, for instance, is so allergic to peanuts that if you eat one, and within a few hours share a water bottle with him, he will need to go to the ER.  So how do we know exactly what is in every food at this potluck, and how do we guarantee that while there are no nuts in the recipe, that the ingredients used were processed in factories that do not also process nuts, or that the cook did not eat nuts and not wash their hands before cooking etc.  A home kitchen is a nightmare in terms of cross-contamination.

    Food is not one of those things you can be super lax about when serving it to a lot of people.  There are so many allergies out there, with so many degrees of severity, you need to be able to know WHAT is in your food, and HOW it is made as to prevent cross-contamination. 
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    HaileyDancingbear said:
    Ew no.  I'm sorry, but I am totally super picky about cleanliness as far as food goes.  At work I have it pounded into my head that hair MUST be up (And brush through it beforehand, away from the food, to get rid of any already loose hairs) hands WASHED with antibacterial soap, GLOVES ON over that, and god forbid I need to sneeze or cough, I get far away from where the food is and do so into my elbow.  I don't want to eat food where I am not 100% sure the person washed their hands first.

    I also have to be EXTREMELY careful to avoid cross-contamination.  Our gluten free flour never touches the normal flour.  We have a designated GF sugar etc. as well that never touches the other sugar.  NO NUTS WHATSOEVER allowed in the building.

    Because some people (Like one of our friends who will be invited to my wedding, so I have to be EXTREMELY careful)  have allergies that are so severe even cross-contamination can send them to the hospital.  Our friend, for instance, is so allergic to peanuts that if you eat one, and within a few hours share a water bottle with him, he will need to go to the ER.  So how do we know exactly what is in every food at this potluck, and how do we guarantee that while there are no nuts in the recipe, that the ingredients used were processed in factories that do not also process nuts, or that the cook did not eat nuts and not wash their hands before cooking etc.  A home kitchen is a nightmare in terms of cross-contamination.

    Food is not one of those things you can be super lax about when serving it to a lot of people.  There are so many allergies out there, with so many degrees of severity, you need to be able to know WHAT is in your food, and HOW it is made as to prevent cross-contamination. 

    Out of couriousity (no snark intended) how does someone like that go through their daily lives??  I am admittedly very lucky to not have any major allergies, but I just can't begin to imagine how one could live like this?
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
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    cowgirl8238 said:
    show previous quotes

    Out of couriousity (no snark intended) how does someone like that go through their daily lives??  I am admittedly very lucky to not have any major allergies, but I just can't begin to imagine how one could live like this?
    He was camping at the same music festival FI and I were camping at, and he would only drink out of a bottle if he himself opened it, and would carry it with him- that would be his designated "Peanut free" water.  He was only willing to let anyone have a sip of his water or share a cigarette etc. if they had A. not eaten peanuts that day or B. Rinsed their mouth with mouthwash.  As for food he had to be careful about the labeling on packaging etc. and ate a lot of whole foods like fruits, corn (A friend of mine lives on a farm and brought a ton of really delicious ears of corn) etc.

    At college, the school of course does NOT want to be sued, and peanut allergies are relatively common as far as allergies go, so as long as he sticks to stuff like pizza and fried chicken etc. that would never contain nuts or be next to foods that do contain nuts, he can trust that it's not cross-contaminated.  Although stuff like the cookies and desserts etc. he doesn't touch because if there is a dessert with peanuts (Such as peanut butter cookies) anywhere in the mix, there is no way to guarantee the rest of the desserts aren't contaminated.

    I also know from experience working in a studio that is entirely nut free, and has lots of students who are equally allergic to peanuts, that there are plenty of options for people with severe allergies.  Luckily products tend to be clearly labeled, and you can even call the company to double-check, as we have with any ingredient we were not 100% sure about.  
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  • 2leadsingers2leadsingers member
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    HaileyDancingbear said:
    show previous quotes
    He was camping at the same music festival FI and I were camping at, and he would only drink out of a bottle if he himself opened it, and would carry it with him- that would be his designated "Peanut free" water.  He was only willing to let anyone have a sip of his water or share a cigarette etc. if they had A. not eaten peanuts that day or B. Rinsed their mouth with mouthwash.  As for food he had to be careful about the labeling on packaging etc. and ate a lot of whole foods like fruits, corn (A friend of mine lives on a farm and brought a ton of really delicious ears of corn) etc.

    At college, the school of course does NOT want to be sued, and peanut allergies are relatively common as far as allergies go, so as long as he sticks to stuff like pizza and fried chicken etc. that would never contain nuts or be next to foods that do contain nuts, he can trust that it's not cross-contaminated.  Although stuff like the cookies and desserts etc. he doesn't touch because if there is a dessert with peanuts (Such as peanut butter cookies) anywhere in the mix, there is no way to guarantee the rest of the desserts aren't contaminated.

    I also know from experience working in a studio that is entirely nut free, and has lots of students who are equally allergic to peanuts, that there are plenty of options for people with severe allergies.  Luckily products tend to be clearly labeled, and you can even call the company to double-check, as we have with any ingredient we were not 100% sure about.  
    As someone with an allergy myself, it can be rough. I used to work in a sales office where our vendors would bring in snacks for the sales associates. If one of them ate trail mix and then handed me their pen, I would break out in blistered welts on my hands. You have to ask everywhere you go if they serve items with nuts, or cook in peanut oil. For instance all of Jimmy johns kettle cooked chips are done in nut oil and forget hitting a f> ve guys burgers and fries. You just learn to carry benedryl, back up benedryl, your own snacks and water, epi pens, back up epi pens, and never be afraid to speak up. For instance at a funeral I attended last week for FIs sister, someone had brought a huge tray of homemade cookies.... some with nuts. I had to avoid the lounge without my gloves on and carry around my purse with me. It sucks but you deal. 
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  • happywigglehappywiggle member
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    Chipmunk415 said:
    Evil Chipmunk would be torn between bringing DH's five alarm chili after adding buffalo sauce to it, and brownies with chocolate laxatives baked in, but that's not fair to the other guests....perhaps make a special wedding pie, just for the couple, a la Minnie in The Help?
    @Chipmunk415, you should let Evil Chipmunk come out to play more often!
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  • jules3964jules3964 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I just don't understand how they can foresee having enough main entrees that provide enough sustenance for everyone. FI and I are the ones who will bring something like a veggie tray and hummus from the grocery store. 


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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I find pot-luck wedding couples to be the cheapest people ever.   There is nothing wrong with a simple cake and punch reception.     No, that's not good enough for them.  They want a meal time wedding.  So they defer the wedding costs to their guests in order to "save money".   

    Sure THEY save money, their guests now have to purchase the ingredients, gas and electric and use their own time to make the food.   Funny how the guests costs to make food are not part of the overall budget.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    lyndausvi said:
    I find pot-luck wedding couples to be the cheapest people ever.   There is nothing wrong with a simple cake and punch reception.     No, that's not good enough for them.  They want a meal time wedding.  So they defer the wedding costs to their guests in order to "save money".   

    Sure THEY save money, their guests now have to purchase the ingredients, gas and electric and use their own time to make the food.   Funny how the guests costs to make food are not part of the overall budget.
    Simple cake and punch receptions can be delightfully charming. That is what my parents had so that they could host everyone. My grandparents did too. 

    Now my cousin had one at meal time on a holiday (4th of July) and my family still talks about how awful it was. And the BM speech was basically "Well I hated this girl forever. She was never good enough for cousin. But after he knocked her up and had to give up going to college on full scholarship, I'm more okay with her"  They were 17/18 at the time. She had just given birth four months before. Her MOH was 15 and pregnant. Cousin and bride were arrested four months later for robbing a liquor store, which was stupid because there are cameras in a liquor store (duh!) and my uncle would have given them liquor for free. Cousin got extra time for trying to intimidate witnesses, but apparently the jail experience brought them closer together.  This cousin is always the center of some gossip in our family. 

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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    I'd totally crash this wedding and pop extra popcorn to watch this trainwreck!
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  • AzAnnieAzAnnie member
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    My FI is allergic to nuts, particularly almonds. If he eats a sliver of a almond he stops breathing within 4-5 minutes. We inspect everything before he even thinks about eating it. It's a hard way to live, but worth it.
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  • shoebunnieshoebunnie member
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    I hate potluck anything. We had one at work today. I did not participate as I don't trust about 50% of my coworkers to wash their hands before handling food and based on how dirty they leave the communal kitchen I can only venture to guess their houses are so much worse.
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