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I had a total WTF moment with my students today.

bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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edited April 2014 in Not Engaged Yet
Today I guest lectured in one of my professor's classes. I talked about a few communication theories that operate in health promotion campaigns and then at the end did a discussion with the students about ethics in health campaigns. One of the ethics topics was unintentional stigmatizing of certain groups/people. I showed them an example where the focus of the ad was to get young people to stop binge drinking. The ad follows a young girl getting drunk, sleeping with a guy who appears to be her boyfriend and then he leaves her naked and alone in one of the rooms of the house and then the ad basically alludes to her getting raped. At the very end the narrator says something like "Binge drinking has consequences, are you ready for yours?" The ad is just disguising to me because it's very obviously placing blame on the rape victim because she drank too much. I showed it to a few people before the class just to make sure I wasn't reading too much into it and it was as obvious as I thought it was and they were just as appalled by the ad as I was.

Not only did my students not at all get that the ad was blaming the victim. But they also blamed the victim and said well it's mostly her fault for getting so drunk, she didn't have to drink! Basically they said all the things you should never say or even think if someone was raped. The only thing that upset them about the ad was that it showed college students binge drinking and not all college students binge drink so it stigmatizing college student.

So I had to explain to COLLEGE students that rape is NEVER the victims fault no matter what they are wearing, or drinking, or doing.

I'm pretty sure this was my face in class:

What the hell?


But in my head my reaction was:

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/what-is-your-problem.gif

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Re: I had a total WTF moment with my students today.

  • So what was their response after you tried to speak with them about this issue? Its surprising how ignorant people can be. I'd like to think as a society we've evolved in certain aspects BUT when an incident mentioned above occurs, it definitely throws me off. What scares me most about this situation is that your students choose to take part in victim blaming by supporting an ad saying that she shouldn't have drank so much. 

    Even though all the would've should've could'ves will not change the fucked up interaction between you and your students if I found myself in that position, I would've deviated from the lesson plan to play the one in four game with them (it works best on large lecture classes). The one that assigns them numbers 1-4 and have them sit down when their numbers are called, leave one number group standing, allow them to look around the room, then tell them that one in four women will be sexually assaulted during college, still think its her fault? Because you can't slap some sense into them, cuss at them, or criticize their viewpoint angrily, putting them in a situation that shows how many people are affected by rape could give them a better perspective on how often rape occurs, and how serious it is. 

    I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I respect your ability to keep cool in that situation, I'd've probably lost it. 
  • So what was their response after you tried to speak with them about this issue? Its surprising how ignorant people can be. I'd like to think as a society we've evolved in certain aspects BUT when an incident mentioned above occurs, it definitely throws me off. What scares me most about this situation is that your students choose to take part in victim blaming by supporting an ad saying that she shouldn't have drank so much. 

    Even though all the would've should've could'ves will not change the fucked up interaction between you and your students if I found myself in that position, I would've deviated from the lesson plan to play the one in four game with them (it works best on large lecture classes). The one that assigns them numbers 1-4 and have them sit down when their numbers are called, leave one number group standing, allow them to look around the room, then tell them that one in four women will be sexually assaulted during college, still think its her fault? Because you can't slap some sense into them, cuss at them, or criticize their viewpoint angrily, putting them in a situation that shows how many people are affected by rape could give them a better perspective on how often rape occurs, and how serious it is. 

    I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I respect your ability to keep cool in that situation, I'd've probably lost it. 
    I changed from my lesson plan a little bit to explain to them the implications of what they were saying and pulled up some news articles as examples but I wish I had had more time to do that type of activity. I was really thrown by their responses, I didn't expect anyone, much less the whole class, to take the view they did.

    Their response after I explained was sort like oh, okay I guess that makes sense. It seemed like a little lightbulb went off for some of them at least.


  • That is definitely a WTF moment, holy hell.  It should be noted that I SWEAR it was well advertised that rape is not the victim's fault no matter what on my college campuses.  And ya know, in any other context you're talking about rape (except apparently in that one class...)

    I had a 12 year old ask me if my boyfriend and I were planning to have any babies yet because I was getting so old.  And I mean, she fully knew we weren't even engaged at the time.  I was also like...27.  Her parents had her at 16, were as old as me, and had the worst custody issues in the world.  I was like "huh? no, no...we're not having kids yet." but inside I was like "HOLY HELL NO.  I'M NOT HAVING BABIES UNTIL I CAN AFFORD THEM." (but really, how do you have this conversation with a 12 year old?)

    In summation, because I strayed from the original topic a lot, rape is always a crime, guys.  Always.  Plusalso, it is NOT the victim's fault.  Ever. 

    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • phiraphira member
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    It's SO HARD to undo that kind of thinking.

    Part of it is that people do not like to believe that something could happen completely outside their control. It's easy, as a survivor even, to say, "I should have called for help," or, "I shouldn't have given that person the impression they could do that." It's a coping mechanism for survivors (albeit not a healthy one). When you experience a total loss of power, it's easy to get into denial trying to convince yourself that you didn't entirely lose your power (and therefore, you have the power to prevent something similar from happening again). Part of exposing rape culture is by acknowledging, "In this situation, with just perpetrators and victims, victims do not have power to contribute to their own victimization." Of course, that's leaving out a slew of bystander stuff, which comes with its own problems.

    Another part of the problem, and the reason why victim-blaming is NOT a benign side effect of rape culture, is that when we say, "Well, she shouldn't have had so much to drink," or, "Look how she was dressed, though!" or even, "To be fair, she did happily make out with him," we're not giving people helpful tips to avoid assault.

    Instead, we're making survivors feel bad that they didn't avoid assault (see part one), and, even worse, we're telling perpetrators who to victimize. Based on the three above examples, perpetrators or potential perpetrators will feel more confident preying on victims who are drunk, who are dressed in a particular way, or who have consented to other sexual activity. They know that it's more likely that the victim will blame themselves, less likely that the victim will report the assault, and more likely that other will be disbelieve or blame the victim.

    Sounds like your students need some sexual violence prevention education. UGH.
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  • In college I was consistently horrified by how ignorant my classmates (male AND female) were on this issue. High fives to you for tackling it head-on, but it sounds like they need lots more education on the subject.


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  • BreMRBreMR member
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    I go to an all woman's college and this is always such a heated conversation because we all feel so passionate about the rape blame game.  I took a class on language and it centered around how women are expected to be the passive, not as outspoken sex and that women are raised in a society to not be as assertive and if we are we're considered 'bitches' or 'bossy' yet,  women are EXPECTED to be assertive in the situation of rape...and if we don't, it's our fault for not saying "no" in an assertive way... 

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  • phiraphira member
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    @BreMR Oh, definitely. We're trained pretty hard to be SUPER polite and not turn guys down, to the point where my mom, a grown-ass independent woman who's my role model, always told men, "We should do this again sometime" at the end of dates because she didn't know how to say, "I had a nice time, thank you, good night."

    But somehow, we're supposed to feel totally comfortable and confident saying, "Hey, stop doing that, you're assaulting me.'
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  • As someone who was sexually assaulted my freshmen year of college, this reaction of blaming the victim infuriates me.  Sure, it's really easy to say that I shouldn't have done certain things with that man, but hindsight is always 20/20.   He seemed like a sweet guy at the time, we had hung out many times previously, and he actually asked me out that night.  So when we were in his room watching a movie alone, I didn't think anything was wrong with this.  We started making out once the movie ended, and suddenly I am pinned down and yelling at him to let me go.  He covered my mouth and kept going.  He had been drinking, and he passed out when he finished, still pinning me underneath him.  I woke up bleeding and with bruises all over my body.  I didn't wear makeup for months after to try to not attract attention of any other guys, and had serious trust issues with guys for a long time after this incident.

    And yet, ignorant people like these students would blame me for hanging out with someone who I thought was going to be my boyfriend.  This mindset needs to be changed, coming from a victim herself.  /rant


  • @AuroraRose41 - I'm so sorry about what happened to you and I absolutely agree that people needed to educated about this issue. I was shocked and appalled by the students' responses. But at the same time I'm glad I chose that clip so that it opened up a discussion about it that they clearly needed to engage in.


  • @bethsmiles thank you. It's still something that I don't talk about too much, but if in any way my story will help people like you educate others, then I will gladly share.  I am truly grateful that you were able to make progress with these students on the topic, and hope that you and the rest of us can do more to change the view that society has on this.

  • phiraphira member
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    @AuroraRose41 The blame is really bad. I blamed myself for being assaulted when I was younger, and it was just so suffocating. Kept telling myself, I should have pushed him away harder, I should have shouted for a counselor, I should have kicked him or something ... or even like, I shouldn't have sat with him that night, or I shouldn't have been friends with him in the first place ...

    And when it all comes down to it, this is something he chose to do to me. It's not a decision I made, and my decisions didn't leave him with no choice but to hurt me.
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  • @phira I am so sorry this happened to you too.  And I went through the same thing, telling myself how much of an idiot I was for believing that he liked me for more then just being a pretty face for him to have his way with (I'm on my work computer, so trying to keep this PG), how I was stupid for not recognizing it earlier, etc.  And I eventually came to the same realization that you had, although it took a lot longer for me to trust men again.  I think the final thing that helped me was that once I got to the point of being able to tell my now boyfriend about it, he just held me tight while I sobbed about it, promised that he would never do anything like that to me, and vowed to hurt the guy if he ever came back into my life for any reason.  It really helped me a lot to know that there truly were good guys out there too.

  • PepperallyPepperally member
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    edited April 2014

    @phira and @AuroraRose41 - I'm very sorry for both of your experiences with assault.  I witnessed my college roommate - the aftermath, wasn't there where it occurred - went to the student health center right after with her, etc. (one of those incidents...rapes...when the guy says...you were at a party, you had too much to drink, you're a flirt and you asked for it - even her boyfriend treated her that way) and I had to answer the phone in our room and screen her calls (before cell phones and caller ID, yeah I'm old) because his friends called to tell her not to press charges, that her accusations were bogus.  And it worked...she didn't.  And so she rationalized it...she rationalized her behavior so she didn't have to go through with the publicity, the threats, etc.  This is what keeps women afraid, and keeps women from actually saying they were a victim.  The repercussions they must face for bringing it to the surface...so they suffer silently.

    Even if there is a fine line, it is a line that's crossed when you feel the need to hold someone's mouth shut while you assault them, while you pin them down, while you ignore their motions or words to stop.  They know damn well what line they crossed.  And people want only clear cut evidence that the victim was a victim...

     

  • I just can't with the mentality of could've-should've with this sort of situation. How about the assailant could've-should've NOT FREAKING DONE WHAT HE KNEW HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO? Someone being drunk, physically not strong enough to push their attacker away, or caught by surprise and being too frozen to do anything in that situation - none of that has ANY effect whatsoever on the actions of the person who chooses to sexually assault somebody else. No one else can *make* you choose to hurt somebody simply by being in a vulnerable position themselves - that's all on the person who does it. I have no idea what's so hard to understand about that.

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