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Wedding Invitations & Paper
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Invite Wording

gogracegograce member
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in Wedding Invitations & Paper
My fiancé and I are graduating college in December and getting married next March. We're planning on inviting our favorite professor (who just got married for the first time this month). While she has been "Dr. Brown" the entire time we've known her, she's keeping her maiden name professionally, but will be changing it legally (and perhaps socially). 

How would I formally address her and her husband's invitation? 
Dr. Brown and Mr. Smith? Or Mr. and Dr. Smith? Or Mr. and Mrs. Smith?
Common sense tells me maybe the first option, but I just would like to know what other people might know.

Thank you for any advice!
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Re: Invite Wording

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    Doctor Jane Brown and Mr. John Smith.
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  • sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
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    You are right, doctor comes first!
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  • gogracegograce member
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    Thank you guys so much! I just wasn't sure if I should use her professional name or her married name. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    sheslikeasunburn said:
    You are right, doctor comes first!
    Nope!  It's ladies first, unless you are using "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe".
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  • sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
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    @cmgragain nope! Doctor first! At least according to what I've read.

    http://blog.crane.com/2012/02/03/wedding-etiquette-how-to-address-your-envelopes/#In-Which-Wife-is-a-Doctor
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  • sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
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    Regardless of gender
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited April 2014
    I  have read the Crane's site (which I greatly respect), but nowhere does it say "doctors first".  It shows several formats with traditional addresses. 
    My sister-in-law is a doctor, and she uses Mr. and Mrs. John Doe socially, and Doctor Mary Doe professionally.  This, like the use of Ms/Mrs./Miss, is a personal decision.  I don't think anyone would have a problem with the form I suggested.
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  • sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
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    edited April 2014
    @cmgragain regardless of which spouse is the doctor, Crane puts the doctor first. So yes, it technically is doctors first. I was not incorrect, so I'm not sure why you quipped back with a "nope". Weren't you just annoyed the other day about someone calling you out when you were, in fact, correct?

    You were wrong. Why is it so hard just to admit that? We all make goofs on here.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    It certainly does appear that he puts the doctor first in all cases, and in the case where both parties are doctors the male is listed first.  He also wrote "Dr. and Mrs." as an option though which I think is insulting if both parties are doctors.

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  • sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
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    @grumbledore yes i shook my head a bit at that one!
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    edited April 2014
    According to Emily Post: 
    "Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple 'outranks' the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first."
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    I know I will get backlash for this, but shouldn't you use what she would like to be known as socially for a wedding invite?  Rather then what she uses professionally?  Now if you were sending her correspondence regarding her profession then you would use her professional title, but when sending a wedding invite, which is a social event, then you would use her social title.  I think it comes down to what this person would like to be addressed as socially.

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  • gogracegograce member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    I know I will get backlash for this, but shouldn't you use what she would like to be known as socially for a wedding invite?  Rather then what she uses professionally?  Now if you were sending her correspondence regarding her profession then you would use her professional title, but when sending a wedding invite, which is a social event, then you would use her social title.  I think it comes down to what this person would like to be addressed as socially.
    I agree with what you're saying. I'm thinking my dilemma will arise with the fact that we both have only known her professionally. I think I will most likely use Mr. and Mrs. Married Name or Dr. Maiden Name and Mr. Married Name, depending on the relationship my fiance and i keep with her during our final semester in the fall and our post-graduation life.
    Thank you so much for your input! :)
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited April 2014
    grumbledore said:
    It certainly does appear that he puts the doctor first in all cases, and in the case where both parties are doctors the male is listed first.  He also wrote "Dr. and Mrs." as an option though which I think is insulting if both parties are doctors.
    This really isn't worth arguing.  Mr. and Mrs.= Doctor and Mrs.  When the lady uses her first name, her name is listed first.  They didn't give an example of a lady using her first name with a doctor husband.  That would be my question.  I am not certain what would be correct for this.
    I detest the use of Doctor and Mrs. to describe two married doctors!  Insulting!  I know we agree on that one.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    Lolo8383 said:
    According to Emily Post: 
    "Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple 'outranks' the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first."

    Thank you, Lolo, but I am not certain what this means.  A doctorate is an academic degree, not really a rank.  I am wondering if Emily Post is speaking of military rank?

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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    CMGragain said:
    Lolo8383 said:
    According to Emily Post: 
    "Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple 'outranks' the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first."

    Thank you, Lolo, but I am not certain what this means.  A doctorate is an academic degree, not really a rank.  I am wondering if Emily Post is speaking of military rank?

    FYI - She uses it in regards to military OR professional/educational degree.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    OK.  Thanks!  I learn new things every day. :-)
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    JoanE2012 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Lolo8383 said:
    According to Emily Post: 
    "Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple 'outranks' the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first."

    Thank you, Lolo, but I am not certain what this means.  A doctorate is an academic degree, not really a rank.  I am wondering if Emily Post is speaking of military rank?

    FYI - She uses it in regards to military OR professional/educational degree.
    Yep, this. I've seen pretty detailed lists of all kinds of scenarios for military, doctors, judges, clergy, etc and combinations therein. 

    I imagine some type of Supreme Court-esque situation where etiquette aficionados all sit in a closed room and hammer out whether or not a senator outranks a brigadier general. :-p
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    gograce said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    I know I will get backlash for this, but shouldn't you use what she would like to be known as socially for a wedding invite?  Rather then what she uses professionally?  Now if you were sending her correspondence regarding her profession then you would use her professional title, but when sending a wedding invite, which is a social event, then you would use her social title.  I think it comes down to what this person would like to be addressed as socially.
    I agree with what you're saying. I'm thinking my dilemma will arise with the fact that we both have only known her professionally. I think I will most likely use Mr. and Mrs. Married Name or Dr. Maiden Name and Mr. Married Name, depending on the relationship my fiance and i keep with her during our final semester in the fall and our post-graduation life.
    Thank you so much for your input! :)
    Well if you have only known her professionally and use that when you address her now then I would go with that on the invite.

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  • KGold80KGold80 member
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    I don't think it is appropriate for her to be addressed as Mrs. X. She earned her title. I am not a professor, but have worked in higher ed for over 10 years and I don't think any of the female faculty members I work with would appreciate being addressed as "Mrs" on a formal invitation. Just my two cents.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    edited April 2014
    KGold80 said:
    I don't think it is appropriate for her to be addressed as Mrs. X. She earned her title. I am not a professor, but have worked in higher ed for over 10 years and I don't think any of the female faculty members I work with would appreciate being addressed as "Mrs" on a formal invitation. Just my two cents.
    My DH earned his PhD.  He never wants to be addressed as Dr. though, especially in social settings.  It comes down to personal preference.  
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    JoanE2012 said:
    KGold80 said:
    I don't think it is appropriate for her to be addressed as Mrs. X. She earned her title. I am not a professor, but have worked in higher ed for over 10 years and I don't think any of the female faculty members I work with would appreciate being addressed as "Mrs" on a formal invitation. Just my two cents.
    My DH earned his PhD.  He never wants to be addressed as Dr. though, especially in social settings.  It comes down to personal preference.  
    Yeah, I would just ask her what she prefers.

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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    ezabethdurve said:
    In my view ladies name come first.Why you don't take suggestion from experts? You can simply go to <deleted> site and check the wording etiquette.
    @KnotPorscha, vendor.



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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    Viczaesar said:
    ezabethdurve said:
    In my view ladies name come first.Why you don't take suggestion from experts? You can simply go to <deleted> site and check the wording etiquette.
    @KnotPorscha, vendor.
    Sneaky one....I didn't even notice the embedded link.  
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