inviting to the bridal shower but not the wedding?

Re: inviting to the bridal shower but not the wedding?

• msuprincess04 member

  

  April 2014

  Yes. It is rude to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding. If these people aren't invited, you should probably stop talking about it around them. No one really wants to hear about an awesome party they aren't invited to. 

  "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

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• roblee08 member

  

  April 2014

  Well they ask me how my plans are going, if I found a venue/dj/cake etc...

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• climbingsingle member

  

  April 2014

  Yup, that is rude for sure. If they are not invited to the wedding, they should not be invited to any pre-wedding events, including showers and bach parties.
  And you also shouldn't be talking to them so much about your wedding if they're not invited! Don't bring it up at all.

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• emmyg65 member

  

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  That's pretty standard polite conversation. It's still rude to invite them to a celebration of an event they're not invited too. It's possible they might surprise you with a work shower (my coworkers did), but don't expect it.

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• APDSS22 member

  

  April 2014

  It's very rude to talk about your wedding to people who are not invited.  It's even more rude to invite them to a pre-wedding party without inviting them to the wedding.  It's actually even more rude to invite them to a pre-wedding party where they are expected to bring you a gift without inviting them to the wedding itself.  It basically says "you're good enough to hear about my awesome wedding celebration of me, you're good enough to buy me gifts and celebrate me, but you're not good enough to attend the event of significance where I make a huge, lifetime commitment."
  

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• s-aries8990 member

  

  April 2014

  Just keep conversations with them short and polite, then move on.
  
  Coworker: Hey Roblee, did you find a DJ yet?
  Roblee: Why yes we did! We're going with DJ Master mix. Did you catch that episode of the Americans last night! OMG!
  

   

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• Simply Fated member

  

  April 2014

  roblee08 said:

  Well they ask me how my plans are going, if I found a venue/dj/cake etc...

  They're being nice and taking an interest in your life. That's great of them.
  I would keep your answers simple. "Everything is going fine. Thank you for asking!" And then change the subject back to work or to something else.
  
  I totally understand you wanting to include them in your wedding, but the only true way to do that is to invite them to the actual wedding.
  
  You say you can't afford the 10+ people at your wedding and that's understandable. What's not understandable is you putting that cost onto your MOH. It's like saying, "I can't afford them at my wedding, but she can get the money together for them for the shower."
  
  You're also basically telling your coworkers that they're good enough to come and give you gifts for your upcoming marriage, but they can't come witness the wedding.

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  April 2014

  Yes, it's rude. The only way it wouldn't be is if THEY hosted a shower for you and invited other coworkers. Just b/c they are asking about your plans does not mean you can invite them to a shower and not the wedding. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• yellowdaisies84 member

  

  April 2014

  You can't expect someone to come to your shower and give you a present if you're not planning to invite them to the wedding. 

  "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson

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• crunchymamaof2 member

  

  April 2014

  roblee08 said:

  My MOH is putting together my bridal shower and she asked me for a list of names to send invites to. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and aren't able to afford to add the 10+ people (and their spouses) I'm fairly close with at work to the wedding guest list. I would like to include them somehow bc I've been talking about my wedding at work for the past 8 months! Is it rude to invite someone to a bridal shower but not the wedding?

  
  Who's paying is irrelevant; most everyone has a budget regardless of who's writing the checks.
  
  That said, it would be very rude and hurtful to invite them to the shower but not the wedding. It's also rude to discuss wedding plans with them as others have pointed out. If they ask it's fine to answer but I'd make it short and sweet and then change the subject.

  After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  April 2014

  What the other ladies said is correct.  They may be expecting invitations, though, based on the amount of time you spend talking about the wedding with them.  I'd cool that off a lot.  If they want to do something for you, it's on as work showers are usually exempt from the invite rule, but if they offer, you can quietly explain that you just weren't able to invite everyone you wanted , and they can decide if they still want to do it.  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  The next time one of your coworkers asks about your wedding plans, you should confide that you're uncomfortable talking about the wedding at work, because you won't be able to invite your coworkers. All the wedding talk might be leading them to think they're on your guest list.

  
  

  
  

                     

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• ShadeofGreen816 member

  

  April 2014

  This happened to me once. I had a good friend from school who was getting married. From casual, polite, (genuinely interested on my part) conversation, I knew the date of her wedding and that it was small and destination so I was not even a little offended that I wouldn't be invited. Incidentally, I had another wedding on her date. Anyway, out of the blue - about 4 months BEFORE the wedding - I get a shower invitation in the mail. Then I start thinking, "huh? I thought she wasn't inviting us (the group of 8-10 school friends in our group) to the wedding because it is too small. Weird…."

  
  

  So I go to the shower anyway, because I do like this friend and want to help her celebrate regardless of my invitation status.

  
  

  Fast forward a month or two, and a couple girls who were closer with her start getting invitations. None shows up for me. Awkward. One of our other friends, single and and invited with "and guest" casually mentioned it to the bride one day, and she was told, "Oh, I just figured since you're single you could bring SarahRN87 as your guest" WHAAAT?? All told, I found this pretty offensive and I still think about it when I talk to her, but of course, have never mentioned it to her.

  
  

  Anyway, no. Don't do it. Unless the people you work with throw you a work shower of some kind, do NOT invite them to your true shower.

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• KittyKaty20 member

  

  April 2014

  AddieL73 said:

  Yes, it's rude. The only way it wouldn't be is if THEY hosted a shower for you and invited other coworkers. Just b/c they are asking about your plans does not mean you can invite them to a shower and not the wedding. 

  
  This. I have a small group of co-workers who were all invited to the wedding, and they were all invited to the shower (but we are not close enough to invite them to the bachelorette, since my MOH said it'll be a little wild).

  Now, I play Bunco once a month with a group of 10 other gals (who have known me since I was 3 years old); we did not invite them to the wedding because of budget. They surprised me last week with a shower before our game. It was lovely and a little awkward knowing I wouldn't be celebrating our wedding day with these people-but it was their idea. If it had been mine, that would have been SUPER tacky/rude.

  

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