Partial Cash Bar?

Re: Partial Cash Bar?

• lyndausvi mod

  

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  perdonami said:

  So, I've been perusing some of the topics in the etiquette forum and developed some questions for my own reception.

  
  

  Is it rude to have an open but limited bar service?

  
  

  Every guest at my wedding is welcome to unlimited wines, beers, coffee, tea, mineral water, and other fun soft drinks but no hard liquor. Also, if hard liquor is truly desired it can be obtained downstairs at the venue's bar, but each guest will have to pay for their own hard liquor. I decided I did not want to include hard liquor for two reasons:

  
  

  1) Some of my family members are serious drinkers and can get really rowdy when intoxicated.   I can get pretty drunk on wine and beer, just saying.

  2) My mother in law is helping us pay for the wedding and I thought this would be a good way to cut down on some of the reception expenses.  

  
  

  Is not offering hard liquor but all kinds of different types of drinks considered a partial cash bar?  If the bar was in the same room it would. Since it's not even on the same floor it would not be considered a partial cash.  

  
  

   Whatever money spent on hard liquor goes straight to hotel and honestly I would prefer my guests avoid it.  I guess I don't understand this line of thinking.  It's the cost of the wine and stuff also going directly to the venue?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• manillabar member

  

  April 2014

  I think that as long as guests aren't paying for their beverages at your reception you're allowed to decide whether or not alcohol is served/what kinds are or are not served.  If the guest takes it upon themselves to go downstairs or outside or wherever else to purchase hard liquor, that's not your fault and has nothing to do with you. 

  
  

  or at least that's what i've gleaned from my lurking lol... please correct me if i'm wrong!

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• thesummersky member

  

  April 2014

  I think serving just wine and beer is fine, though I wouldn't even advertise the option to buy hard liquor. That would make it look like guests that have more money have more options and can have more fun, which would be rude.
  
  By providing beer and wine, you are being a gracious host. My hope is that your guests are gracious enough to happily and gratefully accept what is offered to them.
  
  Just my two cents. I'm sure the title of this thread will attract the etiquette pros soon enough. Happy planning to you!

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• AddieCake member

  

  April 2014

  You're fine since the bar isn't part of your reception site. Don't advertise, though.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• lc07 member

  

  April 2014

  1. People will get drunk if they want to get drunk on wine and beer. No hard liquor necessary.

  
  

  2. What you are hosting is perfectly acceptable.

  
  

  3. You cannot stop people from going downstairs to order hard liquor and pay for it themselves but you certainly should not advertise that option. There should be no liquor displayed or for sale at the bar at your wedding.

  
  

  4. I'm with @lyndausvi where I have no clue what you mean regarding the last sentence of your OP.

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• perdonami member

  

  April 2014

  Okay, I was just checking and no I will not be advertising the bar downstairs, I have just decided that they guests discover it and consume hard liquor I'm not going to let it bother me. 

  
  

  What do you guys think about asking rude and rowdy guests to leave a reception?

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• misshart00 member

  

  April 2014

  I think if you're expecting rude and rowdy people, you should hire security to escort them out.

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• perdonami member

  

  April 2014

  misshart00 said:

  I think if you're expecting rude and rowdy people, you should hire security to escort them out.

  Not expecting.. just planning for things that may come up. Better well planned than have a bunch of surprises I am not equipped to handle. I think I may feel uncomfortable with security.. Maybe just not serve alcohol. 

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• TheGrimReaper member

  

  April 2014

  perdonami said:

  Okay, I was just checking and no I will not be advertising the bar downstairs, I have just decided that they guests discover it and consume hard liquor I'm not going to let it bother me. 

  
  

  What do you guys think about asking rude and rowdy guests to leave a reception?

  We had one guest who was waaaaay too drunk, and my venue asked her to leave.  They didn't tell me until after the reception, because they didn't want it to ruin my evening. I'm sure your bartenders will be prepared to do the same.

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• crunchymamaof2 member

  

  April 2014

  It's the bartenders' job to cut people off when they've have too much. It seems like you have a very negative view of alcohol in general so maybe it would be best for you to not serve any at all. People can get just as drunk on beer and wine as they could with liquor.

  After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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• grumbledore member

  

  April 2014

  AddieL73 said:

  You're fine since the bar isn't part of your reception site. Don't advertise, though.

  This.

  
  

  

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• larrygaga member

  

  April 2014

  And you don't have to have any alcohol at your wedding. It's not etiquette-mandatory.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Alikat9614 member

  

  April 2014

  We are hosting beer and wine. Our reception is in a boutique hotel that has two bars on the first floor. If someone really, really wanted liquor, they could go down and purchase it. We will not be advertising it and are thinking even our vodka drinking friends will be plenty content with our selections of beer and wine (since it is provided). We chose to have only beer and wine since it's what we can afford to properly host.

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• SomethingBeautiful08 member

  

  April 2014

  Lets give the OP a break, what she is planning is good and it is perfectly normal to worry about things that probably won't be an issue like roundy guests.  I would voice your concerns to you DOC or whoever is organizing your venue at the hotel.  If they have bars, and host events they are probably well versed on how to deal with folks that might behave bady or have to much to drink.  It will be ok.
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  April 2014

  You can do that since the bar will not be in your reception area.

  
  

  But as PPs have noted, don't advertise that it's there.

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• lc07 member

  

  April 2014

  Our venue required us to hire security. You can also tell the bartender that you are concerned about guests drinking to excess and to please use his or her judgement and cut people off from the bar if need be. As a licensed bartender, that is their job and obligation.

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• AddieCake member

  

  April 2014

  SomethingBeautiful08 said:

  Lets give the OP a break, what she is planning is good and it is perfectly normal to worry about things that probably won't be an issue like roundy guests.
  

  I don't see the point of this. You make it sound like she was jumped on, and she wasn't. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• Rebl90 member

  

  April 2014

  AddieL73 said:

  SomethingBeautiful08 said:

  Lets give the OP a break, what she is planning is good and it is perfectly normal to worry about things that probably won't be an issue like roundy guests.
  

  I don't see the point of this. You make it sound like she was jumped on, and she wasn't. 

  Yeah, I don't see how anyone needs to give her a break, everyone is telling her that she is holding to wedding etiquette and not doing anything wrong.  If she is seriously concerned with ROWDY guests, then she needs to discuss things with the bartenders/venue and think about security.  If she doesn't want to do that then she doesn't need to serve alcohol. It's really not a complicated situation.

  
  

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• melbenso member

  

  April 2014

  FI and I are dealing with the same thing.  We were planning a limited open bar (beer, wine, and soft drinks) at our reception simply because of costs, but the hotel has a bar downstairs that guests could theoretically go to to get liquor if they wanted.  I was a little concerned about the etiquette implications, but figured it was beyond my control if a guest decided to go downstairs to get a drink we weren't offering at the reception.
  
  Thanks to my amazing parents, I don't have to worry about this anymore.  My mother offered to cover part of our bar expenses over the weekend so that we could have a full open bar at the reception.
  

  

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• perdonami member

  

  April 2014

  Thanks for all the responses, and @somethingbeautiful08, I can tell you're very kind-hearted person and appreciate your advice. 

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