my friend wants a PPD...

Re: my friend wants a PPD...

• MobKaz member

  

  April 2014

  Snickrsgirl said:

  Hey guys, just wondered what your thoughts were on this particular situation.. 

  
  

  A good friend of mine wants me to be her MOH. Yay! But then she says only for her courthouse wedding and not her "ceremony" (as she calls it) 

  because during the ceremony she wants her long time best friend to be MOH.  She wants two weddings because they cannot afford the "dress and all the other stuff" yet but her F wants to call her his wife already.  I suggested having a simple, casual, outdoor wedding with a few simple decorations (that i offered to pay for becuse im really creative and can come up with decorations for almost nothing) and having like a potluck/ BBQ reception but they are dead set against it because everyone they want to be there cant be there for a few more years. (We live in Alaska) 

  AtM they are having a hard enough time coming of with the money for a courthouse wedding so atm anything else is almost out of the question. I feel like just doing what she wants because she is a super nice person and i don't want to be the one to tell her that a PPD is hella rude. 

  What are your thoughts fellow Knotties?? 

  She sounds ill prepared to be married.  It sounds as if she wants you to be her MOH for her upcoming courthouse wedding.  It sounds as if she will select a different girl to be MOH at her "envisioned" PPD that won't happen for "a few more years".

  
  

  If that is correct, there is nothing wrong with being a witness at her upcoming courthouse wedding.  You technically have the more "honored" role since you will be attending her actual marriage ceremony.  Who knows if or when she may or may not ever have the PPD.

  
  

  Suggesting she have a potluck reception now following the courthouse ceremony was poor advice.  You do not ask guests to bring food to a wedding reception.  The wedding reception is meant to thank the guests for attending the ceremony.  

  
  

  Your friend and her FI need to grow up and make grown up decisions.  Can't he just make "wifey" her nickname until they have the funds, and maturity to be married properly?

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• CMGragain member

  

  April 2014

  I would decline the "honor".  Do her a favor and tell her the truth.
  

  

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• Snickrsgirl member

  

  April 2014

  Yea she does want to switch to a different MOH at the PPD some time who knows when down the line.  

  I am very honored to be the MOH at the courthouse wedding because I think thats the REAL one and the other is well... a PPD.  After all thats the day that the LGBT is fighting so hard for right? 

  They have been living as HandW for a long time, I don't think waiting till they get to a better place financially is a good suggestion because progress as been stagnant for the last decade. I think that considering their situation they should just have the courtroom wedding and be done with it because thats the real thing anyway and the rest is out of budget.  its just so hard to tell her that! 

  Yea now i do realize suggesting a pot luck is poor advice. 

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• hyechica81 member

  

  April 2014

  if they have a court room wedding and some people are invited they should provide cake and punch after
  

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• Snickrsgirl member

  

  April 2014

  Thats a really good suggestion Ill tell her that. 

  
  

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  April 2014

  I'd probably operate on the assumption that the PPD will never happen, and just help her make the courtroom wedding as nice as you can.

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• s-aries8990 member

  

  April 2014

  Um, so she wants you to be her friend for the private one, but not for the "public" one? On those grounds alone I'd decline. I'd just tell her that hosting a re-do is in bad form and that because they're having a tough time with money as it is, just have a small courthouse wedding with cake and punch afterwards. Get married at 2pm. Chat and mingle and cake till 4:30. It'll cost, what like MAYBE $300 IF she gets some sandwiches and beer too.
  

   

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2014

  My niece ended up doing something similar, but luckily by time they got around to having their church ceremony with all their family & friends, they changed it from their wedding to their vow renewal. They also didn't do a full traditional wedding ceremony, it was causal with a back yard BBQ and a beautiful vow renewal with family and friends.

  I would go to the courthouse if you want to & be her MOH because if they are having a hard time coming up with the money for a courthouse wedding, who knows if they will ever have the money for a bigger vow renewal ceremony.

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• manateehugger member

  

  April 2014

  I'd personally turn down her offer because she apparently thinks you aren't worthy to be MOH for her "real" ceremony. What the hell is that? You're good enough to be there at the private wedding, but for the big party for appearances, she wants someone else? Yeah, no.
  
  Otherwise, I agree with PP's; host a nice cake and punch reception after the ceremony. I'd encourage her to look into doing a huge anniversary party instead of a PPD in a few years. She can play dress up, cut cake, toast her husband, and have a ball.
  

  

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• Snickrsgirl member

  

  April 2014

  Hey guys, 

  Thanks so much for the helpful responses!! UPDATE: Me and another friend actually talked her out of the courtroom wedding because we are all kinda pitching in (either with a little money of personal resources) to give her a very nice and simple ceremony by the lake this summer.  I guess taking a step back and really seeing all our options really helped everyone.  All is well and happy now! 

  Thanks again  

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• Snickrsgirl member

  

  April 2014

  Oh and to ad.. the other surpposingly MOH isn't invited anymore because she is just to far away. funny how things work out huh? 

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