Military JOP Wedding and Ceremony and Reception When He Returns

moorel19 · April 2014

I was just curious as to whether any other military brides had experience getting married at the JOP before deployement and then having a more traditional ceremony and reception when he returns? We are only allowing our parents and siblings to be at the JOP. Thanks for any advice/experience!

Jells2dot0 · April 2014

If you would like to get married prior to deployment, there is certainly nothing wrong with that! If you'd like to have a celebration when he returns, there is nothing wrong with that. It would be fun! However, it is not appropriate to have another ceremony and call it a wedding. Your wedding is when you get married, which in your case, is the JOP ceremony. I recommend getting married at the JOP, having a nice lunch/dinner with your guests afterwards, and then upon his return, host a party with a meal, drinks, dancing, and cake to celebrate your marriage. Just do not do any typical wedding things, like wear a dress, re-enact your vows, have a wedding party, or do any tosses.

HaileyDancingbear · April 2014

I'm with Jells2dot0, Pick either or- small JOP ceremony before, or big traditional wedding after?

Your JOP ceremony is your wedding day. Having a ceremony afterwards is just a fancy play with a white dress- as you are ALREADY married. Saying the JOP isn't your real wedding is ridiculous- you get the real government benefits, and it's also extremely belittling to anyone who chose to go the JOP route rather than a full blown ceremony- do you intend to say their marriage isn't real because they didn't have a fancy ceremony? (Of course I realize in your OP you said nothing about a "Real" or "Not real" wedding, so don't feel that this is 100% aimed at you and what you said- I'm just bringing up some common explanations/ confusions we see often on these boards and offering a little explanation as to why it is considered rude/disrespectful to get married, then have another ceremony later- as sometimes people don't intend to be rude, they just don't realize how their actions could be perceived as rude.)

But note that the whole rude/disrespectful part is getting legally married, then having a ceremony where you read the vows/pretend to get married again (As you would be a WIFE reading vows, not a BRIDE) so if you wanted to do a JOP ceremony now, then just a reception later, that would be ok. You can celebrate the marriage all you want, just don't read the vows again and acknowledge the fact that after the JOP, you are married.

CMGragain · April 2014

It doesn't have to be a JOP ceremony. You can have a religious ceremony with close family and friends, and a reception afterwards. You can have a civil ceremony in your parents' home or backyard with a picnic reception. It isn't that hard to plan. You can buy a gown off the rack like I did. David's Bridal sells gowns that way, or you can order online from them after trying on some styles.
You can also have a party to welcome home your husband, but it won't be part of your wedding. It cannot be a wedding reception because you will not be a bride. It would be silly and AWish to wear your wedding dress when it is not your wedding day.
Get going and plan a wedding that will make you happy. Invitations can be printed from a kit on your home printer. Cake and punch is perfectly proper for your reception. If you are religious, your church can help you pull this together.
You can always have a huge Welcome Home party with dancing and open bar when he comes back. Just don't try to turn it into a wedding reception. Re-do fake ceremonies are icky, tacky, and horrible, and some people WILL criticize you behind your back..

QueerFemme · April 2014

You should read the sticky about ppds on the etiquette board. This applies to you. If you get married before the deployment. You are already married and there is no need for a do - over.

ccw9p · April 2014

Damn, you are getting a lot of hate on here, and I just wanted to say: do what works for you and your loved ones. This includes JOP alone, JOP then separate ceremony, what kind of party you want to have, everything. As long as you are inclusive and loving, I honestly think that you will be fine. Do know that some people will criticize you no matter what you do. From my point of view, the workings of the military often cramps our plans, and we have to do what we can to make important celebrations happen and have our family and friends around us.

manateehugger · April 2014

ccw9p said:

Damn, you are getting a lot of hate on here, and I just wanted to say: do what works for you and your loved ones. This includes JOP alone, JOP then separate ceremony, what kind of party you want to have, everything. As long as you are inclusive and loving, I honestly think that you will be fine. Do know that some people will criticize you no matter what you do. From my point of view, the workings of the military often cramps our plans, and we have to do what we can to make important celebrations happen and have our family and friends around us.

I agree with the bolded, but I don't agree that this means you can be deceptive to the military and your guests. You can plan a wedding on one date before a deployment; I've seen it done time and again. You can also get married now, because I personally understand the desire to be married pre-deployment, and then have a blow out party later to celebrate your marriage.

OP, if you've got more than a few months, you can put together a wedding. Look for parks or other public venues that will let you book quickly. Explain the situation to vendors to see what they can do for you. Vendors in my experience try to be very accommodating to military couples when they can. The last pre-deployment rushed wedding I went to was in a pavilion by a lake in a local park. The ceremony was beautiful, and they served delicious BBQ for the reception. It can be done, you just have to stay flexible.

If you don't have the time and want to be married before he leaves, do the JOP wedding and use the planning of a one year anniversary party to keep yourself busy until he gets home safely.

And no on is hating on her. No one. She asked for advice, and she got it.

HaileyDancingbear · April 2014

ccw9p said:

Damn, you are getting a lot of hate on here, and I just wanted to say: do what works for you and your loved ones. This includes JOP alone, JOP then separate ceremony, what kind of party you want to have, everything. As long as you are inclusive and loving, I honestly think that you will be fine. Do know that some people will criticize you no matter what you do. From my point of view, the workings of the military often cramps our plans, and we have to do what we can to make important celebrations happen and have our family and friends around us.

I'd have to count you as one of those people given that you're saying this person is getting "Hate" when absolutely NO ONE on this thread is being even remotely hateful.

All we're doing is giving advice for a question someone asked. But I guess no matter what, someone's always going to complain.

Military JOP Wedding and Ceremony and Reception When He Returns

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