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Destination Weddings

Guests complaining about cost?? How to deal...

Hello fellow brides!!

Is anyone having issues with guests complaining about the cost of their DW? Our friends are great, they love vacations and to travel so no issues there, it's more family members. My fiance's sister and boyfriend don't work and just had a baby so they have been suggesting that they can't afford it and my aunt called my mom the other day to say it is too expensive and there is no way they can make the wedding. On a side note my aunt and uncle filed bankruptcy a few years ago and then went on an AI vacation to Mexico with their 2 kids. What's a nice way to say, it's not my problem?? lol

Help!! I am trying to be nice but it's getting on my nerves...

Re: Guests complaining about cost?? How to deal...

  • I've been saying something like "well, we'd love to have you there, but totally understand if the expense is too much. We'll just look forward to celebrating with you after we get back!"
    divadancer11
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Latillo said:

    Hello fellow brides!!

    Is anyone having issues with guests complaining about the cost of their DW? Our friends are great, they love vacations and to travel so no issues there, it's more family members. My fiance's sister and boyfriend don't work and just had a baby so they have been suggesting that they can't afford it and my aunt called my mom the other day to say it is too expensive and there is no way they can make the wedding. On a side note my aunt and uncle filed bankruptcy a few years ago and then went on an AI vacation to Mexico with their 2 kids. What's a nice way to say, it's not my problem?? lol

    Help!! I am trying to be nice but it's getting on my nerves...

    There's really nothing to deal with. While they don't really need to tell you their financial woes, it's their way of saying that they'd like to be there, but they just can't. Just tell them, "I'm sorry that you can't make it. We'll miss you". When you plan a destination wedding, you have to expect that  many, many people will be priced out of it. You're not wrong for planning it, and they're not wrong for declining.
    indianaalum
  • I agree with everyone else.  We are getting married in Hawaii because our families live in the US and New Zealand.  Hawaii is the most central point.  People are complaining about the location and we've just said "we would love for you to make it, but completely understand that everyone can't make it."
    We actually did a wedding website and put those exact words up.  You won't please everyone so don't try.  Just plan what you want and enjoy the day!

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    When you plan a DW, you make a compromise. You have to expect that people can't afford to go, people don't have vacation time, or people would rather spend their money on other things. You cannot dictate to anyone, maybe other than your FI, how to spend money! You also cannot dictate how people spend their vacation time. If these people are your VIPs, then you should have run the idea of a DW past them prior to making your plans. If they were VIPs and they couldn't come, then your plan should have been to marry closer to home or you should have offered to pay for their travel. If they are not VIPs, then you have to do what the other posters suggested- state that you are sorry they cannot make it and you hope to se them upon your return.

     







    indianaalum
  • I would say that you need to tell people this is what you what for your wedding day and this is what would make it truly special for you and your FI.  I've said to people when they say they cant come because of schedule/cost, I tell them something like: I understand I'm asking alot of everyone and understand if you can't come, but this is what we wanted to do.  We wanted to give everyone the opportunity to come. 

    That is typically what I say, family members more so don't understand why I'm going away to get married, but in the end its what is going to make you happy.
    nanz95301
  • There's really nothing to deal with. While they don't really need to tell you their financial woes, it's their way of saying that they'd like to be there, but they just can't. Just tell them, "I'm sorry that you can't make it. We'll miss you". When you plan a destination wedding, you have to expect that  many, many people will be priced out of it. You're not wrong for planning it, and they're not wrong for declining.
     
    THIS...THIS AND THIS!!!!  :-)  Great advice Blue_Bird!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Blue_Bird
  • Thanks ladies!! I'll go with the "We'd love for you to come, but completely understand if you can't!" Sounds good to me...

    And I was never implying that I was trying to tell someone how to spend their money, it was more the fact that people are trying to make us feel guilty because THEY can't make it. I've even had people suggest we choose somewhere "more affordable". I just think that's pretty rude. All of our parents and bridal party are super excited as well as my siblings and most of my family so we are happy with that! :) Thanks again for the suggestions!

    ooo3e
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited April 2014

    We made a list of our "must have" guests for our wedding (mainly parents & siblings).  We coordinated with all of them before booking anything.  Once we knew that our "must have" people were on board and would be there, we were okay if others wouldn't be able to make it.  Yes, there are people we would like to come, but it wouldn't leave us heartbroken if they weren't there or ruin our wedding (like it would if one of our parents weren't there). Our attendance looks like it will be about 25% of invited.  Less than we had expected, but we are okay with that, because we know the important people will be there. We have had several people say they would like to come but it just isn't feasible for them. 

    We just respond like others have suggested and say that it would have been wonderful to have them there, they will be missed, but we completely understand. This is the wedding we wanted for ourselves. We understand that means there are some sacrifices that come with that choice, one being that many of our friends and family won't be able to attend. But, we appreciate their love and support, even if they aren't able to join us at the wedding. For a few, we have explained further that since we have family spread all across country, we decided to have our wedding in the middle (New Orleans), rather than favoring one side over the other.

    image 

  • Latillo I have a very similar situation to you. My DW is in Italy and a lot of people have to travel from Australia which is expensive. My Aunt flagged early on that her family won't be attending, which is disappointing since I have a very small family. They too go on lots of lots of holidays (which is suspect) but I don't dwell on it. In planning a DW wedding we didn't expect everyone would be in a position to attend, but we also wanted to celebrate the day as we wished. My best friend is not attending as she is saving for a house - which is disappointing - but I totally get it.
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    FI and I decided early on who was on our "Must Attend" list.  This list came out to about 15 people, including our parents, siblings, best man, and MOH (plus all spouses & kids). These are the people we would be absolutely heartbroken if they weren't at our wedding. We talked to these people when trying to decide on our wedding plan. If any of these people weren't able to go, we would consider changing the wedding plan, even if that meant giving up on destination wedding that we wanted.  Beyond that, we were okay if nobody else came.  Yeah, we wish they could come, but it wouldn't ruin our day and we weren't willing to change plans for them.  Doing this made things SO MUCH EASIER.  We had given ourselves permission to be okay with people not coming.  If people tried to guilt us over them not being able to attend, it didn't bother us, because we had already decided that it was okay if they couldn't come.  There were a few that we really wanted there, but not so much that we would forever regret them not being there, so it was okay if they didn't come. In my opinion, the best thing you can do for yourself (and your stress level), is to really sit down, list who your "must have" people are, then really tell yourself that it is okay if not one other person is able to come and that you won't allow yourself to feel guilty if anyone else can't come. You can choose how you feel and you have the right to not feel bad about choosing a wedding that works for you.

    The only "must have" person that had cost issues with us was best man. We are having our wedding on a cruise ship. The plan was for all of our "must haves" to join us on the cruise and we wanted to do wedding at sea. We chose a few itineraries and luckily everyone chose the same option as their favorite. Initially best man had said it wouldn't be problem to come, even after we gave him cost estimate. But, that was before he ran it by his wife and they really calculated the costs. When he said he couldn't go on cruise, we adjusted the plan to have wedding at port before the ship left, so best man could come to wedding without going on the cruise. It's still 1,000 miles from home, but he is able to fly in for the weekend to attend the wedding. To further help with his expenses, we decided to pay for his suit.

    Beyond our "must haves", it looks like we will really only have 6-8 people come to our wedding.  And that is okay.  I honestly don't feel bad about that, even if they try to make me feel guilty.

     

    image 

  • Thanks again for all of your opinions! We are inviting between 60-65 people and I think we will end up having around 35-40 which is a great size I think! Almost all of my family is going (we only invited aunts and uncles) and about half of our close friends we invited, and some of my FI's family.

    We are happy with who comes and like you all said, as long as our must haves are there we are super blessed! I consider myself lucky to be having my dream wedding in Mexico :)

    princessleia22
  • I just LOVE having this community to come to for support!!  I was starting to feel guilty about my DW in Key West. I keep telling myself this is what we wanted & years from now when we reflect about the beautiful sunset wedding on the beach we had we will have no regrets :-)  The only complaints I have gotten are from family & I have very small family of about 9. I knew from the beginning some would not come. sent out SD cards 12 months in advance. invites 6 months. Its 5 wks before the wedding & they are just now looking & flghts & hotels. LOL!!  I'm down to four only coming. But I'm not going to stress about it we have beautiful & fun weekend planned. I totally agree & love thi  Lwaryjas comment .. So Happy I got on this site this am!!
    Lwaryjas said:
    I would say that you need to tell people this is what you what for your wedding day and this is what would make it truly special for you and your FI.  I've said to people when they say they cant come because of schedule/cost, I tell them something like: I understand I'm asking alot of everyone and understand if you can't come, but this is what we wanted to do.  We wanted to give everyone the opportunity to come. 

    That is typically what I say, family members more so don't understand why I'm going away to get married, but in the end its what is going to make you happy.

  • @nanz95301 Don't feel guilty about doing what you and your fiance want! I keep telling myself, this is our day and I have never told anyone else my opinions on THEIR day! I always support the bride and groom because that's what a good family member or friend does. It's funny too because we have been dating for 7 years and always said we were getting married in Mexico, not sure why people were surprised when we did what we had said we were going to lol.

    I went to my friends DW in Key Largo last year and it was amazing! Hope you have a great time, congrats on the start of an amazing life with your new hubby :)

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