NWR- Invitation to a birthday party...I'm side eyeing

Chipmunk415 · April 2014

I'll admit it. Watching the shitstorm of @SaraBrideSoon 's FI's former friend and the friend's fiance here on etiquette is making me snarkier than usual today (or it could be the rain with tornado watch outside, who knows).

ANYWAYS, DH just forwarded me an evite he received. For a Bday party. For a soon to be 1 year old. At 7 pm at night on a Saturday. Holy Saturday, to be exact. As in, the day before Easter Sunday. At 7 pm, going till 10 pm. I am side eyeing the bejeezus out of this thing.

1) It's not the child's fault that her birthday falls on Easter weekend. But do they have to have the party at 7 pm at night?!

2) What one year old enjoys being up from 7 pm till 10 pm at night with noise, strange people, etc? The Jedi in me senses a disturbance in the Force of epic proportions that night.

3) I've never met these people. I believe one of them is a former coworker or classmate of DH (the mother). The party is being held at the local Hindu temple. I've never been to the temple, have never attended a Hindu celebration. I'd be interested in attending, experiencing their traditional practices for the celebration. But I'm still dumbfounded by the 7 pm start time.

So, if we go- any suggestions as to a traditional, appropriate birthday gift for a one year old girl at a Hindu temple? Anyone know any traditions that usually occur in such celebrations, so I have some idea of what might be going on, ie, a ceremonial activity of particular religious/spiritual significance?

Anyone else side eyeing a 7 pm birthday celebration start time for an almost one year old?

sarawifenow · April 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

I'll admit it. Watching the shitstorm of @SaraBrideSoon 's FI's former friend and the friend's fiance here on etiquette is making me snarkier than usual today (or it could be the rain with tornado watch outside, who knows).
ANYWAYS, DH just forwarded me an evite he received. For a Bday party. For a soon to be 1 year old. At 7 pm at night on a Saturday. Holy Saturday, to be exact. As in, the day before Easter Sunday. At 7 pm, going till 10 pm. I am side eyeing the bejeezus out of this thing.
1) It's not the child's fault that her birthday falls on Easter weekend. But do they have to have the party at 7 pm at night?!
2) What one year old enjoys being up from 7 pm till 10 pm at night with noise, strange people, etc? The Jedi in me senses a disturbance in the Force of epic proportions that night.
3) I've never met these people. I believe one of them is a former coworker or classmate of DH (the mother). The party is being held at the local Hindu temple. I've never been to the temple, have never attended a Hindu celebration. I'd be interested in attending, experiencing their traditional practices for the celebration. But I'm still dumbfounded by the 7 pm start time.

So, if we go- any suggestions as to a traditional, appropriate birthday gift for a one year old girl at a Hindu temple? Anyone know any traditions that usually occur in such celebrations, so I have some idea of what might be going on, ie, a ceremonial activity of particular religious/spiritual significance?
Anyone else side eyeing a 7 pm birthday celebration start time for an almost one year old?

I am side eyeing the shit out of this! It sounds like the party is more for the parents than for the child. 7-10pm? For a 1 year old? I can't.

JCbride2015 · April 2014

I would side-eye the start time, but not the date. If they don't celebrate Easter, they probably didn't even realize. I would be totally unaware if I planned a party on a Hindu holiday.

But that is not going to be a happy kid by 10pm.

beharrington · April 2014

Just a quick google search made it seem like first birthdays are a big deal for Hindus. Could be wrong though.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

My SO's family is not Hindu, but they frequently throw birthday parties for the children in the family with times like this. The last one we went to went something like this:

- Baby's first birthday, Fri. February 14th (yep, Valentine's Day. This was the baby's actual birthday, too)
- Invitation says 7p-10p
- We arrive at 7:55p and find no other cars in the parking lot of the function hall
- SO calls his brother, the baby's father, at 8p. Brother says "Why are you there?? The party doesn't start til 10!"
- We go inside at 8:05 to use the restroom. Inside, birthday girl is sitting pretty in a high chair while her mom finishes setting up balloons, food stations, etc. We help her, because she's the only there setting up for a party that was supposed to start an hour earlier.
- Other family members start showing up around 8:30, 8:45.
- SO's brother finally shows up around 9:30.
- Party is underway, we all sing happy birthday and cut the cake around 10:30
- Function hall shuts everything down and makes everyone go home at 11:30

If this party were to be held at someone's house, it wouldn't end until well after midnight. This is just the way my SO's family is, and this is a typical timeline. Yes it drives me crazy.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

I wouldn't side-eye the date, because if they're not Christian, it's not an important date to them.

I ditto beharrington that it appears that this is an important birthday for Hindus.

I do think 7p is a stupidly late start time, though. That poor kid is going to be fried.

mysticl · April 2014

Well, 7pm is bedtime for my 19 moth old. It does get pushed back sometimes because life happens but I would never schedule something to start at 7.

Couggal12 · April 2014

The date thing doesn't bother me either like PP said but, the time...what the hell? Most of my friend's kids who are that age go to bed between 7-8 PM. Talk about dealing with a cranky 1 year old.

KeptInStitches · April 2014

Side-eying the time. Stay safe, Chipmunk!

Simply Fated · April 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

I'll admit it. Watching the shitstorm of @SaraBrideSoon 's FI's former friend and the friend's fiance here on etiquette is making me snarkier than usual today (or it could be the rain with tornado watch outside, who knows).
ANYWAYS, DH just forwarded me an evite he received. For a Bday party. For a soon to be 1 year old. At 7 pm at night on a Saturday. Holy Saturday, to be exact. As in, the day before Easter Sunday. At 7 pm, going till 10 pm. I am side eyeing the bejeezus out of this thing.
1) It's not the child's fault that her birthday falls on Easter weekend. But do they have to have the party at 7 pm at night?!
2) What one year old enjoys being up from 7 pm till 10 pm at night with noise, strange people, etc? The Jedi in me senses a disturbance in the Force of epic proportions that night.
3) I've never met these people. I believe one of them is a former coworker or classmate of DH (the mother). The party is being held at the local Hindu temple. I've never been to the temple, have never attended a Hindu celebration. I'd be interested in attending, experiencing their traditional practices for the celebration. But I'm still dumbfounded by the 7 pm start time.

So, if we go- any suggestions as to a traditional, appropriate birthday gift for a one year old girl at a Hindu temple? Anyone know any traditions that usually occur in such celebrations, so I have some idea of what might be going on, ie, a ceremonial activity of particular religious/spiritual significance?
Anyone else side eyeing a 7 pm birthday celebration start time for an almost one year old?

To the bolded part.... not everyone is Christian. Catholic weddings are sometimes held on Yom Kippur. Jewish anniversary parties are sometimes held on Ramadan. And sometimes Hindu birthday parties are held on (or near) Easter. It happens. It sucks, but it is what it is. If it's inconvenient for you to attend, then just decline.

The start time seems late to me, but I did a quick google search and from what I read, the focus on the birthdays are more on the parents than the children.
Another search on google shows that services run late on the weekends, so that could be another reason for the late start time.

ETA: ANother google search didn't turn up much about what to get the kid. I would guess what you would get for a kid of any other culture or religion? I tend to go for the books. Boardbooks that aren't as easily destructible or pretty picture books. If the parents annoy me, I go for toys that make loud, repetitive noises. If the kid is cute, I'll throw in an adorable clothing item, like little soft shoes or something.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

My ex boyfriend if Hindu. The first birthday is an extremely important one to them. I wouldn't side eye the date or time. It does seem late but a lot of times it is difficult to get use of the Temple during the day. Just buy the kid a toy or something like that. My ex always bought the kids toys for their first birthdays.

KittyKaty20 · April 2014

I have worked at a children's play & learn center for 5 years now, and we also offer birthday parties on the weekends to non-members. The latest start time we generally offer is 4pm, ending at 5:30pm.

I did a 1st birthday for an Indian family and they requested a start time of 6pm. Then they ended up paying for 1 1/2 overtime and I didn't leave until 11pm. There were so many adults there-WAY more than kids-and it was almost at fire safety capacity in that room!

The birthday boy was passed around from adult to adult, hardly played at all, while the older kids bounced off the walls. At least they shared their delicious food with me...

So I would think the later start time is more cultural than anything else.

Jen4948 · April 2014

If they're celebrating at a Hindu temple, chances are they are not Christian and do not celebrate Easter. That's "who the bejeezus" they are, and they are still entitled to invite Christians.

Also, that time frame may work best for them, even if it doesn't work for you.

If that date and time don't work for you, just decline without the judgment.

mysticl · April 2014

If I don't know something specific the child wants I get art supplies. They are gender neutral, educational, fun, and it doesn't matter if they already have some because they get used up.

faeriedust101 · April 2014

I wouldn't think anything of it. FH and I went to a friend of his's child's first birthday party who is Korean and it was the same thing. It started around 7 and was more for the adults then the kids. Its a culture thing.

lyndausvi · April 2014

I am side eyeing the bejeezus out of you right now. Well except the time. I find the time to be a little late, but hey, what do I know?

The other stuff? Since when do non-Christians need to plan their birthday parties around Christian holidays? If you can't make it you can't make it. No big deal, I'm sure they will understand it's Holy Saturday for YOU. Just like you would understand a non-chrstian maybe missing something you plan because of their own holiday.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

I Facebook messages my ex to ask him about the time and he said it is traditional for Hindu birthday parties to be in the evening.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

I dated a clown/magician (don't ask) who often performed at birthday parties for Arabic families, and they were always huge, adult-centric events that went late. Totally a cultural thing that celebrates the parents along with the baby (which I kinda like...you've survived the kid's infancy in one piece! That's a big deal!)

Chipmunk415 · April 2014

ok, to clarify a few things..

I admitted right off the bat I was being snarky. It is not the child's fault her birthday falls during Easter weekend. My older niece's birthday also often falls during Easter weekend. Mine falls at Thanksgiving, and my Uncle's is on Christmas Day.

I should probably also mention the city I live in is very Southern Christian. This isn't to say that there aren't other religious groups in the area, but this is a city that gives administrative time off around predominantly Christian holidays (ie, come in for at most half of the day on Good Friday or Christmas Eve, and that's in gov't offices- private companies regularly give off extra time beyond that). I don't expect the parents to cater their daughter's birthday celebration around holidays they don't celebrate, but I am a tad bit surprised they didn't consider the possiblity of a lot of the folks in the area they are inviting having family plans for that weekend already in place. But hey, it's their show.

What did bother me was the late start time. From what I'm hearing (thank you @jdluvr06 !) 1st birthdays are a big deal, and evening birthday celebrations are common. Good to know, I don't know much about Hindu culture (which is why I started asking about what is an appropriate cultural gift for the party at their temple, and whether there might be any rituals that I should familiarize myself with to better understand their significance in the celebration).

But really, a birthday party from 7 to 10 pm for an almost 1 year old? To me, that is really late to have the child up, and unfair to the little girl. Since receipt of the e-vite, DH has had contact with the mother (he previously helped her get a job a few years ago, there's been occasional text contact since that time), and feedback is that the party is more for the parents than for the child. (I'm hoping the kid has a quiet area where she can relax)

I've told DH if he wants us to attend, it is his call. Like I said, never met these people, had no idea who they were until DH clarified for me.

SKPM · April 2014

Sounds like they just have different cultural customs than you (with regard to 1st birthday parties and start times). Perhaps they're inviting a lot of family, local or otherwise, and the majority of invited guests will see the event as totally "normal" - for lack of a better term. It doesn't sound like they're doing anything rude toward guests, just planning a culturally significant event that you're not familiar with. Either go with an open mind or decline the invitation.

rajahmd · April 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

ok, to clarify a few things..
I admitted right off the bat I was being snarky. It is not the child's fault her birthday falls during Easter weekend. My older niece's birthday also often falls during Easter weekend. Mine falls at Thanksgiving, and my Uncle's is on Christmas Day.
I should probably also mention the city I live in is very Southern Christian. This isn't to say that there aren't other religious groups in the area, but this is a city that gives administrative time off around predominantly Christian holidays (ie, come in for at most half of the day on Good Friday or Christmas Eve, and that's in gov't offices- private companies regularly give off extra time beyond that). I don't expect the parents to cater their daughter's birthday celebration around holidays they don't celebrate, but I am a tad bit surprised they didn't consider the possiblity of a lot of the folks in the area they are inviting having family plans for that weekend already in place. But hey, it's their show.
What did bother me was the late start time. From what I'm hearing (thank you @jdluvr06 !) 1st birthdays are a big deal, and evening birthday celebrations are common. Good to know, I don't know much about Hindu culture (which is why I started asking about what is an appropriate cultural gift for the party at their temple, and whether there might be any rituals that I should familiarize myself with to better understand their significance in the celebration).
But really, a birthday party from 7 to 10 pm for an almost 1 year old? To me, that is really late to have the child up, and unfair to the little girl. Since receipt of the e-vite, DH has had contact with the mother (he previously helped her get a job a few years ago, there's been occasional text contact since that time), and feedback is that the party is more for the parents than for the child. (I'm hoping the kid has a quiet area where she can relax)
I've told DH if he wants us to attend, it is his call. Like I said, never met these people, had no idea who they were until DH clarified for me.

I think you're still off base and being unnecessarily judgy. Just because you live in a predominantly Christian area doesn't mean that people who aren't Christian have to plan their lives around your holidays. Get over it.

And maybe you should consider researching the culture before bitching about it in the future.

winelover123 · April 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

ok, to clarify a few things..
I admitted right off the bat I was being snarky. It is not the child's fault her birthday falls during Easter weekend. My older niece's birthday also often falls during Easter weekend. Mine falls at Thanksgiving, and my Uncle's is on Christmas Day.
I should probably also mention the city I live in is very Southern Christian. This isn't to say that there aren't other religious groups in the area, but this is a city that gives administrative time off around predominantly Christian holidays (ie, come in for at most half of the day on Good Friday or Christmas Eve, and that's in gov't offices- private companies regularly give off extra time beyond that). I don't expect the parents to cater their daughter's birthday celebration around holidays they don't celebrate, but I am a tad bit surprised they didn't consider the possiblity of a lot of the folks in the area they are inviting having family plans for that weekend already in place. But hey, it's their show.
What did bother me was the late start time. From what I'm hearing (thank you @jdluvr06 !) 1st birthdays are a big deal, and evening birthday celebrations are common. Good to know, I don't know much about Hindu culture (which is why I started asking about what is an appropriate cultural gift for the party at their temple, and whether there might be any rituals that I should familiarize myself with to better understand their significance in the celebration).
But really, a birthday party from 7 to 10 pm for an almost 1 year old? To me, that is really late to have the child up, and unfair to the little girl. Since receipt of the e-vite, DH has had contact with the mother (he previously helped her get a job a few years ago, there's been occasional text contact since that time), and feedback is that the party is more for the parents than for the child. (I'm hoping the kid has a quiet area where she can relax)
I've told DH if he wants us to attend, it is his call. Like I said, never met these people, had no idea who they were until DH clarified for me.

Honestly, it's not your kid. Sure, you may think that it's unfair for the kid to have such a late birthday party, but it's not your call. If it bothers you that much, don't go.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

I agree with other posters, it's not really your place to judge whether or not the party time is unfair for the child. Like I said in my post, my SO's family regularly holds children's parties in the late evening, and it's never been a problem from what I've seen in 2 years and many parties. The kids are up and running around having fun no matter what time it is. When little ones start to get tired, their parents usually call it a night and take them home.

Chipmunk415 · April 2014

You ladies are right, I'm wrong on this one. I guess I was being extra snarky/judgy yesterday when I got the e-vite from DH. For those who gave info on the cultural norms and gift ideas, thank you!

NWR- Invitation to a birthday party...I'm side eyeing

Re: NWR- Invitation to a birthday party...I'm side eyeing

Choose Another Board

Search Boards