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Seating chart...fml

I thought I'd be nice and share the rough draft of the seating chart with my mom. She is very hands-off when it comes to this wedding. I thought it would be nice to include her in something. FAIL. She bitched about my brother sitting at one of the wedding party tables when he should be at their table. But my parents are sitting with 4 couples who are travelling very far to be here, and who we've known forever. My dad actually texted me and TOLD me to move them. They are paying for maybe 10% of this wedding. 

I wish I had never sent it to them. They haven't been involved in ANY of the planning, but all of a sudden they have an opinion. If I switch them around then this family friend couple won't really have a good place to sit. They don't know anyone else, and will end up getting pushed to tables farther away. This is so frustrating. I'm tempted to keep it as it is and just say WOOPS on my wedding day.

And with 115+ people I'm definitely sticking with the seating plan. 



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Re: Seating chart...fml

  • I would stick to your original seating plan, TBH.  I might just say something to the extent of, "I'll see what I can do- thanks for the input!"

    It sounds like you're trying to be as considerate as possible for these OOT guests.  Your parents might just be feeling a little overwhelmed with emotions, hence the strange reaction.
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  • I would just let it go. Forget about it. 

    If you put your brother at a table adjacent to theirs, that should be close enough to suit them. 

    You say your parents are sitting at a table with four other couples -- so 10 people? Can you make the tables smaller, and put these four family friend couples together, then put your parents and brother somewhere else?

    Our venue allowed up to 8 per table, but not all of our tables had 8 people. Some had 6, some had 7, some had 8. That gave us the freedom to group people according to who they knew and would get on with, rather than being bound by having to put 8 people at each table.

    But this is also exactly why I did not ask DH's grandmother for her opinion on the seating chart. I figured if I didn't ask, she couldn't complain.

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You asked her opinion and she gave you one you didn't like. 
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  • I would put your brother with WP the way you have it. He will likely be way more comfortable and in terms of importance the WP and family are pretty on par so I would imagine you don't have him sitting way at the back or something. I don't know how old you brother is but I would think he would be more comfortable sitting with people he could be friendly with and celebrate rather than his parents. I also think your family friends would be more comfortable with your parents rather than people they don't know. 

    Don't take it personally. Some people have odd preferences and don't look at the bigger picture, which you have, benefitting the larger number of people.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    What's the point of including your mom and then ignoring her opinion? IMO, your parents should be able to have a say in who sits at their table. 
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    What's the point of including your mom and then ignoring her opinion? IMO, your parents should be able to have a say in who sits at their table. 
    Asking for an opinion should never force you to listen to the opinion. I hate it when I ask for an opinion, consider the opinion and then decide to go a different direction, then all of a sudden someone is butthurt because I didn't do exactly what they suggested. I'm asking for an opinion because I need a different perspective or to make sure I didn't miss anything, it isn't a bonding promise to do everything you suggested. Just because I didn't go with a suggestion doesn't mean I didn't consider it.

    OP just think about it, tell your parents you will think of it, and do what you think is best. They really could have phrased it as a suggestion, but this shouldn't be the start of drama. If they ask about it further, bean dip them. 

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  • How many people can sit at a table?   Are there larger tables for more people?   My venue allows tables of 8, 10 and 12 guests with increasing table sizes so no one is squished.   If your mom is demanding your brother sit with her, maybe its better to go along with it.   Also, ask your brother what he would prefer.   
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ask your brother where he wants to sit, then sit him there.
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  • Your parents don't want to sit by the people you picked out for them to sit by, and you're going to make them anyway? 
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If your parents keep on, mention the couple that will be displaced.  Where do they think this couple should sit?  They probably just haven't thought through that moving your brother to their table will cause further problems.  If he's adjacent to them at another table, he should be close enough for conversation so that should suffice.  Assuming your brother isn't a 4 year old given to fits (where he'd need to be escorted out by your parents), this should work out.

  • Even if they're not paying (although you do say they're paying 10%), I think you should have asked your parents who they would like at their table before making the seating chart. Same thing for your brother...any immediate family/VIPs, really. But if you think your brother would much rather sit with friends than sit with your parents, that should definitely be under consideration as well!
  • My mom always wins so I just moved the couple so that my 27 year old brother could sit with my mom and her friends. It just wasn't worth the drama ;)


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