Bridesmaid Article...pretty short, but interesting.

whitjoy · April 2014

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/bridesmaid-protest

cupcait927 · April 2014

I agree with a lot of it and it's why I'm not having bridesmaids. I know that on TK we spout the mantra that bridesmaids need only show up sober on the day of the wedding with the dress of choice and a smile on their face but let's face it, most brides aren't on TK and fall victim to the wedding industry. And honestly, most bridesmaids fall victim to it as well, thinking that they NEED to do all of the trappings in order to prove themselves a good friend and a good maid. I know I certainly felt the need to when I was a MOH. I let my BFF make me feel bad when I didn't want to help her with invitations and bitter when she demanded a second shower and an OOT bachelorette party. I did what I thought was expected of me and went in to debt for it.

I don't think that bridemaids should be banned, because as we've seen on this site many girls can be perfectly lovely to their maids. The wedding industry is feeding the bridezilla demands and unfortunately, that most likely won't change for a long time. For me, I'm just happy that my girls decided (on their own!) to throw me a bachelorette party (with zero say from me, just a guest list), most likely won't have a shower (and that's fine!) and they all want to spend the day helping me get ready. If they change their mind the day of, that's fine too! I would rather have all of them there in whatever fashion they chose and celebrate the next chapter of my life.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

I have been on here for years and agree that brides should only expect their BMs to buy the dress and show up. BUT, when I was a BM for my friend last April I did feel pressure to help more and spend more then I really wanted to. When it comes down to it, it is hard to tell your friends no, especially when it comes to their wedding or any other big occasion in their lives. You don't want to seem like an inconsiderate bitch, even if you know that they don't really expect anything from you. For my friends wedding, I spent over $1K on pre-wedding parties, gifts, dress, hair, makeup, etc. Was I happy to spend that much? No. But I did it because I wanted my friend to have a great experience just like she did for me 2 years earlier (and no I didn't expect anything from her). I do not blame her for how much I spent. I put that pressure on myself to do things for her and to be there and help her. It was all on me so the only person I have to blame is myself. But I know that telling her no would have been a hell of a lot harder then spending the money.

Yes the wedding industry feeds this unhealthy expectations for both brides and bridesmaids, but from what I read in the comments a lot of brides don't expect anything elaborate from their BMs. But that doesn't mean that their BMs don't feel some pressure just because they are friends to go above and beyond. I think a lot of it boils down to not wanting to disappoint your friend rather then listening to what the wedding industry tells you. If the wedding industry wasn't the way it was, would things be easier for BMs and brides? Sure, but there will always be that pressure to not disappoint your friend regardless of cost or time. And there will always be people that say yes or do things or spend money when they really would rather not. I am sure we have all done it and it is not because some wedding industry told us to.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

I don't think banning the institution is the answer when the institution isn't the problem, it's the false expectations surrounding the institution.

Instead of banning bridesmaids, we should dial it back to say, 'You're my special friend, and I want you to stand up with me as I make this commitment, so please buy or wear a pretty dress and be there for me as I'm getting ready and I'm a little nervous, and tell me I look pretty even though I'm shaky, and then have fun at this awesome party I'm throwing.'

daria24 · April 2014

I only had a MOH, who wore whatever she wanted, in any color. I really wish the WP "uniform" would go away. Why do your nearest and dearest have to wear matching suits or dresses in the same color/fabric to take photos with you and stand close to you at the altar? I think it's ridiculous.

I've been in 3 weddings and the brides have all been lovely. But I still thought it was ridiculous that I had to shell out money (that I could afford, and was in budget) for a dress in a color that I would never, ever, ever wear again. I would have spent the same amount on a new dress for myself to wear to the wedding anyway, but it would have at least been one I wanted to wear again.

whitjoy · April 2014

One thing people don't really talk about is bachelor parties though. FI spent thousands through the years on weekend trips, bars and steak dinners, hotels, etc. His best man is renting boats for FI's bachelor party; for fucks sake.

FiancB · April 2014

I agree and if it had been totally up to me we wouldn't have a BP or we'd only have one person each or something. FI has been in a lot of weddings and has spent a ton as well. I am just trying to make it as easy as possible on everybody- keeping attire cheap and pretty open-ended, not demanding parties, registering for cheap stuff, paying for my broke friend's plane ticket, etc.

I have a couple friends remark in the past that they never wanted to be a BM again. I hope that my more relaxed (well, next to nonexistent) expectations help. I don't get the grabby brides- I have an upcoming shower and I'm sort of embarrassed by the attention and gifts.

thisismynickname2 · April 2014

@daria24 and @whitjoy, I'm with you on the matching outfits thing. My maids apparently WANT to match for the sake of my pictures. I'm in shock. They don't get that I couldn't care less.

To the extent of spending money, I guess it's all in attitude. I know people who love bachelor/ette parties no matter the cost, and will happily spend hundreds/thousands, because they otherwise get few opportunities to cut loose and go crazy. It's like breaking out of adulthood and revisiting the college years. To each their own!

I'm the first one to decline to do something if I can't afford it, but if I can, I'll do it because it's just so much fun.

KPBM89 · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I don't think banning the institution is the answer when the institution isn't the problem, it's the false expectations surrounding the institution.

Instead of banning bridesmaids, we should dial it back to say, 'You're my special friend, and I want you to stand up with me as I make this commitment, so please buy or wear a pretty dress and be there for me as I'm getting ready and I'm a little nervous, and tell me I look pretty even though I'm shaky, and then have fun at this awesome party I'm throwing.'

This. Completely agree.

(This is hoppersgirl25 btw...I changed my username today after I saw that crazy stuff go down and I didn't want FI's name in my s/n anymore)

larrygaga · April 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I don't think banning the institution is the answer when the institution isn't the problem, it's the false expectations surrounding the institution.

Instead of banning bridesmaids, we should dial it back to say, 'You're my special friend, and I want you to stand up with me as I make this commitment, so please buy or wear a pretty dress and be there for me as I'm getting ready and I'm a little nervous, and tell me I look pretty even though I'm shaky, and then have fun at this awesome party I'm throwing.'

This exactly. Our society needs to take it back like 4,000 notches on what to expect out of a wedding.

I've been in several weddings where the bride said pick your dress and show up. I always help out with anything I can because they are my friends/sisters and they weren't jerks to me. They never expected any help from the wedding party. If I had "duties" or some stupid shit as a bridesmaid I would either not do them or step down altogether.

Bridesmaid Article...pretty short, but interesting.

Re: Bridesmaid Article...pretty short, but interesting.

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