In-Laws are planning parts of the wedding on their own!

Re: In-Laws are planning parts of the wedding on their own!

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  April 2014

  emcaroline said:

  Today, my future father-in-law called my fiance to let him know that he reserved a block of rooms at a hotel for the wedding. He didn't consult with me, my fiance or my parents (who are paying for the wedding) and he only booked enough rooms for his family.  I had a list of questions I wanted to ask and information I wanted to collect before we booked at a hotel.  He also was about to book the limousine service (that my parents are paying for), but luckily my fiance was able to talk him out that.  I told my in-laws this past weekend that I would be booking both the hotel rooms and the limousine service this week and even double checked how many people from their family that they expected would stay overnight so that I would book enough hotel rooms. So they knew I was planning on taking care of these things this week. 

  
  

  I know in the grand scheme of things that him booking hotel rooms is not a big deal and can easily be cancelled.  What does concern me, however, is that they think it's ok to take over aspects of planning for a wedding that they aren't paying for!  When my fiance tried to tell them that we have it over control and asked them not to book anything else, they got really defensive and angry at him.  I didn't think I would have to worry about anyone stepping in and trying to take over planning for a wedding that they aren't paying for!  Any advice on how I should deal with this?  

  You don't. Your FI does, because they're his parents.
  
  He handles it one of two ways, depending on how his parents are:
  1. First way:
  He says, 'OK, Mom and Dad, since you took care of booking the limousine service without consulting us, I'm interpreting that as your willingness to pay for that aspect of things which is great!'
  They either agree to pay for things or they say they didn't mean that at all.
  If it's the former AND you're OK with them paying for things, then you win.
  If it's the latter and they balk at paying for it, he says, 'Then in that case, Mom and Dad, I really need you not to get involved in things that require deposits and are none of your concern.'
  
  In either of those cases, problem solved.
  
  2. Second option:
  Your FI has a come-to-Jesus talk with his parents in which he explains that anything they book without his or your consent will be their financial responsibility AND you will not be using it for the wedding. He also needs to tell them that they need to talk to you two before booking anything else related to the wedding that they are not planning and not paying for.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• ReturnOfKuus member

  

  April 2014

  I don't get it.  Why do you care what hotel his family stays in?
  

  

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• dharmabunny member

  

  April 2014

  ReturnOfKuus said:

  I don't get it.  Why do you care what hotel his family stays in?
  

  This. Getting a block of hotel rooms does not compel ANYONE to actually use them, doesn't usually cost anything to the person reserving, and if those rooms aren't booked by a certain date, the hold is released.
  
  
  
  
  

  

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• PirateBarbie member

  

  April 2014

  emcaroline said:

  Today, my future father-in-law called my fiance to let him know that he reserved a block of rooms at a hotel for the wedding. He didn't consult with me, my fiance or my parents (who are paying for the wedding) and he only booked enough rooms for his family.  I had a list of questions I wanted to ask and information I wanted to collect before we booked at a hotel.  He also was about to book the limousine service (that my parents are paying for), but luckily my fiance was able to talk him out that.  I told my in-laws this past weekend that I would be booking both the hotel rooms and the limousine service this week and even double checked how many people from their family that they expected would stay overnight so that I would book enough hotel rooms. So they knew I was planning on taking care of these things this week. 

  
  

  I know in the grand scheme of things that him booking hotel rooms is not a big deal and can easily be cancelled.  What does concern me, however, is that they think it's ok to take over aspects of planning for a wedding that they aren't paying for!  When my fiance tried to tell them that we have it over control and asked them not to book anything else, they got really defensive and angry at him.  I didn't think I would have to worry about anyone stepping in and trying to take over planning for a wedding that they aren't paying for!  Any advice on how I should deal with this?  

  I'm confused - he actually booked (reserved) rooms at a hotel (as in, gave them a credit card # to reserve the room, and will be charged if cancellation occurs after X date) or he had a local hotel put a courtesy hold on a block of rooms so your wedding guests could book at their convenience? There's a huge difference between those things - but irregardless, it's his money/family and it doesn't impact you in any way. Maybe he set up a room hold at a particular hotel so all of the OOT family on the grooms' side would be located in one place. 
  
  Booking the limo is a bit of am imposition, but should be an easy fix. Your FI needs to ask his dad if he was planning to book/pay for the lijmo as a gift to you. If he said yes, and you are willing to accept, then there's no issue. If he isn't planning to pay/you don't want to accept this as a gift. Your Fi just need to thank him for trying to help/for the gift/whatever, but let him know it's already covered. 

  
  

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• Hisprinc3ss member

  

  April 2014

  Tell them you appreciate their help. Ask that they please consult with you guys first so you can coordinate better and that there will not be any miscommunications. It probably won't be the last disagreement. Hang in there!!
  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  April 2014

  So he only got enough rooms for his family-- okay.  Great!  His family has somewhere to stay.  I don't think that's a problem at all.

  
  

  The limo thing is overstepping a bit.  Was he planning on paying for it?  I would just say, "Thanks for your help but please run all your ideas by Fi and me, that way we can coordinate everything."

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• alexnicole452647 member

  

  April 2014

  I would have to agree with HisGirlFriday13 your FI has to stand his ground or this will be your entire marriage.  I had similar issues with FMIL while planning my wedding because she felt "left out" of decisions that were being made and wanted to give input even though she was not contributing.  I made FI put a stop to this real fast because I felt it was inappropriate for her to tell my parents how to spend their own money.  

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• bananasplit472001 member

  

  April 2014

  He can block off as many rooms as he wants it doesn't affect your room block, which a hotel won't even set up for your unless you are the bride/groom.  Go ahead and set up your own room block and let other guests know that it can be used.  As for the transportation let them go ahead and book that too.  If I understand correctly they were just booking all of these things for them and not you.  So it really does not affect you or your budget.  If they book a limo for themselves then great it's one less thing your parents have to pay for.  I honestly can see where they would be over stepping their boundaries and your FI needs to have a conversation with his parents so it doesn't affect other aspects of your wedding.  But for these two parts I would let it be and let them absorb that cost and move on with planning.

  

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• firegirl1013 member

  

  April 2014

  I feel your pain! I understand how it can be something so silly and something that doesn't really matter (like blocking hotel rooms), but the fact of the matter is they are not paying for the wedding and it's not their wedding and it gets under your skin a little bit that they are doing whatever they want. 

  
  

  My FMIL texted my fiancé the other night informing us his aunt is going to cook our favorite potato dish for the rehearsal dinner and that she is also going to go to MY house and take care of preparing the rehearsal dinner. Mind you my FMIL is not paying for the wedding at all and my fiancé and I had agreed to do a cookout for the rehearsal dinner. Everything she planned actually isn't bad, but it bugs me that she just decided to plan part of our wedding plans on her own without consulting us.

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• larrygaga member

  

  April 2014

  Guys, read the post again. She knows the hotel thing isn't a big deal, she's worrying he will continue to book things that are a big deal. 

  
  

  I agree with hisgirlfriday

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Chananigans33 member

  

  April 2014

  dharmabunny said:

  I don't get it.  Why do you care what hotel his family stays in?
  

  This. Getting a block of hotel rooms does not compel ANYONE to actually use them, doesn't usually cost anything to the person reserving, and if those rooms aren't booked by a certain date, the hold is released.

  Some hotels do require them to be used, at least partially. When my fiance and I were touring one of our top hotel choices, they told us that we can reserve a block of rooms, but we're responsible for filling 80% of them. Anything below 80% and we're liable to pay up to that 80% mark. They can usually add rooms, but they do require a minimum number of rooms to be booked in order to provide our guests with the discounted rate. Again, not all are like this, but always ask to be sure!

  9.13.15

  
  

  I say "that's what she said" more than any normal person should.

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