Strangers at the Wedding

ElcaB · April 2014

FI has a huge extended family, many of whom I haven't met. I'm not overly enthusiastic that there will be a bunch of strangers at our wedding --- even FI (and FMIL, to an extent) doesn't know some of the names of distant cousins & their children! We "have" to invite them and are prepared to host everyone if they attend, but I'm really crossing my fingers for declines. On top of that, FMIL is inviting three or four of her friends and their SOs.

My question is, how do you deal with strangers at your wedding? I'm mostly concerned about table visits and the receiving line. Do I just smile and make generic talk? "Hi! Have you tried the chili yet? Thank you so much for joining us!" Or do I introduce myself? I'm sort of freaking out over this.

loro929 · April 2014

I think a small introduction (probably from their end, as you should be quite recognizable the day of

) and a simple "thank you for joining us on this day" (or something along those lines) would be more than enough and appropriate given the situation.

CrazyCatLady3 · April 2014

Just smile, say nice to meet you and make generic talk. You will be busy and have to make a lot of visits, so you won't have to talk to each person for very long.

pinkcow13 · April 2014

I would say just smile and make generic talk. I think I will have a few strangers at our wedding, thankfully not many (FMIL's friends. She put 10 on the list. We're letting her have 4 so far, the other 6 are in the questionable category as we don't know them, and our list is already too big). I think I would be like "Hi, Thanks so much for joining us! Hope you're having a good time! *I'm sorry I don't think I got your name?*" Then keep it moving.

*I would hope that for the last line, FMIL will handle the introductions or they will introduce themselves first. I would say something along those lines though, just so I know who the heck they are.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

No need to introduce yourself; you're the bride, so they (should) know who you are. Just smile, say, 'OH, thank you for coming,' and move along.

As long as you greet everyone in EITHER the receiving line OR the table visits, you're good. You don't have to hit everyone twice. We used table visits to get to chat more in-depth with our friends/family than was possible during the receiving line.

There were relatives of DH's there that he was a little fuzzy on.

jenna8984 · April 2014

Why do they "have" to be invited if they are that distant? You just described the exact wedding I would never want lol. But my family is different- we cut out all aunts, uncles, and first cousins so that's not really typically.

lyndausvi · April 2014

Due to distance, DH had not met most of my family and that includes both my brothers and their families. Same distance caused me not to know most of his family.

We honestly never put any thought into not knowing some people at my wedding. We just smiled and thanked people for coming. We had a welcome dinner the night before. We were both able to be introduced to guests we didn't know and spend a little more time with them.

ElcaB · April 2014

jenna8984 said:

Why do they "have" to be invited if they are that distant? You just described the exact wedding I would never want lol. But my family is different- we cut out all aunts, uncles, and first cousins so that's not really typically.

We're doing it per FMIL's request. I asked the same question when we were reviewing the guest list with her. I said, "If we don't know their names, do they need to be invited?" She expressed that it was important to her. The ILs are contributing to the wedding, so if she really wants these people there, we'll invite them.

Even though I'd certainly prefer to only invite our closer family and friends, I can accept this. At the end of the day, FI & I will be married and having a few extra guests, no matter how distant, won't have any major impact on the celebration.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

Like others said, smile, say hi and thank them for coming. Then move on to your other guests. They may start some light chit chat but honestly it really is no different then attending any other event where you don't know everyone. Just be kind and courteous and you should be good.

beharrington · April 2014

DH couldn't tell me who most of the people on his side were. He sucks with that kind of stuff. We allowed each of his parents to invite 50 people (it was a mistake but oh well). I just smiled and thanked them for coming. Most of the time, one of the family members we did know would introduce people. Luckily, most of them didn't expect to converse with me since I don't speak Vietnamese so it made it a little less intimidating.

manateehugger · April 2014

Musikalbunni said:

This is a stupid question, but what is a receiving line and when does it usually take place?

Usually either at the end of the ceremony or sometimes the entrance to the reception, the bride and groom plus usually parents (sometimes WP - but I HATE when people do that) greet all the guests in a line. Quick hug, thanks for coming, and move on down the line.

It's an alternative to table visits to make sure each guests is greeted by the couple and the hosts.

Cookie Pusher · April 2014

Musikalbunni said:

This is a stupid question, but what is a receiving line and when does it usually take place?

It's when everyone lines up after the ceremony and get greeted by the bride, groom, and whoever else they choose (usually the parents).

beharrington · April 2014

My parents (as the hosts) and DH's parents did a receiving line from cocktail hour into the ballroom for the reception. DH and I did table visits. It wouldn't have worked doing it after the ceremony because we only had 30 minutes at the church to get all of the family pics done.

climbingsingle · April 2014

I just want to share - I am having total anxiety about this. There will be quite a few of FI's family members at the wedding that I've never met before. and I hate small talk! I find that I'm ridiculously awkward in situations like this. So yeah. I'm hoping a glass of wine will help me.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

The receiving line has successfully confused me in non-tiered weddings. In a tiered wedding, usually the bride and groom do the receiving line, then head out for pictures. But do the receiving lines in a proper wedding happen before cocktail hour, after cocktail hour, or during cocktail hour?

Traditionally a receiving line should be done while guests arrive at the reception venue (since you are receiving them into your hosted event). But typically that isn't possible because of pictures and such. So receiving lines generally occur after the ceremony as guests leave to head to the reception.

I would say that a receiving line could be possible between cocktail hour and dinner if your cocktail hour were in a different room then the main reception hall. The couple (and parents) could welcome guests as they head to their tables. But if the cocktail hour were taking place in the same room as dinner then it would be silly to make all your guests form a line just so you can do a receiving line.

lyndausvi · April 2014

shrekspeare said:

The receiving line has successfully confused me in non-tiered weddings. In a tiered wedding, usually the bride and groom do the receiving line, then head out for pictures. But do the receiving lines in a proper wedding happen before cocktail hour, after cocktail hour, or during cocktail hour?

We planned on table visits. Somehow we, along with our parents, ended up in a receiving line as people moved from the ceremony to the bar line. Basically the bar line turned into the receiving line. Not planned at all, but really made sense considering everyone we know hits the bar anyway.

I've seen receiving line at the back of the church as guests leave, I've seen them at reception as you enter. I've seen them different ways.

LadyMillil · April 2014

@ClimbingBrideNY DH didn't know a lot of my family members, but they all introduced themselves to him. I'm also awkward and horrible at small talk, so I was worried about the receiving line. Most people made a few comments on the ceremony and my dress, and I thanked them for coming, and that was it.

monkeysip · April 2014

Besides a couple family members I didn't know, my dad had us invite several of his friends, including 5 people from Asia who barely spoke English. That was a little awkward, but we just graciously welcomed them and thanked them. And they smiled and were polite back. Simple... move on.

It's less stressful than you think it will be.

netskyblue2 · April 2014

I'd find it odd that extended family would WANT to attend the wedding of family members they'd never met.

If you and they have never met, they shouldn't take offense at you asking their name (it's not like you forgot them). Hi there...what was your name, again? Oh, yes, you're Great Aunt Marla's son, right? It's great to finally meet you. I hope you have time to enjoy blah blah while you're in town. Thank you again, so much, for coming."

KytchynWitche · April 2014

I'm in a similar situation now that FI's decided to invite all his uncles and their wives. FFIL insisted that they be invited, despite the fact that FI has had no contact with any of them in the 2+ years we've been together, and for heaven only knows how long prior to that. FMIL, FI, and I are all hoping that they decline, but if they don't, I'll say something like "It's so nice to finally meet you, thanks for coming!" and make small talk if the situation warrants it. They'll be the only guests we haven't both met, unless FMIL's family comes from the US, which is almost 100% not happening.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

I'm not sure why so many people are all 'OMG, there might be a stranger at my wedding!!!!!' Sure, if it's a random psycho off the street whom not one single person in the room knows or recognizes, then yeah, I get that. But if someone thinks of their name and provides you with that and an address, so they can receive an invitation, then SOMEONE at the wedding knows them and thinks enough of them to want them there. They aren't a stranger to at least one person there, they're 'mom's friend Jane from Florida' or 'the groom's cousin Bill's new girlfriend', or whatever. And if I don't know them, but they're really important to someone I love, then that's not in the same category as the random crasher who wanders in. And FFS, they're important to someone who's important to me. Why would I freak out over that? Just say hello, thanks for coming, nice to meet you, and move on. It's not the end of the world.

KytchynWitche · April 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

I'm not sure why so many people are all 'OMG, there might be a stranger at my wedding!!!!!' Sure, if it's a random psycho off the street whom not one single person in the room knows or recognizes, then yeah, I get that. But if someone thinks of their name and provides you with that and an address, so they can receive an invitation, then SOMEONE at the wedding knows them and thinks enough of them to want them there. They aren't a stranger to at least one person there, they're 'mom's friend Jane from Florida' or 'the groom's cousin Bill's new girlfriend', or whatever. And if I don't know them, but they're really important to someone I love, then that's not in the same category as the random crasher who wanders in. And FFS, they're important to someone who's important to me. Why would I freak out over that? Just say hello, thanks for coming, nice to meet you, and move on. It's not the end of the world.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I suffer from really bad social anxiety. The mere thought of meeting new people can, and frequently does, cause me to suffer panic attacks. Being the center of attention when I'm not playing a character is horrific.

I have gotten a lot better through a mixture of therapy, medication, and just having all-around great, supportive people close to me, and the attacks I suffer are no longer completely crippling, but I still don't cope like "normal" people and I may never be able to. Whether there are "strangers" at my wedding or not, I'll be panicky, but having strangers there will make it worse and I'd rather not cross the line from "panicked" to "completely terrified".

Yes, in theory it's a simple "Nice to meet you, thanks for coming!" and move on, but in practice it's really not that easy when the room is spinning, your throat's closing up, and your heart feels like it's trying to win the Kentucky Derby.

Edited because words are hard.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

@urbaneca - I'm sorry, I should have clarified. I'm not speaking about those having a true medical condition. You guys deal with enough as it is. I'm speaking of those who want this from a purely selfish point of view - the pictures, the 'vibe', the 'no one who hasn't touched our lives in a meaningful way or who we don't know intimately or wiped our butts' or whatever. The ones who don't want a small, close family and friends only thing, but want 200 people there but still no one they don't personally know. You know the type. The ones who refuse to invite SOs because they don't 'know them'. Definitely not people like you, Urby.

KytchynWitche · April 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

@urbaneca - I'm sorry, I should have clarified. I'm not speaking about those having a true medical condition. You guys deal with enough as it is. I'm speaking of those who want this from a purely selfish point of view - the pictures, the 'vibe', the 'no one who hasn't touched our lives in a meaningful way or who we don't know intimately or wiped our butts' or whatever. The ones who don't want a small, close family and friends only thing, but want 200 people there but still no one they don't personally know. You know the type. The ones who refuse to invite SOs because they don't 'know them'. Definitely not people like you, Urby.

Ah, I see. Yeah, I have no insight into that at all.

Strangers at the Wedding

Re: Strangers at the Wedding

Choose Another Board

Search Boards