Bridesmaid Issue Rant

Re: Bridesmaid Issue Rant

• Simply Fated member

  

  April 2014

  I'm not sure if removing her as a bridesmaid is the best way to go about this. I mean, I get that she's been complaining a lot, but don't make the last straw be about $50 for hair.
  If she wants to do her own hair and make-up, let her. She'll have one less thing to complain about.
  
  As far as her sons being there when women are getting dressed, I agree that it's inappropriate. You just have to tell her, "I would love for you to join us the day of the wedding while we're getting ready, but unfortunately we will not be able to accomodate your sons." If it means her not being there, so be it. She can meet up with you guys after. Don't mention that you assumed her husband would be watching the kids. It's best not to get in the middle of those things.
  
  And, yeah, you should be talking to her, not your Fi. She's his sister, but she's your bridesmaid and these are wedding party issues. Putting him in the middle is unnecessary.

  
  

  Report2 Reply
• artbyallie mod

  

  April 2014

  I am having issues with one of my bridesmaids. I am a very thrifty individual and not picky at all, but it seems like no matter what I have one bridesmaid who is constantly complaining about something, and to top it off, it is my FI sister. First it was the dress, I told all my BM that I just wanted a specific color and material but didn't care what style, so if they wanted sleeves they could, strapless, long, short, whatever, as long as they color and material were the same, and even told them the store was having a sale with the dresses as low as $29.99. I bought her shoes and bought her daughter her flower girl dress. Then she didn't want to take any time off work, and it got to a point I had to get him to call her and ask point blank if she still was going to be a BM because I had to order the bouquets. I told him to tell her, I understood if she didn't want to. She agreed again. Now not too long ago, I asked all my BM if I was able to get the salon to do our hair and makeup if they would be willing to help out since my FI an I are paying for everything. All of them said yes. So I went ahead and put the deposit down for the contract. All they would have to pay was $50, and I was covering the remaining $60 each, as well as paying for the flowergirl myself. Now she doesn't want to and keeps talking about the price, and that her two sons would also be in the room while we were getting ready and she found some makeup so she would do her hair and makeup herself. Her sons are not babies nor toddlers. I got to a point and finally told her I was removing her from the contract and told her I thought her husband would be watching her sons. I then told my FI that I was ready to remove her from my Bridal Party. She didn't have to say yes, and I would have completely understood. I just don't know how to handle these issues anymore. I have been very patient and told my FI her sons will not be in the room with a group of women getting dressed. It's inappropiate. Does anyone have advice on how I should handle this? I don't think I'm over reacting, I don't want to cause any problems though.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Lol, contract? Seriously? It's not like you're paying her. Leave it alone. If she doesn't get the dress, she's out of the wedding on her own, but if you kick her out, she and the entire family WILL remember you as 'that bitch that kicked her out' forever. Perhaps you should not have asked her to begin with, but that ship has sailed. Your fiancé could've had her on his side if he wanted her in the wedding, but that ship has also sailed. Calm down and leave her alone. The only thing you're right to stand your ground on here is that her boys do not need to be in the bridal suite.

  

  Report0 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  April 2014

  Kicking her out of your bridal party is a relationship-ending move. Are you willing to destroy your relationship with your FI's sister? 

  
  

  I don't see what she's done that's so terrible. She's complaining about the cost. Ok, that's mildly irritating. She's bought the dress, right? 

  
  

  If she now doesn't want to get her hair and makeup done, remove her from the salon contract. Let her do her own hair and makeup. Again, not really a big deal. 

  
  

  I do agree with you regarding her sons. They should not be present when you all are getting ready. Hold firm on that. It's totally inappropriate. 

  Report2 Reply
• abbyj700 member

  

  April 2014

  ClimbingBrideNY said:

  Kicking her out of your bridal party is a relationship-ending move. Are you willing to destroy your relationship with your FI's sister? 

  
  

  I don't see what she's done that's so terrible. She's complaining about the cost. Ok, that's mildly irritating. She's bought the dress, right? 

  
  

  If she now doesn't want to get her hair and makeup done, remove her from the salon contract. Let her do her own hair and makeup. Again, not really a big deal. 

  
  

  I do agree with you regarding her sons. They should not be present when you all are getting ready. Hold firm on that. It's totally inappropriate. 

  This. Only thing I see as mildly annoying is the sons - you explain why they can't be there and move on. You're making drama where there isn't drama. She has a family to pay for - she wants to do her own hair to save money - that sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

  Report0 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  April 2014

  I agree with everyone else.  Her complaining about the cost of things can be mildly annoying, but just ignore it.  She has every right to do her own hair and makeup, so just take her off the salon contract.

  
  

  As for her kids, I again agree with everyone else, nicely let her know that while everyone is getting dressed and ready that her sons cannot be accommodated.  Then let her figure out what she wants to do the day of.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  April 2014

  artbyallie said:

  I am having issues with one of my bridesmaids. I am a very thrifty individual and not picky at all, but it seems like no matter what I have one bridesmaid who is constantly complaining about something, and to top it off, it is my FI sister. First it was the dress, I told all my BM that I just wanted a specific color and material but didn't care what style, so if they wanted sleeves they could, strapless, long, short, whatever, as long as they color and material were the same, and even told them the store was having a sale with the dresses as low as $29.99. I bought her shoes and bought her daughter her flower girl dress. Then she didn't want to take any time off work, and it got to a point I had to get him to call her and ask point blank if she still was going to be a BM because I had to order the bouquets. I told him to tell her, I understood if she didn't want to. She agreed again. Now not too long ago, I asked all my BM if I was able to get the salon to do our hair and makeup if they would be willing to help out since my FI an I are paying for everything. All of them said yes. So I went ahead and put the deposit down for the contract. All they would have to pay was $50, and I was covering the remaining $60 each, as well as paying for the flowergirl myself. Now she doesn't want to and keeps talking about the price, and that her two sons would also be in the room while we were getting ready and she found some makeup so she would do her hair and makeup herself. Her sons are not babies nor toddlers. I got to a point and finally told her I was removing her from the contract and told her I thought her husband would be watching her sons. I then told my FI that I was ready to remove her from my Bridal Party. She didn't have to say yes, and I would have completely understood. I just don't know how to handle these issues anymore. I have been very patient and told my FI her sons will not be in the room with a group of women getting dressed. It's inappropiate. Does anyone have advice on how I should handle this? I don't think I'm over reacting, I don't want to cause any problems though.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Lol, contract? Seriously? It's not like you're paying her. Leave it alone. If she doesn't get the dress, she's out of the wedding on her own, but if you kick her out, she and the entire family WILL remember you as 'that bitch that kicked her out' forever. Perhaps you should not have asked her to begin with, but that ship has sailed. Your fiancé could've had her on his side if he wanted her in the wedding, but that ship has also sailed. Calm down and leave her alone. The only thing you're right to stand your ground on here is that her boys do not need to be in the bridal suite.

  I think OP meant the salon contract, as in, 'people who will be getting their hair done at the salon.' Not like a WP contract.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report1 Reply
• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2014

  I think this is just the start of your FSIL making things difficult for you through any major event in your lifes (holidays, baby showers, etc). So the best thing to do is just smile & say ok, not a problem I can cancel the stylist for you. Are you going to do flowergirls hair yourself too or is it ok still for me to pay for her to get her hair done? Please make sure to be at such and such location at x:xx pm where the girls and I will be getting ready. Since the other BM will be in the room openly getting changed I don't think it would be a good idea for your boys to be in the room with all of us. Is it possible for them to hang out with your husband or maybe your parents? If not, then meet us at the hotel at x:xx pm ready to go and we should all be dressed by that time.

  This way you are giving her options that fit her needs or demands but still respects your other BM. I think it's all you can really do. You were very flexible about the dress and found an amazing price and have been very generous about everything. Chances are no matter how much you did for your FSIL, she is going to find something to complain about. Good luck!!

  Report0 Reply
• artbyallie mod

  

  April 2014

  Ah, thanks for the clarification, HisGirl. I didn't read it that way when I was fresh out of bed this morning.

  

  Report1 Reply