The frustrating truth about money and etiquette

312Emily · April 2014

http://www.google.com/trends/explore#q=diy wedding, wedding etiquette, save money, etiquette&cmpt=q

Notice the reversal in terms of the wedding terms in 2011. And notice how saving money and etiquette overall are getting closer. Super sad and lame.

thisismynickname2 · April 2014

Yowza.

Would be interesting to know what "causation" is there.

grumbledore · April 2014

Maybe if wages were rising along with costs that graph would look different. I'm not surprised. People who would normally be financially comfortable even ten years ago are struggling right now (this includes me and my little family).

lyndausvi · April 2014

not surprised with the entitlement generation that is coming into marriage age.

312Emily · April 2014

grumbledore said:
Maybe if wages were rising along with costs that graph would look different. I'm not surprised. People who would normally be financially comfortable even ten years ago are struggling right now (this includes me and my little family).

grumbledore · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

not surprised with the entitlement generation that is coming into marriage age.

I really don't think it's only that. The general financial situation for people who are currently in the age bracket most likely to be getting married is not good. It's disappointing that people are researching etiquette less, but I don't think there is necessarily a correlation to the increase in budget-related searches. I have probably done more money-related searches than etiquette searches, and I care deeply about being polite.

312Emily · April 2014

grumbledore said:
Maybe if wages were rising along with costs that graph would look different. I'm not surprised. People who would normally be financially comfortable even ten years ago are struggling right now (this includes me and my little family).

Bah excuse the DP. On mobile.

But I find it interesting that there seems to be a tradeoff in this cultural shift in media focus, as if etiquette and cost - cutting are mutually exclusive (which this board frequently asserts is not the case).

grumbledore · April 2014

312Emily said:

Maybe if wages were rising along with costs that graph would look different. I'm not surprised. People who would normally be financially comfortable even ten years ago are struggling right now (this includes me and my little family).
Bah excuse the DP. On mobile. But I find it interesting that there seems to be a tradeoff in this cultural shift in media focus, as if etiquette and cost - cutting are mutually exclusive (which this board frequently asserts is not the case).

That is something that comes up often with newbies post here - as if people can't afford to be polite. It's an excuse I can't stand. We are on a very strict budget, but we are putting our guests first always and wouldn't dream of cutting corners that would negatively effect them.

lyndausvi · April 2014

grumbledore said:

lyndausvi said:

not surprised with the entitlement generation that is coming into marriage age.

I really don't think it's only that. The general financial situation for people who are currently in the age bracket most likely to be getting married is not good. It's disappointing that people are researching etiquette less, but I don't think there is necessarily a correlation to the increase in budget-related searches. I have probably done more money-related searches than etiquette searches, and I care deeply about being polite.

true. I'm willing to bet there are more articles on cost-savings then etiquette.

312Emily · April 2014

grumbledore said:

312Emily said:

grumbledore said:
Maybe if wages were rising along with costs that graph would look different. I'm not surprised. People who would normally be financially comfortable even ten years ago are struggling right now (this includes me and my little family).
Bah excuse the DP. On mobile.

But I find it interesting that there seems to be a tradeoff in this cultural shift in media focus, as if etiquette and cost - cutting are mutually exclusive (which this board frequently asserts is not the case).

That is something that comes up often with newbies post here - as if people can't afford to be polite. It's an excuse I can't stand. We are on a very strict budget, but we are putting our guests first always and wouldn't dream of cutting corners that would negatively effect them.

100% agree. And I wish everyone understood this. But we're preaching to the choir on this board more often than not.

chibiyui · April 2014

This seems very much a correalation (sp? On mah phone) does not equal causation.

And I also agree with @grumbledore, this would be less a thing if wages were rising along with cost of living. The only reason I'm okay financially is cause FI makes good money and came from a family who could pay for his education. Otherwise we would be having a much smaller and scaled back wedding.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

chibiyui said:

This seems very much a correalation (sp? On mah phone) does not equal causation. And I also agree with @grumbledore, this would be less a thing if wages were rising along with cost of living. The only reason I'm okay financially is cause FI makes good money and came from a family who could pay for his education. Otherwise we would be having a much smaller and scaled back wedding.

I don't think wages are really the problem. Sure, they aren't increasing and they suck and the job market sucks. . . but we have all known this for a long time.

I think the issue is that many people in their 20's-early 30's have an instant gratification mindset, and the concept of having a longer engagement (2, 3 years) so that they can save up money for their wedding seems to be completely foreign to them.

wrigleyville · April 2014

I think part of it, too, is this need for a Pinterest-perfect wedding.

During my parents' generation, and even when I was a child, I can't think of a single wedding (among our family and friends) that wasn't held in a church, with the reception in either the church hall or the K of C, VFW, etc hall. The rental rates ranged from free to minimal. Decorations were usually tissue paper bells, streamers, and balloons you could buy at any party supply store, and invitations were bought in packets from Hallmark, etc. "Favors" were a piece of cake wrapped in a napkin and/or you could take home the centerpieces.

Yes, there were some pricier weddings, but they were for "rich people".

Now, it seems like everyone wants the custom invitations, banquet halls, flowers, "unique" centerpieces, favors, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that if you can afford it.

There's a lot of pressure from the wedding industry too. Between Pinterest and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress", it's almost as if brides feel their wedding isn't good enough. (See: all of these PPDs and do-overs and such that are based purely on wanting "the perfect wedding")

Anyway, I think all of this has combined to make people feel like they have to drop a ton of money on a wedding, that they can't possibly have a $3000 wedding because OMG THAT WOULD MEAN A CHEAP BACKYARD WEDDING. It's entitlement for sure.

Did I want a fancy wedding in Chicago, in some loft with a view of the skyline? Heck yes. Could I afford that? No. Did I have a small wedding that I could afford without sacrificing etiquette? Yes. Was it still perfect? YES. It was one of the best days of my life.

312Emily · April 2014

chibiyui said:
This seems very much a correalation (sp? On mah phone) does not equal causation.

And I also agree with @grumbledore, this would be less a thing if wages were rising along with cost of living. The only reason I'm okay financially is cause FI makes good money and came from a family who could pay for his education. Otherwise we would be having a much smaller and scaled back wedding.

Not asserting causation. But I think it's an interesting shift in media focus that says a lot about our priorities given the increase or decline in specific content.

312Emily · April 2014

chibiyui said:
This seems very much a correalation (sp? On mah phone) does not equal causation.

And I also agree with @grumbledore, this would be less a thing if wages were rising along with cost of living. The only reason I'm okay financially is cause FI makes good money and came from a family who could pay for his education. Otherwise we would be having a much smaller and scaled back wedding.

Not asserting causation. But I think it's an interesting shift in media focus that says a lot about our priorities given the increase or decline in specific content.

lyndausvi · April 2014

wrigleyville said:

I think part of it, too, is this need for a Pinterest-perfect wedding.

During my parents' generation, and even when I was a child, I can't think of a single wedding (among our family and friends) that wasn't held in a church, with the reception in either the church hall or the K of C, VFW, etc hall. The rental rates ranged from free to minimal. Decorations were usually tissue paper bells, streamers, and balloons you could buy at any party supply store, and invitations were bought in packets from Hallmark, etc. "Favors" were a piece of cake wrapped in a napkin and/or you could take home the centerpieces.

Yes, there were some pricier weddings, but they were for "rich people".

Now, it seems like everyone wants the custom invitations, banquet halls, flowers, "unique" centerpieces, favors, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that if you can afford it.

There's a lot of pressure from the wedding industry too. Between Pinterest and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress", it's almost as if brides feel their wedding isn't good enough. (See: all of these PPDs and do-overs and such that are based purely on wanting "the perfect wedding")

Anyway, I think all of this has combined to make people feel like they have to drop a ton of money on a wedding, that they can't possibly have a $3000 wedding because OMG THAT WOULD MEAN A CHEAP BACKYARD WEDDING. It's entitlement for sure.

Did I want a fancy wedding in Chicago, in some loft with a view of the skyline? Heck yes. Could I afford that? No. Did I have a small wedding that I could afford without sacrificing etiquette? Yes. Was it perfect? YES. It was one of the best days of my life.

YES!

In my day people didn't have many DW let alone Destination B-parties. Showers were at someone's home or the church hall. Now they are sit-down affairs in restaurants. Every aspect of weddings have gone overboard.

There it's all about the look of the venue for your 5 figure photographer than just being happy with the people who love and support you in a VFW hall.

My extended family come from modest means. We had some kick-ass church hall weddings with paper decorations, full or limited open bars with full meals regardless of the time of day. Oh and they all had kids, so their weddings photos mostly have been replaced with kids and grandkid photos.

Not that I think photography isn't important, but I can honestly say 90% of the homes of people who have been married more than a year only have 1-2 wedding pictures up. I'm one of them. I loved our photographer, but I have so many other photos I prefer to display.

cowgirl8238 · April 2014

grumbledore said:

lyndausvi said:

not surprised with the entitlement generation that is coming into marriage age.

I really don't think it's only that. The general financial situation for people who are currently in the age bracket most likely to be getting married is not good. It's disappointing that people are researching etiquette less, but I don't think there is necessarily a correlation to the increase in budget-related searches. I have probably done more money-related searches than etiquette searches, and I care deeply about being polite.

and

wrigleyville said:

I think part of it, too, is this need for a Pinterest-perfect wedding.

During my parents' generation, and even when I was a child, I can't think of a single wedding (among our family and friends) that wasn't held in a church, with the reception in either the church hall or the K of C, VFW, etc hall. The rental rates ranged from free to minimal. Decorations were usually tissue paper bells, streamers, and balloons you could buy at any party supply store, and invitations were bought in packets from Hallmark, etc. "Favors" were a piece of cake wrapped in a napkin and/or you could take home the centerpieces.

Yes, there were some pricier weddings, but they were for "rich people".

Now, it seems like everyone wants the custom invitations, banquet halls, flowers, "unique" centerpieces, favors, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that if you can afford it.

There's a lot of pressure from the wedding industry too. Between Pinterest and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress", it's almost as if brides feel their wedding isn't good enough. (See: all of these PPDs and do-overs and such that are based purely on wanting "the perfect wedding")

Anyway, I think all of this has combined to make people feel like they have to drop a ton of money on a wedding, that they can't possibly have a $3000 wedding because OMG THAT WOULD MEAN A CHEAP BACKYARD WEDDING. It's entitlement for sure.

Did I want a fancy wedding in Chicago, in some loft with a view of the skyline? Heck yes. Could I afford that? No. Did I have a small wedding that I could afford without sacrificing etiquette? Yes. Was it still perfect? YES. It was one of the best days of my life.

I think its a little of both honestly. Don't get me wrong, entitlement is definitly a large factor, but in some ways can you blame people for getting into this mindset?

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

cowgirl8238 said:

grumbledore said:

lyndausvi said:

not surprised with the entitlement generation that is coming into marriage age.

I really don't think it's only that. The general financial situation for people who are currently in the age bracket most likely to be getting married is not good. It's disappointing that people are researching etiquette less, but I don't think there is necessarily a correlation to the increase in budget-related searches. I have probably done more money-related searches than etiquette searches, and I care deeply about being polite.

and

wrigleyville said:

I think part of it, too, is this need for a Pinterest-perfect wedding.

During my parents' generation, and even when I was a child, I can't think of a single wedding (among our family and friends) that wasn't held in a church, with the reception in either the church hall or the K of C, VFW, etc hall. The rental rates ranged from free to minimal. Decorations were usually tissue paper bells, streamers, and balloons you could buy at any party supply store, and invitations were bought in packets from Hallmark, etc. "Favors" were a piece of cake wrapped in a napkin and/or you could take home the centerpieces.

Yes, there were some pricier weddings, but they were for "rich people".

Now, it seems like everyone wants the custom invitations, banquet halls, flowers, "unique" centerpieces, favors, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that if you can afford it.

There's a lot of pressure from the wedding industry too. Between Pinterest and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress", it's almost as if brides feel their wedding isn't good enough. (See: all of these PPDs and do-overs and such that are based purely on wanting "the perfect wedding")

Anyway, I think all of this has combined to make people feel like they have to drop a ton of money on a wedding, that they can't possibly have a $3000 wedding because OMG THAT WOULD MEAN A CHEAP BACKYARD WEDDING. It's entitlement for sure.

Did I want a fancy wedding in Chicago, in some loft with a view of the skyline? Heck yes. Could I afford that? No. Did I have a small wedding that I could afford without sacrificing etiquette? Yes. Was it still perfect? YES. It was one of the best days of my life.

I think its a little of both honestly. Don't get me wrong, entitlement is definitly a large factor, but in some ways can you blame people for getting into this mindset?

Yes, because they are adults with free will and brains at their disposal to use. Feeling pressured by outside forces is just an excuse. Learning how to overcome peer pressure is something people should have learned in their teens.

And again, the other thing missing here is L2Save. If you can't afford your ideal wedding then you have a longer engagement and you save money until you can afford it, or at least something very close to it.

happybride42 · April 2014

wrigleyville said:

I think part of it, too, is this need for a Pinterest-perfect wedding.

During my parents' generation, and even when I was a child, I can't think of a single wedding (among our family and friends) that wasn't held in a church, with the reception in either the church hall or the K of C, VFW, etc hall. The rental rates ranged from free to minimal. Decorations were usually tissue paper bells, streamers, and balloons you could buy at any party supply store, and invitations were bought in packets from Hallmark, etc. "Favors" were a piece of cake wrapped in a napkin and/or you could take home the centerpieces.

Yes, there were some pricier weddings, but they were for "rich people".

Now, it seems like everyone wants the custom invitations, banquet halls, flowers, "unique" centerpieces, favors, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that if you can afford it.

There's a lot of pressure from the wedding industry too. Between Pinterest and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress", it's almost as if brides feel their wedding isn't good enough. (See: all of these PPDs and do-overs and such that are based purely on wanting "the perfect wedding")

Anyway, I think all of this has combined to make people feel like they have to drop a ton of money on a wedding, that they can't possibly have a $3000 wedding because OMG THAT WOULD MEAN A CHEAP BACKYARD WEDDING. It's entitlement for sure.

Did I want a fancy wedding in Chicago, in some loft with a view of the skyline? Heck yes. Could I afford that? No. Did I have a small wedding that I could afford without sacrificing etiquette? Yes. Was it still perfect? YES. It was one of the best days of my life.

**
STUCK IN BOX...

i really have to agree with this. i know when i was planning my first wedding, back in 1999, there seemed to be a lot of new and exciting ideas going on about weddings... the whole martha stewart aspect of it all was still rather new. your wedding could be more than just the personalized baby blue or burgundy ribbons with you and your new husbands name on them and crepe paper bells in a hall, wedding dresses seemed to be showing up in exciting new styles - i had a buttercup yellow wedding gown and that was practically UNHEARD of.

but this time around it's a WHOLE different story altogether. the wealth of choices and the opportunities to spend money just don't end with the current WIC. the pressure to be unique and have something different and new and expensive at your wedding is just ridiculous and seems to be getting more so every year.

and i think alot of it comes with this desire younger girls seems to have to be superstars/celebrities in their own lives. granted, i live in los angeles, where everybody is probably 500 times more superficial than in the rest of the country. but the children my generation raised all were taught by my peers that they were mini-rockstars, -supermodels, -celebrities in the making. and these kids want all the trappings of this superstar lifestyle.

i don't feel this pressure because, well, i'm older. and this is my second wedding. i have no desire for a big whoop-tee-doo... i'm relieved it's going to be tiny and i don't have any of these worries. just too much pressure all the way around. and it's really too bad that etiquette is the casualty. again, i blame my own generation for the way these kids were raised. we raised some REAL spoilt little brats.

kitty8403 · April 2014

There's also tremendous social pressure on brides with more modest means to "measure up." I know when I feel the need to spend or do more, it's usually rooted in concern that whatever we put out there will not be good enough.

Weddings in my family consist of two hours on a weekend afternoon at church, followed by cake, punch, and possibly a father-daughter dance. (Nobody else dances! Except possibly children.) Weddings in FI's circle are multi-day blowouts.
All we can do is hope for a little balance and try to avoid getting bogged down in expensive details--no matter what I end up with, my side will probably think we're extravagant, and his will probably assume we're cheap.

ETA: the point isn't so much that we care what other people think. It's that we've been invited to some seriously pricy affairs. We've been treated to others' generosity. Now it's our turn to return the favor. We wouldn't want our guests to regret the nice things they've done for us in the past because we spent/did too little.

wrigleyville · April 2014

kitty8403 said:

ETA: the point isn't so much that we care what other people think. It's that we've been invited to some seriously pricy affairs. We've been treated to others' generosity. Now it's our turn to return the favor. We wouldn't want our guests to regret the nice things they've done for us in the past because we spent/did too little.

**Stuck in box**

I get that, but at the same time, it would be pretty rude of them to expect you to pay X amount for your wedding just because they spent a lot on theirs. All they should expect is food, drinks (not necessarily alcohol), a seat for their butt, and the other basic comforts. Please don't feel you have to go in debt just because they had filet mignon, a premium bar package, and passed hors d'ouevres.

FiancB · April 2014

Meh. I think a lot of it is simply there being a lot more articles on saving money than etiquette to begin with. There are a TON of money savings tips out there and it can take a few searches to suss them out. Etiquette, on the other hand, is much more cut and dry and a couple FAQs pretty much tell you all you need to know, and most of it should be pretty common sense (would YOU like to stand around and wait for 3 hours while the couple takes pics at multiple locations? No? Okay then don't make anyone else do it).

The cost of weddings has gone up exponentially. It's absolutely ridiculous. My sister got married in '99. It was pretty traditional and big. It cost $3500. Adjusted for inflation, it still only cost about $5500. Now it's 2014 and I am really struggling to keep it under $10k, and that is with DIYing a lot of stuff, not doing flowers or any fancy decorations, and cutting corners on just about everything.

Many venues, in particular, seem to be set up in such a way to suck out all the money possible. You would think these places would be happy just with you buying all this food and booze from them but then they want to charge exorbitant rental fees on top of that and a million other fees. I mean on what planet is a $2k+ rental fee for a few hours with NOTHING included anything but absurd? But even in my area that's pretty normal and I'm sure it's exponentially worse in others.

A meal at any restaurant that charges $40+ a plate would be seen as pretty spendy but it's totally okay to charge that at weddings. Buying a bouquet is not that expensive but tack the word "wedding" on there and suddenly it's worth three times as much. It's just really frustrating and sad.

312Emily · April 2014

FiancB said:

Meh. I think a lot of it is simply there being a lot more articles on saving money than etiquette to begin with. There are a TON of money savings tips out there and it can take a few searches to suss them out. Etiquette, on the other hand, is much more cut and dry and a couple FAQs pretty much tell you all you need to know, and most of it should be pretty common sense (would YOU like to stand around and wait for 3 hours while the couple takes pics at multiple locations? No? Okay then don't make anyone else do it).

The cost of weddings has gone up exponentially. It's absolutely ridiculous. My sister got married in '99. It was pretty traditional and big. It cost $3500. Adjusted for inflation, it still only cost about $5500. Now it's 2014 and I am really struggling to keep it under $10k, and that is with DIYing a lot of stuff, not doing flowers or any fancy decorations, and cutting corners on just about everything.

Many venues, in particular, seem to be set up in such a way to suck out all the money possible. You would think these places would be happy just with you buying all this food and booze from them but then they want to charge exorbitant rental fees on top of that and a million other fees. I mean on what planet is a $2k+ rental fee for a few hours with NOTHING included anything but absurd? But even in my area that's pretty normal and I'm sure it's exponentially worse in others.

A meal at any restaurant that charges $40+ a plate would be seen as pretty spendy but it's totally okay to charge that at weddings. Buying a bouquet is not that expensive but tack the word "wedding" on there and suddenly it's worth three times as much. It's just really frustrating and sad.

To the bolded.... not true, because before 2011, content was more likely to be geared toward etiquette than DIY weddings, and as you can see, the gap between saving money and etiquette, which is currently on top, is closing.

CMGragain · April 2014

Here is a list of frequent questions we get here that reflect the confusion of many young brides:

1. Do I have to have a flower girl?
2. What if I don't have a ring bearer?
3. My family expects an open bar, but we can't afford it. Is a cash bar OK?
4. Do we have to have dancing?
5. Is a champagne toast required?
6. I think I need to serve a fancy, sit down dinner, but I can only get married at 2:00 PM, so I HAVE to have a gap. Is this OK?
7. Who gets to ride in the limousines?
8. Are 14 bridesmaids too many?
9. I want a luxury honeymoon in the Caribbean, but we can't afford it. Is a Honeyfund OK?
10. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted......(Fill in the blank).

The answer to all of the above is , "No! You don't need it."

Let us not forget the ever popular. "I just had a JOP last year, but it wasn't a REAL WEDDING."

FiancB · April 2014

Interesting. I wonder what prompted that. It would make more sense if it were a bit earlier, actually.

312Emily · April 2014

FiancB said:

Interesting. I wonder what prompted that. It would make more sense if it were a bit earlier, actually.

I mean, a decline still happened, just the full reversal on wedding term focus happened in 2011. From looking at the decline in overall etiquette focus, it happened very rapidly at the height of the recession and has leveled off a bit (while still declining) around 2010. It would be more interesting to look at more terms, but I found those 4 to be really telling and some of the more optimized terms. There's no causation with these terms, just a correlation, which means things wouldn't be coinciding exactly with events. More that as we focus on one thing more and more, we focus less on others, so the point of the reversal doesn't mark any one event. We just now know that saving a few bucks is a higher priority than not pissing others off with poor etiquette.

wrigleyville · April 2014

When you combine the recession with the introduction and resulting popularity of Pinterest and wedding "reality" shows, it's no wonder everyone wants the most bang for their buck, even if it means pissing off guests.

In fact, I think the recession is what makes it so easy for brides to say, "Oh, my guests will understand. Nobody has money right now." It's a convenient excuse for entitlement and rudeness.

grumbledore · April 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

chibiyui said:

This seems very much a correalation (sp? On mah phone) does not equal causation. And I also agree with @grumbledore, this would be less a thing if wages were rising along with cost of living. The only reason I'm okay financially is cause FI makes good money and came from a family who could pay for his education. Otherwise we would be having a much smaller and scaled back wedding.

I don't think wages are really the problem. Sure, they aren't increasing and they suck and the job market sucks. . . but we have all known this for a long time.

I think the issue is that many people in their 20's-early 30's have an instant gratification mindset, and the concept of having a longer engagement (2, 3 years) so that they can save up money for their wedding seems to be completely foreign to them.

Really, you don't? I'm being ridiculously underpaid for what I do. But I'm accepting it because there aren't enough jobs to be had for me to be demanding.

My FI was a teacher for years, got laid off, worked in an office for a few years, got laid off, and now he's literally making $10/hr with his undergraduate degree and work experience. And that's after looking for 6 months.

Just "knowing the market sucks and wages suck" doesn't fix the problem.

grumbledore · April 2014

Also, PGL, that was a general comment, not specifically about weddings.

I think one might find the advent of Pinterest probably coincides with the increase in "cute" details and decrease in giving a shit about guests.

grumbledore · April 2014

The iPhone app launched in 2011. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinterest

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

grumbledore said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

chibiyui said:

This seems very much a correalation (sp? On mah phone) does not equal causation. And I also agree with @grumbledore, this would be less a thing if wages were rising along with cost of living. The only reason I'm okay financially is cause FI makes good money and came from a family who could pay for his education. Otherwise we would be having a much smaller and scaled back wedding.

I don't think wages are really the problem. Sure, they aren't increasing and they suck and the job market sucks. . . but we have all known this for a long time.

I think the issue is that many people in their 20's-early 30's have an instant gratification mindset, and the concept of having a longer engagement (2, 3 years) so that they can save up money for their wedding seems to be completely foreign to them.

Really, you don't? I'm being ridiculously underpaid for what I do. But I'm accepting it because there aren't enough jobs to be had for me to be demanding.

My FI was a teacher for years, got laid off, worked in an office for a few years, got laid off, and now he's literally making $10/hr with his undergraduate degree and work experience. And that's after looking for 6 months.

Just "knowing the market sucks and wages suck" doesn't fix the problem.

I'm a researcher, I am also totally underpaid for what I do.

We weren't discussing how to fix the issue of lower wages though, nor trying to apply a solution. We were discussing a trend in Google searches and discussing what the trend might mean wrt wedding etiquette.

And I don't think wages are the issue with wedding etiquette trends. The job market could be 10 times better, everyone could be making 70K right out of undergrad, and I think the same rude trends would be occurring.

Because I think part of the issue is that people want 100K weddings NOW, on salaries less than 100K and without saving sufficiently for said 100K wedding.

The frustrating truth about money and etiquette

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